How Do You Parent a Dark Entity?

[inspirit]

Originally Posted by Shabda

i mean more than that actually...literally, in the name of whichever Divinity is dear to you, give him Divine Love, no need to speak outwardly if you wish...wow, he must be worse than i was, i didnt hit or smack people at all...he IS 19, if he gets out of hand and smacks or hits you, call the police, let him spend a night in the tank to think about what he's done, sometimes tough love is required, but that is for you to decide...good luck...

That's actually not very good advice. I was friends with a kid whose mom called the cops on him all the time for silly things and he ended up having to go to a youth shelter first where he was beat up and then juvenile prison later. Mom wised up at the last minute and ran away with him in the dark of the night before he could be hauled off to jail and told no one where they were going. I didn't hear from him again till years later.

Unfortunately there just isn't any justice in the justice system. Most people in prison have barely done anything wrong. Serving hard sentences for petty crimes or just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Meanwhile the most psychopathic and dangerous of criminals rule the planet.

Back to the original point though. It's really hard to be a teenager and parents often do not and cannot understand what kids are going through. But he's an adult now. See if you can take a break from him for a while. Maybe send him to live with his Dad, uncle, or grandparent for a while. Or better yet send him off to college.

Originally Posted by Uma

There's no "Parenting" Forum on here so I guess this one will have to do. I know there are young people floating around here who might have ideas for me. My eldest son who is about to turn 19 has been making me crazy ever since he entered puberty - challenges everything, constantly negative bringing the energy down in our home, blames me for everything... And I would like it to stop! I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!

Im a 17 year old myself, I understand how he feels. Don't make a fuss about things you don't really need to make a fuss about. Give him freedom and privacy and show deep interest in what he enjoys, even if your not interested. Good luck

[John32241]

Originally Posted by TomD

Im a 17 year old myself, I understand how he feels. Don't make a fuss about things you don't really need to make a fuss about. Give him freedom and privacy and show deep interest in what he enjoys, even if your not interested. Good luck

Yes that deep respect is most needed yet so hard to find.

One of my groups has over 1,200 members, mostly young men you age. It seems as if I am constantly earning their respect each and every day. I essentially give respect in order to earn it.

Adults and teens see life in terms of black and white when in reality everything is gray. It is kind of funny to say but eventually teens get older. Much of what they had going for them is lost. Many never realize how well they were cared for until it is too late, if ever I suspect for some. The adult never relates to that concept of freedom and privacy, because for them, there is none.

So it is not easy for either generation. Still I know that harmony can be established.

John

A lesson to find within yourself unconditional love.

i think it is teenage boys i have 4 boys and the oldest who is nearly 19 and my 16 year old are always rude ect i just think it it normal the trouble is i try to lay down ground rules but they dont always work

[Ravens_Light]

Hello dear Uma..

I haven't read all the responses, but as Summerland mentioned sometimes we forget that the human body is part of the 'whole' ... If I were in your shoes, I would be looking at his diet & habits as they may be part of the answer...

If there is a stimulant of any kind (caffeine in particular), artificial sweeteners, msg (and all it's guises) this could be a contributing factor... Additionally, I don't know anything of course about him & you sound like you are a wonderful parent but I would also consider alchohol, prescriptions &/or recreational drugs as possibly playing a part of negative moods..

I'm not saying I see anything in your post(s) that would indicate this & I hope you know that I only suggest this out of love for you and your son.. Sometimes when we do our best & have thought of *everything*, sometimes the odd suggestion might hold an answer for us..

I do also think much of it has to do with him losing his father... Perhaps space may be what he needs... And lots of love.. I totally agree with the others who suggest putting out there only love for him... But do love yourself as well... No abuse is expected to be tolerated Momma.. ♥

Many HUGS for you & yours...

Love, Cam/EarthMamma

Why do you allow this behavior? This is your home, your rules. He can find somewhere else to live. This is not being cold. You can love him and not have to live with him.

[Uma]

This is now a year later and he's behaving 100% better - got it all out of his system. Now he keeps asking me if I need help, if I'm okay...totally swung the other way LOL. Now my daughter (17) is a walking hurricane, just as unpredictable. So it's a stage and like hurricanes this too shall pass.

[blackraven]

Uma - My son turns 23 next week. We've had some heart-felt talks lately as we have grown very close in the last year, which hasn't always been the case. The teen years were reckless and basically a battleground. He was always in opposition to anything out of my mouth and after while he just found reason to spend as much time away from home with his group of wild friends. Well in a recent conversation he said to me that he has come to the realization that it wasn't actually me that was causing all the arguing between us, but his constant need to be right even with adults. It was difficult when we were trying to teach him right from wrong when he was heading for trouble with friends. But he always thought he knew what was best for him. I'm not making any comparisons with your family whatsoever. I'm just saying that they eventually mature with age and will look back at their teen behavior and will have a light-bulb moment. My son and I are so close and loving now it's unbelievable. I would have never thought it 5 years ago. The teen years can be trying. Hold tight and know that they grow up and mature more. Things change with time. Your relationships will change. Sounds though like things have already improved greatly. So glad.

Blackraven

Heehee...so sorry...I didn't check the date of this thread. I am kind of dreading the teenage years coming up myself. Am glad to hear you are both doing well!