Dealing with difficult people

[Renzo]

I, like many people, have to deal with some difficult individuals during my day to day life. There is one person in particular that I have trouble with. From my perspective it appears as though this person is discontent with their own personal situation. Perhaps they resent the universe for its percieved injustice against them. Because they don't feel great about themselves they like to inflict it upon other people. Whether by simply moaning, or generally being difficult.

I realised that they are just throwing curses out there. They want to make me feel bad, and belittled, because that is the only power over reality they think they have. But the thing is the curse only works if you believe in it. You have to accept the miserable reality that he is trying to impose in order for it to affect you. If you simply train your will to not allow someone else to put you in a negative head space then they have absolutely no power. No biting words, or deliberate lack of gratitude can bring you down.

I purposely tell myself when I am dealing with them that they aren't going to break my will. That I am stronger than they are and my positive attitude will not be destroyed by them. Don't let the curses in. You don't have to believe them.

I also realised the importance of not hating this person. When we hate someone we don't change them, they have changed us. Nothing about the situation is resolved by your hatred, it's just another weight that you don't have to carry. Hating someone else is basically just hating yourself.

Don't let people bring you down into their negative reality. Don't let them win. Don't give in to their hatred. Don't invite the vampire in. You have a strong will, you won't be defeated that easily!

[Starman]

I have found the best way to deal with “difficult people” is to quiet my mind. Although this in and of itself may be difficult when you are at work and need to have your mind engaged in your work. Our mind will grab hold of what others say, and even if we are trying to resist we are still engaged in the interplay. Again, for me, building up silence within myself when I can, allows me to have that thick blanket of silence within me to go to when I need it.

So I was going through some boxes of stuff, which contained things from my past, and I came upon lesson plans, etc. that I used to use when I was teaching psychology classes. One of the boxes had some information on “difficult people” which I used to share with students.

The information listed the patterns of “7-types of difficult people:”
1. Hostile-Aggressive’s; Bully and overwhelm with cutting remarks and throwing tantrums.
2. Indecisives; They usually stall until the decision is made for them.
3. Constant Complainers; Gripe incessantly but never try to do anything about what they complain about.
4. Negativists; Say “no” to everything and deflate any optimism.
5. “Clams;” They always respond with yes or no and never elaborate.
6. “Bulldozers;” Know it alls who act condescending and try to intimidate others with their knowledge.
7. “Super-Agreeables;” Very nice people who agree with everything you say but never follow through.

It also listed some information on how to deal with these stereotypical patterns of so-called “difficult people.“ I’ve listed below only a few words from the information regarding how to deal with these perceived difficult characteristics from a counseling point of view.

1. Hostile-Aggressives; You must stand up to them without fighting and give them time to regain self-control.
2. Indecisives; Make it easy for them to tell you about why it is so hard for them to make a decision.
3. Constant Complainers; Avoid the accusation defense re-accusation pattern. Try to move to a problem-solving mode by asking specific information related to facts.
4. Negativists; Do not get dragged into their despair. Do not argue with their pessimism. Make realistic statements about their past success.
5. “Clams;” Ask open ended questions but do not fill in the silence with conversation. Help the person open up.
6. “Bulldozers;” State correct facts or alternative opinions as your own perceptions of reality. Provide a means for them to save face without agreeing with everything they have said.
7. “Super-Agreeables;” Listen to their humor . There may be hidden messages in their quips or teasing remarks. Try to get them to bring their true feelings to the surface.
This information may be outdated as I’m sure techniques have evolved since the days when I worked as an instructor.

All of these suggest engaging with the person, but most of all do not let another person’s problem become your problem. Try to learn why about yourself from others, even if they are considered difficult by you. In my opinion the people who we attract into our lives, be they “difficult” or not, are there for a reason. Often that reason has to do with us looking at ourselves. As the “Rules for Being Human” says “Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.”

If you ignore a person who is bothering you but your mind is still engaged in how they bother you it may lead you to resent that person, or even cause you to develop what some call “passive-aggressive” behavior towards that person. The spiritual approach is to remain quiet inside, quiet your thoughts, and I’ve already listed some of the psychological approaches. You can use a combination of both. Stay in love with yourself and you may be able to unconditionally share that love with others without saying a word.

