Meditation Instead Of Sleep

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by davidsun

Here's a link to a TED Talk video by a someone about how she dealt with voices 'in her head'. My hope is that you may find something in what she relates about here experience useful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjE...bsm v_iME1XiM

At one point she says something like "I realized the voices that were the most hostile and aggressive required the greatest compassion because they represented that parts of me that had been the most hurt."

Wishing you well on your journey, CA!

Thank you so much David !

Nice to make your acquaintance.

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

Nice to make your acquaintance.

Likewise, CA.

[captainamerica]

I would love to get Shiv ji answering this question of mine if there is an opportunity.

"At first I was hurt because my moods were not stable because of a panic attack that day,I am fine now.Shiv ji please let me know if I am selfish ? I believe in you .If you say that I am selfish then I will agree and try a LOT to improve myself in this area and become unselfish.And also please let me know if I can humbly render any service to you Shiv ji or to my lord Krishna ji or to my fellow human beings.Love you "

And Shivani Devi ji I did not call you selfish.I did not even mean to call Krishna ji selfish because he is the greatest unselfish person ,it was just a wrath of love , actually I wanted to be with Krishna ji forever but he just left me here alone when he came to meet me and did not even tell me how to reach him again.

[captainamerica]

I would love to get Shiv ji answering this question of mine if there is an opportunity.

"At first I was hurt because my moods were not stable because of a panic attack that day,I am fine now.Shiv ji please let me know if I am selfish ? I believe in you .If you say that I am selfish then I will agree and try a LOT to improve myself in this area and become unselfish.And also please let me know if I can humbly render any service to you Shiv ji or to my lord Krishna ji or to my fellow human beings.Love you Shiv ji"

And Shivani Devi ji I did NOT call you selfish.I did NOT even mean to call Krishna ji selfish because he is the greatest unselfish person ,it was just a wrath of love because actually I wanted to be with Krishna ji forever but he just left me here alone when he came to meet me and did not even tell me how to reach him again so I was angry at my god.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

I would love to get Shiv ji answering this question of mine if there is an opportunity.

"At first I was hurt because my moods were not stable because of a panic attack that day,I am fine now.Shiv ji please let me know if I am selfish ? I believe in you .If you say that I am selfish then I will agree and try a LOT to improve myself in this area and become unselfish.And also please let me know if I can humbly render any service to you Shiv ji or to my lord Krishna ji or to my fellow human beings.Love you Shiv ji"

And Shivani Devi ji I did NOT call you selfish.I did NOT even mean to call Krishna ji selfish because he is the greatest unselfish person ,it was just a wrath of love because actually I wanted to be with Krishna ji forever but he just left me here alone when he came to meet me and did not even tell me how to reach him again so I was angry at my god.

Do you know something? MANY people (and even God himself) has called me selfish. At first, it really bothered me - ask David, he will tell you what I used to do when given that "label" but over time..and probably due to others using a negative social value as a form of insult just to make a point, I started to fully embrace and love my own selfishness.

Being selfish is a part of who I am and learning to be comfortable in one's own skin, means learning to love all those parts of yourself that others hate...and also, the more hate and negativity faced, the stronger and more fortified those parts become.

You see, if I was NOT "selfish" I would have told everyone else that they were all full of s*** and just left it there...done! finished!

Now, if somebody says that I am selfish, I make the comment about how stating the obvious is never a good look...and that I am also lazy, proud, arrogant, devious, moody...and ask if they have anything else to add because I am compiling a list of potential insults that don't affect me whatsoever for posterity.

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Do you know something? MANY people (and even God himself) has called me selfish. At first, it really bothered me - ask David, he will tell you what I used to do when given that "label" but over time..and probably due to others using a negative social value as a form of insult just to make a point, I started to fully embrace and love my own selfishness.

Being selfish is a part of who I am and learning to be comfortable in one's own skin, means learning to love all those parts of yourself that others hate...and also, the more hate and negativity faced, the stronger and more fortified those parts become.

You see, if I was NOT "selfish" I would have told everyone else that they were all full of s*** and just left it there...done! finished!

