surrendering

[Christine01]

Hello

I have been in contact with my twin flame now for over a year. I will tell you a little of my story first, before I ask my question. Our circumstances are difficult as the scenario generally plays out. We are in a professional relationship (me his student, him my dance teacher - so cliched even I can't cope with this), and we have a very big age gap of 21 years. My connection to him is like no other I have felt in my life, and long before I knew he was my twin flame I felt the love to be nothing but pure. To the point I would play this song called Pure Love. I was attracted to the inner beauty of him first, and the physicality of him much later. He is not the physical type I am usually attracted to and I don't have attraction for younger men of this age. So this threw me considerably.

I felt his connection early on but he is of the logical mind and kept a professional distance. Often however I felt a push / pull from him of warmth towards me and coolness at other times. I could never predict how he would be. Since May however his warmth has been increasing slowly and he expresses his admiration in verbal compliments (more than any man ever has to me), through very loving eye contact, or sometimes intense eye contact, and a very soft intimate tone when he talks to me. I feel his love at these times very much so. Feeling for him what I do has highlighted my age to me which has been hard. I had always said I could never be with a younger man. Well here I am involved in this TF experience and it is hard. For a time there I had started focusing on the changes in the skin on my neck (I would look in the mirror at this skin), worried about my aging. Then he says to me one day - this blew me away - you have a very beautiful neck 3 times - like he read my mind.

Anyway the nature of our professional relationship is that physically we are in very close proximity and I am at the point where I cannot handle it anymore. I can't openly display my feelings and the energy I feel between us is super intense at times. When I leave I feel rocked to the core. I long for him like nothing else and the days until I see him again are long. Then I get the see saw hot / cold behaviour from him and it rips at my heart, because I can't handle it when he is aloof with me. I know his struggle in that he doesn't understand this as well as I do. I am the lead twin, I am at my near end of ascension and he is not at my level yet. I feel he struggles because he doesn't understand the connection he feels and the professional relationship is there too which is important to him I know. I have spoken to a TF expert who has looked at this for me.

Anyway finally to my question, I had a fairly cold experience from him the other day, and it was a real turning point for me. I decided that I cannot have him centre stage in my life anymore as it is too painful. I have decided as I know I should, that I must put my own life and needs first. Focus on me. I feel I want to quit the studio, but to do so puts an end to my hobby also. There is no other place I can go to learn this. So I lose 2 things all at once. I'm not sure I could cope. I can't cope either way. However, the TF reader I spoke to said that something will finish between us and then our mission and relationship will transpire. So do I leave or do I leave it to the universe to show me how else this activity between us is going to cease. Nothing lasts forever, and I do fear the day when it stops. But if she is right the union will only happen then.

I have decided to try to pursue a relationship with someone else now, as to be near him I will always feel like a chaser, even if I am not doing insane chasing type things. I don't want to start a relationship with someone else because i want to, but because I need my sanity. What I would like to know is that I know I am helping the situation by taking my focus off him, and giving him the time he needs to work through his journey. However my worry is that by focusing on another relationship I will not end up manifesting what to me truly should be. How can I continue to manifest this relationship with him (and I know I have manifested some of this with him already) whilst still moving on with my life and possibly bringing another into it.

thanks for reading.
Regards