People find my negative energy repulsive

It could simply be my appearance. God has cursed me with the "vulnerable look". Ted Bundy said: "some people just invite abuse". I am cursed and being punished.

Originally Posted by Endless Nameless

It could simply be my appearance. God has cursed me with the "vulnerable look". Ted Bundy said: "some people just invite abuse". I am cursed and being punished.

I can intuitively see that you continue to Punish Yourself and there does not appear to be an end to it. Be assured that God did not curse you. Intuitively speaking, it appears you have a deeply-ingrained thought posture that is showing very negatively in relation to yourself. What is it that you are seeking from these conversations? You have not answered that. Do you not want to grow out of this negative feeling that surrounds you or do you somehow take some inner pleasure in being felt sorry for? There are many who do and you have not spoken to that yet. So, that is important to understand.

And why pick such a negative person for a role model to listen to? That is also a big part of the problem.

If you feel you invite abuse, then abuse you will find! It is the Law of Cause and Effect that immediately comes into being.

Therefore, without your personally proclaiming that you wish to be outside this current train of thought that you are in, "As You Think, So You Are!"

May God Bless You and help you if that is what you seek. You are being offered compassion and understanding but you do not seem to wish to embrace it therefore, if the kind words to help you is not something you can currently appreciate, then you have free will to turn away from it as no one can or should force it unto you. But know that you are loved in so many ways by God and your friends!

Originally Posted by Endless Nameless

It could simply be my appearance. God has cursed me with the "vulnerable look". Ted Bundy said: "some people just invite abuse". I am cursed and being punished.

I can intuitively sense that you continue to Punish Yourself and there does not appear to be an end to it. Be assured that God did not curse you. Intuitively speaking, it appears you have a deeply-ingrained thought posture that is showing very negatively in relation to yourself. What is it that you are seeking from these conversations? You have not answered that. Do you not want to grow out of this negative feeling that surrounds you or do you somehow take some inner pleasure in being felt sorry for? There are many who do and you have not spoken to that yet. So, that is important to understand.

And why pick such a negative person for a role model to listen to? That is also a big part of the problem.

If you feel you invite abuse, then abuse you will find! It is the Law of Cause and Effect that immediately comes into being.

Therefore, without your personally proclaiming that you wish to be outside this current train of thought that you are in, "As You Think, So You Are!"

May God Bless You and help you if that is what you seek. You are being offered compassion and understanding but you do not seem to wish to embrace it therefore, if the kind words to help you is not something you can currently appreciate, then you have free will to turn away from it as no one can or should force it unto you. But know that you are loved in so many ways by God and your friends!

Endless, it really sounds like you don't want to hear anything other than "you deserve this and it is your fault."

You won't heal any time soon unless you drop that mentality and say to yourself "ok, this is what happened, this is how i feel because of it and this is how it is, now I can let it all go and move on with my life."

It takes a lot of work to get to that point, and I'm pretty sure that you actually won't believe or realise that you can actually get to that point right now or in the future because your too busy blaming and punishing yourself because you can't find an excuse or any understandings for your feelings.

If you feel like this then you should go and talk to a councilor who can help you figure out why you feel this way and how to make yourself feel better and see things in a different light. Two heads are better than one.

It's only a suggestion though. You can ask for help if your scared, or angry, or ashamed, or hurt. You can ask if hate yourself or someone else, or if your innocent or the most guilty person in the world.

But if you don't want help, then I'm sure you can't and won't ask.

Only you can take the first step to healing and only you can agree to accept the help and support others offer, no one else can do that for you.

Your choice.

Endless Nameless, For starters, if you're going to look for sources of information about how to have better relationships, you can probably do a lot better than quoting people like Ted Bundy, a very charming guy who killed a lot of innocent girls and was put to death. Who else do you have as role models? Charlie Manson? Jim Jones? Jeffrey Dahmer?

I am starting to believe you when you say you are cursed. You are cursed by your own negativity, and you are punishing you is yourself.

Whether you want to believe it or not, there is nothing particularly unusual about your situation. More than that, there is nothing about your situation that cannot be made much better, but you have to bring some to get some. So far, it appears that you are bent on wallowing in your own self pity, and, yes, most people find that repulsive.

If you actually want to do something about your situation, there are many of us who are more than willing to lend a hand. Best wishes!

I can't believe she has drunken sex. I can't accept it, and I can't move forward out of the recurring thought.

[blackraven]

Endless Nameless - The overwhelming sense that I get in reading through the thread is that you are afraid to get close to people. You may have been hurt before, betrayed before, let down before, disappointed before. All things that I can relate to. I moved away from people in a recluse manner and I can tell you from experience it does no good in serving you well. You must get over your fear of people and start at home in loving yourself first. When you like who you are and start to reach out to others, they will be attracted to you and reach back. Get counseling if need be, but don't waste you life away feeling unworthy of friendships and even more so love. Best of luck to you. :)

Blackraven

Originally Posted by Endless Nameless

It could simply be my appearance. God has cursed me with the "vulnerable look". Ted Bundy said: "some people just invite abuse". I am cursed and being punished.

I just get that you do want help, but you are still stuck trying to toss out "disturbing" ted bundy refs and a bunch of "poooor meeeeeeee"


poor you.

Originally Posted by Endless Nameless

I can't believe she has drunken sex. I can't accept it, and I can't move forward out of the recurring thought.

I was serious about this.

Originally Posted by Endless Nameless

I was serious about this.

Very well, EN,

So, being that you are serious about this, what is it that you would like for us to do to help you? Many people have tried reaching out to you in kindness throughout this thread and you have been less than forthcoming in opening up about what you would like to change or have done in order to help yourself out of this problem.

So, again I ask, what is it that you would like for us to do to help you?

Thank you and Keep Peace In Your Heart!