Peace and Good Journey

[Starman]

THere are lots of websites on this topic, below are links to two of them that may have more up-to-date approaches.

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/de...t-work-1917903

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...fficult-people

[Soul Renew]

Some great insight!
I have to laugh however because just a few days ago I watched a video with your exact topic title xD

Here's the video~
Dealing with Difficult People

I had the misfortune of growing up with a difficult parent and it destroyed my life.
The ones closest to you damage you the most. ='\
However, I'm healing from it.

What you learn from difficult people, is knowing what you don't want to be like.

[LiberatedLotus]

I will never understand this.
When one aligns themselves with
the Universe and is in accordance
with the laws of nature the
negativity dissipates.
The nonsense ceases.

When I hear of incidents of this
nature it's equated to a foreign language
or some faded distortion that is barely
heard let alone comprehended.

People throwing curses around, why?
What an absurd concept. Breaking a
will? For what? Battle of wills? What?

It's all nonsense. Absurdity rooted
in lower frequencies, lower primitive
spheres, and varied stages of
unconsciousness & enslavement.

Originally Posted by Renzo

I realised that they are just throwing curses out there. They want to make me feel bad, and belittled, because that is the only power over reality they think they have. But the thing is the curse only works if you believe in it. You have to accept the miserable reality that he is trying to impose in order for it to affect you. If you simply train your will to not allow someone else to put you in a negative head space then they have absolutely no power. No biting words, or deliberate lack of gratitude can bring you down.

This is where it all goes sideways, sorry to say. What you don't seem to realise is that this whole post and this part in particular says nothing about the person you're talking about (and I'm trying not to use the word 'rant') and says everything about you. "Miserable reality?" Isn't that judgement on your part and what are you going to do about it? What happened to empathy and sympathy, what happened to trying to understand what they're trying to communicate to you? That person perhaps doesn't know any better because they hurt inside and they're looking for away out. The chances are that nobody has shown them anything different and you as a Spiritual person could.


Are you dealing with them and just as importantly are you dealing with yourself? I think your last paragraph says everything you need to know. You see, what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves, and like attracts like. That's not a difficult person, that's a lesson and that's what you're here for.

Originally Posted by LiberatedLotus

It's all nonsense. Absurdity rooted
in lower frequencies, lower primitive spheres, and varied stages of unconsciousness & enslavement.

It's all a reflection of your consciousness, and what you (and I) express is a window into our consciousness. What are you expressing? Everyone is where they need to be, otherwise they'd be somewhere else. Everything you're saying here is about you not the OP, and it's a reflection of you. Do you consider yourself to be of the higher frequencies, the higher spheres and not unconscious or enslaved? All of these things are relative to your agenda - including your reasons for saying them.

[quote=RenzoI purposely tell myself when I am dealing with them that they aren't going to break my will. That I am stronger than they are and my positive attitude will not be destroyed by them. Don't let the curses in. You don't have to believe them.

I also realised the importance of not hating this person. When we hate someone we don't change them, they have changed us. Nothing about the situation is resolved by your hatred, it's just another weight that you don't have to carry. Hating someone else is basically just hating yourself.

Don't let people bring you down into their negative reality. Don't let them win. Don't give in to their hatred. Don't invite the vampire in. You have a strong will, you won't be defeated that easily![/QUOTE]

Renzo,

IMO, you are part of the way there when you speak of not hating this person. But it must go far beyond that. It should not be viewed as a matter of winning an individual battle. We must seek an outcome that is beneficial to all. Rather we should view such a situation as a test......an opportunity. So one thinks themself a doctor, a teacher, a mechanic, etc. The challenge, the test, the opportunity becomes to heal, to teach, to fix. If we think ourselves spiritual we must endeavor to become a conduit for the spiritual. It might help to think what if this 'difficult' person was my child? Would my concern be to win? to overcome? No....we should be focused on restoration....bringing them into a better place, etc.

