There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Molattee

Just an update. Yesterday I felt the most intense despair I've ever experienced in quite some time. Enough to the point I reached a new low and contemplated on ending my life there and soon.

I just cried, and cried hysterically in front of my dog. Then I felt a healing energy as soon as the crying stopped.

That is wonderful, Molattee. I think your healing was bound to happen sooner or later because you're able and willing to cry it all out...those of us who keep our heartbreak and frustrations stuffed down inside ourselves are going to suffer longer and are more prone to illness.

[LillyBelle]

Please Molattee,never throw your life away. You are here for a reason and though you feel alone,you are not! Though it may not seem like it,things WILL get better for you eventually,just hang in there. Oh and believe me,even if you cannot hear them,your guides and angels are there on this journey with you 24/7 and wish nothing but the VERY best for you! They love you so very much (more than you could ever understand) and are sad to see you in such a state of despair. Continue trying to reach out to them,even if you don't hear or feel anything in return,I am certain that when they feel the moment is just right for you,they will reach out to you! :) Love and light

[Beautiful Soul]

I feel like the way you are writing is exactly how I feel (besides I'm female) I often think of death as the only way out and it's an option if my life doesn't go anywhere. I'm a young adult (22) and I've achieved nothing, never been in a relationship. Feel like I'm not worth remembering. Spend most of my days alone and don't like my family or most people that much. To get me out of my depression I've decided to do the gratitude and love challenge. Basically only speak positive words. Whenever you are melancholy say all there is your grateful for and focus on the things you love. Just pick anything at this moment you are grateful for or love. This could be a cup of tea you had today or a beautiful sunset. But keep thinking of the things you love and are grateful for and it will help you pull through. I try to do this whenever possible

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Beautiful Soul

I feel like the way you are writing is exactly how I feel (besides I'm female) I often think of death as the only way out and it's an option if my life doesn't go anywhere. I'm a young adult (22) and I've achieved nothing, never been in a relationship. Feel like I'm not worth remembering. Spend most of my days alone and don't like my family or most people that much. To get me out of my depression I've decided to do the gratitude and love challenge. Basically only speak positive words. Whenever you are melancholy say all there is your grateful for and focus on the things you love. Just pick anything at this moment you are grateful for or love. This could be a cup of tea you had today or a beautiful sunset. But keep thinking of the things you love and are grateful for and it will help you pull through. I try to do this whenever possible

That's a wonderful idea - the 'gratitude and love challenge'. Thanks, this is something I needed to hear.

Thank you Silvergirl,You have giving ME somthing that I will allways remember.

Molatte,

You're not alone bro. But- I make absolutely no mistake that the despair you feel is very, very real to you. I understand. Yes- I do- as I experienced something remarkably similar. The transition from teen to young adult and my mid-20's was extremely challenging for me. I am now 34- thriving, and truly happy! But let's stick to the fact that I went through terrible darkness; I want to try to speak to you there.

I know you have no reason to believe a stranger on a forum, but please strongly consider the following:

1. Recognize that the way you feel at times will *feel* like it is inescapable and will last forever- but in fact, truly, it will not. Think of it like having an emotional broken arm, but not knowing that it will heal under the right conditions. In this lifetime, you must know- just as only an intellectual consideration at first- that you are completely capable of total light and happiness. It's true, but you might not know it at first- so just keep it in your mind.

2. This is a super hard one, ready? You create your own reality. The ego doesn't like to hear that, because it means you're responsible for what you're feeling now. It's not an accusation, it's just a statement about the mechanism of personal reality. Your previous thoughts and perceptions, especially about the self, seemed innocent enough at the time- but they create momentum. By the time you're 20 they've got lots of momentum, especially emotionally. This reality, being a great mirror of sorts, reflects it back to you more and more, giving you more of what you're focusing on. You are feeling then the very real result of where you've brought yourself (without knowing it). The challenging news is- you might have a lot of "momentum" built up; the water current may be strong. The very, very good news is- you have total power to change your experience. It does not happen overnight- it's more like... creating a river of current in water by walking in certain thought/ belief directions for 22 years and then suddenly turning around and trying to walk upstream. It may feel that the current is fighting you- but on the other hand, the water has no choice but to obey you, and start changing direction when you decide to. Examine, and then positively modify, your thoughts, beliefs, self-perceptions, and expectations. This can be challenging; but in time truly, doing so can cause immense positive change. You might want to look into the book "Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul" or also "Seth Speaks: The Nature of Personal Reality" regarding this topic.

3. The feeling of darkness/ despair/ pain/ whatever itself cannot kill you. It just hurts like a m*th*r f*ck*r. It can seem totally unbearable. But there's one thing that's important to point out here: how you respond to it is important. Resistance feeds it. If you're at your wits end, instead of thinking panicked thoughts about yourself and the pain, try this incredibly bold action: turn and face it head on, surrender to it, and accept it. Accept the pain, completely. Let it wash over your whole being. Say to it: "Alright, I'm here, bring it on! Do to me what you will!" And just be with it completely, without telling yourself a story. Just feel the emotion, completely. The pain will intensify. It will stay for moments or minutes or longer. But if you remain in this mindset, you will find something miraculous: you will come out the other side, STILL ALIVE. And not only still alive- you will have processed some of that feeling, changed the current, made brighter and stronger. You will be invigorated instead of slain.