Now, if somebody says that I am selfish, I make the comment about how stating the obvious is never a good look...and that I am also lazy, proud, arrogant, devious, moody...and ask if they have anything else to add because I am compiling a list of potential insults that don't affect me whatsoever for posterity.

...And that is the reason you are my guru and I am your chela.I should take some lessons from your book.

Sorry if I hurt you my dear friend and guru.I did NOT have any health issue or panic attack in the past few months but had 2 panic attacks on those two days for some reasons and that is why my moods were not stable on those two days.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

...And that is the reason you are my guru and I am your chela.I should take some lessons from your book.

Sorry if I hurt you my dear friend and guru.I did NOT have any health issue or panic attack in the past few months but had 2 panic attacks on those two days for some reasons and that is why my moods were not stable on those two days.

I am sorry to read about your panic attacks and yoga nidra should settle that down..how is that going by the way?

For the record, I am now totally incapable of feeling "hurt"...but annoyed and frustrated is another kettle of fish...like you sending me a PM saying that you have made a reply to this thread...which I subscribe to and choose to respond to in my own time, when I feel like I have something important to say...However, the annoyance is usually very fleeting and I am over it in five minutes.

We have to work on you chewing things and neither swallowing it nor spitting it out.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

I have discovered something new and bad about my health in the past few days and the doctor I go to (and also another doctor) cannot diagnose it so anyone who can help will be appreciated.

I cannot really afford to go to more costly doctors,it is impossible for me or my parents to afford at this moment.

So the problem is I have two voices in my head.

One I can control and the other I cannot.

The other voice I ABSOLUTELY cannot control says negative things about me like "I/you(captain) should die" or "I/you(captain) should be raped in hell",or it says bad things about my mother,father or gods or other people I love.It even says bad things about new friends I make.It especially says bad things about myself ,gods that I love and people that I love and care about and about people who I have no intention to harm to.

What should I do ? Anyone know what this is and how to cure it ?

I am open to any suggestions from anyone.

P.S. In the past I had many mental health problems but have not had any one of them in the past few months except for the two days on which I had two panic attacks and anxiety issues.

I do not know what the problem/disease is so anyone who can tell it to me will really go a long way in helping me even if you don't have a cure.

Thanks for reading !
Have a great day all !

Edit: May be my 7th chakra is really blocked ,like really seriously blocked ...I do not know which disease I have .

I used to have a negative voice inside my head...

"Shivani, you should die"

Me: "really? Why do you say that?"

"Because you are a loser"

Me: "really? Why do you say I am a loser?"

"Because you are"

Me: "way to go with the convincing argument...NOT"

"You should get raped in Hell"

Me: "why? I wonder how large Satan's penis is anyway...curious"

"Lord Shiva does not exist"

Me: "go tell Him that..I am sure He would love to hear it".

"Your mother is a wh0re"

Me: "she can only wish to be one, but no bloke would have her except for my old man"

"You are crazy"

Me: "yes, totally, does that mean you give up? or would you like to play more? I love this game".

"You can eff off"

*Never heard that voice since*

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I am sorry to read about your panic attacks and yoga nidra should settle that down..how is that going by the way?

For the record, I am now totally incapable of feeling "hurt"...but annoyed and frustrated is another kettle of fish...like you sending me a PM saying that you have made a reply to this thread...which I subscribe to and choose to respond to in my own time, when I feel like I have something important to say...However, the annoyance is usually very fleeting and I am over it in five minutes.

We have to work on you chewing things and neither swallowing it nor spitting it out.

I'll be honest with you.I could not practice yoga nidra last night because I passed out after ingesting a heavy dosage of my medicine.

The other nights when I practiced yoga nidra I was not successful in attaining the turiya state but was able to experience and sustain a state of relaxation, non-attachment and peace which lasts for not more than 20 minutes.I focus on my breath while doing yoga nidra.

Also,I get orgasms while learning and discussing yogic science ,if there would be someway for me to become a yogi in himalayas then I will definitely go there and become a yogi.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

Also,I get orgasms while learning and discussing yogic science .

Remind me to keep that in mind when we get up to the part where we discuss Kechari Mudra.

...and thank God this is happening online...it could get rather messy otherwise... although a picture of Shiv-ji used to have the same effect on me....shhhhh.

*runs far away....for now*