I think of the beatitude......"Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God"..........quite different from the other beatitudes which result more in blessings of a personal nature. A 'son of God' speaks of being of the lineage of God......a rightful inheritor.....and thus being one that can aassume the mantle of God. In other words, one that can be entrusted with the authority to be a leader and example for all. In terms of non-duality we must view this 'difficult person' as a part of us and a part of the whole.

[LiberatedLotus]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

It's all a reflection of your consciousness, and what you (and I) express is a window into our consciousness. What are you expressing? Everyone is where they need to be, otherwise they'd be somewhere else. Everything you're saying here is about you not the OP, and it's a reflection of you. Do you consider yourself to be of the higher frequencies, the higher spheres and not unconscious or enslaved? All of these things are relative to your agenda - including your reasons for saying them.

Absolutely.
I, as all, are on the quest for expansion &
advancement. When you come to the place
of deeply understanding the interconnectedness
of being, the extension/mirror that all are, why
would anyone "throw around curses" to disrupt
the flow of another being? Mind you, that their
agenda is in alignment with the laws of nature &
intent is progression for all, why?
If by definition, another is an extension of ones self,
why would you cause harm to them knowing
this will manifest in a form that will directly upset
the disrupter (in one form or another).
The fact that one would even want to do such a
thing is directly related to the absence of
understanding this principle.


Secondly, if you truly understood the
mirroring principle & have mastered
the understanding of self, why would
you ever hate another human being?
A direct reflection of your own self hatred
& self destructive tendencies? Or
a complete lack of understanding the
human condition?

Thirdly, believing another has control over your
state of being- negation of free will, you by
default are setting up conditions that now
must be met for a state of being to manifest -
that is outside of yourself. You are source.
You. Not an externalized force. Not another
person.

So, this is why I do not understand this
type of behavior. Naturally you want to
progress and advance. Naturally this
would lead to the desire for another as well.
Especially if the results are beneficial to all.

Originally Posted by LiberatedLotus

Absolutely.
I, as all, are on the quest for expansion &
advancement. When you come to the place
of deeply understanding the interconnectedness
of being, the extension/mirror that all are, why
would anyone "throw around curses" to disrupt
the flow of another being? Mind you, that their
agenda is in alignment with the laws of nature &
intent is progression for all, why?
If by definition, another is an extension of ones self,
why would you cause harm to them knowing
this will manifest in a form that will directly upset
the disrupter (in one form or another).
The fact that one would even want to do such a
thing is directly related to the absence of
understanding this principle.

Yes we are on a quest for expansion and advancement but how does that take place? How do we progress? We progress by learning and if everyone was as nice as apple pie no learning would take place. So they don't understand the principle and for some, not understanding it helps when it comes to understanding it. People can't grow if there is nothing to grow from.


So while you have answers you have no questions.

Originally Posted by LiberatedLotus

Secondly, if you truly understood the
mirroring principle & have mastered
the understanding of self, why would
you ever hate another human being?
A direct reflection of your own self hatred
& self destructive tendencies? Or
a complete lack of understanding the
human condition?

All of the above perhaps and a few more. But who are we talking about there? Then or you?

Originally Posted by LiberatedLotus

Thirdly, believing another has control over your
state of being- negation of free will, you by
default are setting up conditions that now
must be met for a state of being to manifest -
that is outside of yourself. You are source.
You. Not an externalized force. Not another
person.

And again there is learning in that.

Originally Posted by LiberatedLotus

So, this is why I do not understand this
type of behavior. Naturally you want to
progress and advance. Naturally this
would lead to the desire for another as well.
Especially if the results are beneficial to all.

Again it's how you progress and advance and what you progress and advance from, but you seem to be more concerned about their advancement than your own. If you want to advance then you could look at the reasons - not just Spiritual ones neither - why they are this way. Their lack of understanding may well be because nobody has shown them a different way, that everyone has reacted to the way they are in kind, not kindness. If you set them a good example wouldn't you be acting in a way that's beneficial to all by them changing their behaviour patterns? By not taking the time to understand it from their perspective instead of yours, does that make you as bad as them and mean that you are acting from your behaviour patterns?