Anger to the point of dis-ease

[Mr Interesting]

What and how is vulnerability

An old friend of mine put this on facebook this morning and it seems to get right to the heart of the matter. I have for quite a while been invoking my own personal idiot, the naive and silly buffoon who knows nothing and makes mistakes all over the place, and from this talk I know now I have been accepting my vulnerability, embracing it, willing myself within situations to be the dummy who can be a focus for others to let down their guards, the one who abandoned winning so all the others can know they won't lose.

And the thing is with bullies is that they see vulnerability and they must stamp it out so they don't have to face their own and having the vulnerable stamp down on their own shame and fight back with anger reinforces the bullies own stamping down of their vulnerability... So in a real sense bein targeted by bullies tells you that you are on the right track!

[lemex]

double posted

[lemex]

Originally Posted by gravitysrainbow

Thank you for your responses! You all had a lot of helpful advice that I can use. I'm feeling a lot better today and have have a wider perspective than I did yesterday. I think because I've been so busy I've let these emotions build up but I released a lot of it last night. I think the people who I'm angry with are being terrible to me purposely to provoke an emotional response. They expect I will go on a "war path" but I have the choice. I can either choose that path of anger or I can do the opposite and be loving, gung ho, and basically "boring" in their eyes. Ignoring their provocation extinguishes the drama and helps us all move away from destructive behavior.

I think this is a clear understanding you've made evident for yourself setting aside the turmoil. I agree and this was a part of my own life, but I did not think of about as early as you seem to have. I'm not in agreement with conflict as you have cause and effect. I like your steadiness and path because if you can control your anger here (where others can't) you can do it anywhere, whereas if you act it out you will not end it but continue using it each time it happens. Just wanted to remind you of this. This is how lessons work.

[gravitysrainbow]

So, I think my anger was premonitory because there was an incident yesterday at my work. One of my coworkers was insubordinate and invited in an ex coworker into the employees only area. This ex coworker was fired for assaulting me and harassing me. The coworker who invited him in loves drama and is weirdly jealous of me. She was looking for a "show". I'm seeing an attorney today.

Also, I did a reading for myself using Native American path cards. I am learning self expression right now as well as when and how to stand up for myself. I am making the fully conscious decision today of what kind of person I will be. The cards also said to express my gratitude for this opportunity to grow. When I gave a thanksgiving prayer last night, I was sitting on my couch and I could feel my feet heat up and my legs started to tingle. I took this as confirmation that I am on the right path. I'm reminded of the story one of you posted about the Native American on a war path. This is my war path (within the parameters of the law, of course). I will not tolerate the bullying or sabotage when I have done nothing wrong. I'm hoping this event will lead to self empowerment.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by gravitysrainbow

Thank you for your responses! You all had a lot of helpful advice that I can use. I'm feeling a lot better today and have have a wider perspective than I did yesterday. I think because I've been so busy I've let these emotions build up but I released a lot of it last night. I think the people who I'm angry with are being terrible to me purposely to provoke an emotional response. They expect I will go on a "war path" but I have the choice. I can either choose that path of anger or I can do the opposite and be loving, gung ho, and basically "boring" in their eyes. Ignoring their provocation extinguishes the drama and helps us all move away from destructive behavior.

They must think that their behaviour will get them some kind of reward, so what is the reward?

[gravitysrainbow]

Gem, they're so miserable with their own lives that they must create a scenario in which they can watch me experience pain. Since I do not express victimization in a dramatic fashion like they do, they go to great lengths to "push" me. However, they don't realize that I can see this as them expressing their own self doubts and vulnerabilities. I never operate on that level so this took me awhile to understand.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by gravitysrainbow

Gem, they're so miserable with their own lives that they must create a scenario in which they can watch me experience pain. Since I do not express victimization in a dramatic fashion like they do, they go to great lengths to "push" me. However, they don't realize that I can see this as them expressing their own self doubts and vulnerabilities. I never operate on that level so this took me awhile to understand.

I'd assume they have behaved this way before and done similar to other people, so they must have gotten something out of it that felt good. I reckon if you can identify what they want to get out of it for themselves, you can take the drivers seat in the situation, because you have what they want.

Maybe they are simply miserable and want to see your pain, but the question remains, what do they get as a reward? Some kind of relief? A sense of power? A sense of togetherness within their own group? I don't know, just speculating on that.

I thought you seeking legal advice was a good idea.

[gravitysrainbow]

I am definitely seeking legal advice and as soon as the holiday ends I'm going to the police. I cannot figure out what the reward could possibly be. The reasoning is beyond my grasp. Why do people try to wound others who haven't done anything of consequence to warrant that reaction?