Hi Ziusudra,
I thought about what you said for a long moment…
We talked back.
I was very disturbed by the way he used to talk.
He appeared very arrogant to me...nonchalant & arrogant. Not the HIM I used to know..Anyway.
He said he was thinking back to the last time we met (in august)….the sex was incredible.
He talked about all the times we saw each other and said we used to see each a lot doing this. Whaaaaaat
It's like he was denying all the connection behind, all the time we spent talking and laughin about our common points etc
He said he was not sure to be ready for a new start but that he wanted to see me back.
I was very clear, sayin I need to share tenderness, hugs, and that I need attention and equal give and take from the other.
He said "honestly I Don't know (blablabla) I have not a lot of tenderness to give...I wouldnt like you to attach whereas I am not able to attach to anyone at this time…".
LOL. OK. Too much is too much.
7 months after, he comes back to me to apologize, wants to see me back, but Nothing has CHANGED? And furthermore, he proposes me Something EMPTY....does the waiter at the restaurant proposes you the bone when you order some chicken??? (lol sorry for the metaphor but I like it)
I dont know if he was stone (he used to smoke a lot of weed) but I was shocked.
He 's not acting like this normally.*
He said he didnt want to have an exclusive relationship yet, that he thinks he is not ready.
He said that we could see each other to make love, smoke, drink and chatting but that he didnt have a lot of time at this moment (he s preparing a competitive exam these weeks ok) and that when he had it was especially to see his family and very close friends.
LOL OK. I understand but....
I said "OK you know what, your offer is everything but attractive,everything but flattering, if you want to see me in a light mood its very fine, but I don't have anymore place now for bull**** and middle relationships in my life".
And I left. He didnt open the message yet.
After sending the message, I was in my bed, I felt a nice and light kiss on my lips...his soul energy...I had the same after meeting him back last year.
And I started to see light strikes when my eyes closed and felt Energy flowing through my whole body.
I remembered all the times he direspected him (yelling at me etc) before that and he denied it.
Also for the symptoms he had (Kundalini) I asked him about if he still had and told me "yes its stress".
Lol. Total denial.
TF or not, I deserve respect and self love.
I am very proud to have said NO, and to stay aligned and balanced with myself.
If he is the one, then he still needs a lot of healing.
When he said he didnt want to have an OFFICIAL RELATIONSHIP, my brain bugged.
Its the ISSUE of my whole LIFE.
Meaning, I had a lot of semi-relationships before that where guys used to offer me only NON-OFFICIAL relationships. Don't I deserve better? YES I DO.
I understood now that it was my responsibility because I didnt learn to affirm myself and say NO. Believing that maybe some middle relationships, compromising, sex, etc will make things change. LOL
This is totally the opposite.
He used to have a lot of sexual relationshipsI guess before and after the long one that made him suffer a lot. He has a very light and entertaining approach to what sexuality is.
And I know with me it was different and spiritual. He said he was still thinking about it and turned all the conversation about our sexual connection.
BUt Im not only sexual.
So if he doesnt want the full package it will be next.
Twin Flame or not.
Im really confused, he has a weird behavior these times.
I think his ego has been hit because he was sure I will come and succumb to his magnificient charm....