4. Now for an intellectual point. This incredible contrast you're experiencing has value to it. Don't buy that? Yeah I didn't either- sounded like a bunch of New Age hooey while in the midst of deep darkness. But the issue here is one of perspective. You can't see the value of it from where you are. You probably can't actively see that you chose this either. Why the heck would you choose this? Don't worry- don't blame yourself- it's all good- but if you're interested in actually going and seeing the truth of it for yourself, there are ways. I was profoundly changed by the work of NASA physicist Tom Campbell, who has written a "Big TOE" (TOE = Theory of Everything) which explains all phenomena from a consciousness-based model. He is a consciousness explorer, and his guidance on meditation and experiencing the "Larger Consciousness System" has been incredibly helpful for me, and perhaps it sounds from above like it might be for you too. If you're ambitious and serious I recommend tackling his "My Big TOE" book trilogy (1000 pages and not an easy read), or you could also just check out his work on YouTube. He also has a few videos about suicide you might want to watch.

Alternatively, I'd be happy to have a direct dialogue with you if you're interested. I'm just a normal guy but this stuff is very real and there are in fact ways to validate the larger reality. It's freeing just to know that.

Alright, long post- sorry! I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you the very best in your personal experience, Seeker Molatte!

Originally Posted by Molattee

I apologize if this is posted in the wrong section.

Before I go further, I will just say I will share a bit of what I'm going through and while it may go against my will, I am often contemplating death as a final solution.

Now I understand that there are challenges that the soul must pass in order to evolve but what IF the thought of death now is a sign that I have passed whatever it is I'm supposed to tackle?

I feel empty most days. I have a very strained relationship with my family. I don't think I've ever had a best friend (if I did, they're long gone now) and point being, I have no one to share this life with. Figuratively and literally. I'm alone.

I'm currently in my young adulthood phase of life and the transition from teen to young adulthood is hitting me hard. Trouble with academics (I chose to pursue life experiences rather than focusing on my scores), trouble with family (I don't get a long for some reason), trouble with responsibilities and any other thing that is demanded of a young-adult.

I would have no problem tackling all of this if I had support. All of these years I have willed myself and gave myself the pat on the back to go on. (my mother is a workaholic and lives across the world)

I work, I educate myself, I understand..but for what? What do I do with the knowledge I have earned myself over the past couple of years? Who do I share with? My soulmate, as crazy as it sounds, has turned her back on me and allowed me to be this way for a couple of years. That was a very dark path and the beginning of the tunnel for me.

So how do you cope with something like this? Not one man can do everything alone yet I'm probably most familiar with the word 'alone'. I'm an extrovert and yet I'm alone.

Death is a consideration considering that this life is too confusing. No signs from my angels/higher self. No words of advice from anyone (not one worth remembering)

Thanks.

At your age, I felt exactly like you, so much so, I could add your letter in the book of my life and it would fit exactly...I'm 72 and up until my mother died just a few years ago, I never felt love from her...I was clothed and fed well...That's all I can say...She was always a stranger to me and I to her, and never had anything of substance to say to each other...Anyway, I was married to my childhood sweetheart of 14, married as a virgin at 19, and didn't find out that he was a liar and a cheater until I was 32, although my best girl friends knew about him from the time I was twenty!...Not only that but he had also cheated with those two "best" girlfriends that I had from my teens, and I have never really had another best girl friend to this very day...I have had a friendly relationship through the years with those same women, however, we never really discussed the cheating part, nor did I ever get a heartfelt apology...Different story with my hubby...By the way, I'm still with my childhood sweetheart, and when I found out about those girlfriends, I didn't not go for revenge as I was tempted to do, either by cheating, or telling one of my "friends" husband, of fifty years who hadn't a clue...Thanks be to God, I still love my husband to death...We are soul mates, and if you saw us together today, you would never believe that we went through so much heartache with each other...What the bottom line is: Through this, we both learn how to forgive and to be forgiven, patience, mercy, forebarence, longsuffering, love, temperance (yes, there was a definate period of heavy duty alcohol), you get the picture...The point is "We Made it," and we are deeply in love, the kind of love that comes from God, not the kind of love (lust) that comes from hell...Oh, and suicidal thoughts, had them since I was a young teen to about twenty years ago...Not anymore, cause even though I just can't wait to get to the otherside, I've learned patience, and will patiently wait until I'm called...Hope you decide to do the same...Our life here is in preparation for Heaven, and we all have a lot of lessons to learn until our entrance...Only those who love God (To love the Creator/Saviour is to learn how to live according to his Commandments, because, if you don't, it causes a lot of pain both for ourself and others),and those who are in a state of mutual love are admitted...HalleluYAH

[Thepainoflove]

Originally Posted by lili

I am someone who chose a VERY difficult incarnation this time around. Oh the challenges and pain are tremendous. More than I will talk about here. But the thing that keeps me here is fully believing that: first, I chose this incarnation with great wisdom, even though I cannot remember why. Second, if I cut short the lifetime I just will have to repeat it. Perhaps picking up where I left off. I would not wish that on anyone for a future.

While times are very difficult now, there is full possibility they will improve. Times are VERY difficult for many who chose to incarnate during this period of time.

I hope you will consider calling upon your guides to ask for help. When we are feeling low, we more then likely cannot hear our guides. Because they cannot lower their vibration sufficently. But they can and do hear you. And they always want to be asked to help. Because of free will they often have to wait.

I wish I had great answers for you. But the best I can come up with is to stay in touch with your guides, even if you cannot hear them. And to maybe perhaps give to others in a way that feels good to you. It is said that when we do this, we can feel the light of our soul. I also hope you will reach out for help from people. If you are in school, then perhaps a school counselor. So many advanced souls choose very difficult times. But often they do heal from them. Thats the Good news ! Huge hug for you. If thats okay.

I know this isnt my thread but reading this made me feel a lot better. thanks Cos I feel a bit like this guy feels here today.