So utterly lost.

[OnAPath]

I hope this is the right place. My husband has been through some stuff, and is seeing a counselor for the anger issues. Being an empath, I have to work extra hard when he's upset, and try to release his anger as soon as it comes in to me. I was extra stressed out this weekend, and was not able to release his anger. Needless to say, things escalated and our 2 year old was shouting over us saying stop it stop it. It just kills me. Here's his side. he's got anger issues and he's working on them. His annual training is coming up and our kitchen renovation is taking longer than expected. He's super stressed out. Here's my side. He travels about 75% of the time, I don't see him for 4-5 days at a time. In that regard, I'm a single mom with no family nearby for support. When he comes home, I'm expected to just switch roles and instantly adjust to someone folding towels differently, having input on what's for dinner, etc., and when he's upset, he's not attentive to our child, so I'm still a mom with zero breaks. I have to release my own stress as well as handle being bombarded with his.

He's seeing a counselor. I think that once a couple goes to a couple counselor, the marriage is already over. I fear that he will suggest it. He is already resentful and is convinced I don't love him anymore, which is totally not true. I do very much, I just can't fix him or do everything for him.

I'd like to go to a counselor myself, but they will not understand the nature of an empath. If I tell someone that I take on his emotions, they will think I'm embelishing. I don't want to waste my time and walk out feeling misunderstood. I already feel like that. I am looking to get some crystals to transform the energy, but I really don't want to just block him out.

Any thoughts or suggestions? I can do color therapy with him, he's receptive to that, but I think we need more. I would like to find the source of the pain and be rid of it. Healing, prayers, anything at this point would be a good suggestion.

Is there such a thing as a psychic counselor?

[sea-dove]

When we are deep in a situation, its very hard to see clearly what may be going on. You probably will not like what Im about to say. Based on your post, the things you said, it appears to me you have an issue too which probably does need some counselling for.

Here's a big issue Im seeing with your relationship in the quote

When he comes home, I'm expected to just switch roles and instantly adjust to someone folding towels differently, having input on what's for dinner,

This reaction you are feeling there, isnt a good one. It sounds like you are resentful in some way to his interference/or him just coming back. This must be negativity impacting on your relationship and no wonder he's feeling unloved!. You are not enjoying him being back.

Couples in good relationships are usually over joyed when one has been away for a few days and the other comes back eg the wife often wants to make the husband special dinners and treat him on the days he can be home. The more he's away, the more important it should be to you that he's there, instead, you arent truely enjoying his company.

It is due to this I think you need counselling over how you feel etc when he comes home. What is the real reason why you arent enjoying it? (its more then a case of oh Ive got used to being by myself for the past 5 days). You arent connecting, you arent at one with each other.

What are we going to eat together tonight decisions should be an enjoyable thing.

he's not attentive to our child, so I'm still a mom with zero breaks

yes I can understand your resentment there (Ive been there too) but allowing this to build up, certainly will affect your relationship.

Can you get a break in another way then try to force him to be attentive eg maybe a family member could look after the child one night a week or something (a few hours of childcare? so you can have a few hours to pamper yourself per week).

Trying to force another to do something they dont want to do, will only cause problems. Look more at what YOU can do. He's obviously really trying if he's having counselling.

Maybe after you get individual counseling for yourself to work on the issues you have with relationship, you could look at joint counselling to see if you can then solve the issues between you. Thou from what you said I personally think you could do with some individual counselling first.

Maybe he needs to get another job in which he isnt so stressed and you can have your need to have him there more met too. Counselling together could help you both to figure out what needs doing for you both to be happier.

He may not be empathic like you are but as he's not feeling loved, he is feeling your responses to him and your resentment.

I think that once a couple goes to a couple counselor, the marriage is already over.

Ive no idea where you got this idea from but I know two couples who saw a couple counsellor in the past and they both are still together because of doing that!! (they certainly would of broken up otherwise and they both actually seem to be happy couples now (one of these was my sister who was always winging about her hubby, she now talks about him with respect after that counselling, its been awesome to see how much their relationship changed for the better, she now has more understanding towards him). If one leaves it too the marriage IS basically over, yes then it is too late. Its important to see one when both are still in the wanting to fix things stage.

[Clover]

Good thing he's getting help, by his language, he sounds afraid. Sometimes people reverse psychology words to test you on what your thinking. It's a bit manipulating. Also, you said you fear he will suggest divorce, but he hasn't. Perhaps, you are putting ideas in your head that are making you worry more? There is nothing better than talking to a trained professional to help you sort out your emotions and your way of thinking,imo it doesn't matter if they understand if your an empath, it matters that someone is listening to you and helping you find tools to manage your stress and emotions.
I have heard of spiritual counselors, they do offer a hefty fee if your willing to pay, they are all over the web. Maybe a local church, although some usually don't like offering services unless your a member.

Do you mediate at all? You should practice mediation, maybe practice some affirmations. There is also information on healing and using healing energy.Look around the forum, so much advice in these areas

[OnAPath]

Thank you for the feedback. I have learned a lot based on your comments as well as the happenings this past week.

Originally Posted by OnAPath

I hope this is the right place. ...
I'd like to go to a counselor myself, but they will not understand the nature of an empath. If I tell someone that I take on his emotions, they will think I'm embelishing. I don't want to waste my time and walk out feeling misunderstood. I already feel like that. I am looking to get some crystals to transform the energy, but I really don't want to just block him out.

Any thoughts or suggestions? I can do color therapy with him, he's receptive to that, but I think we need more. I would like to find the source of the pain and be rid of it. Healing, prayers, anything at this point would be a good suggestion.

Is there such a thing as a psychic counselor?

Hi, OnAPath. Wow, my dear - you have a LOT on your shoulders! Pulling off all the responsibilities of a family but feeling, legitimately, like a single parent.

Personally, I would encourage you to start looking for the counsellor who is "right" for you. I've been to dozens - and I'm not exaggerating. Yeah, some of them come only from the intellect - that is what their training is based on. But I've found a few great ones - one who called herself a "spiritual counselor" and was totally suited to me as an empath - she was one herself. And another one, whose training was in the intellectual realm only, brought her own spiritual energies and open-heartedness to the chair and was able to support me from my perspective. I tried one therapist who my dear friend loved working with, but did not fit with me. She was a nice person - just her philosophy and worldview was different from mine and from what I needed.

It's like any other professional helper/healer - you got to keep seeking until you find the right fit for you.

And forgive me for adding this, but a couples counsellor does not necessarily sound the death toll for a relationship for everyone. Again, if you get a good fit, a good couples therapist/counsellor can navigate the complexity of having a third entity in the room - the two people and the relationship itself. They can sort through the relationship dynamics and provide education about relationship-building skills and strategies, which are things most humans aren't born adept at - like me. I had to work to understand more how to nurture both intimate and social relationships, cuz my relationship skills pretty much sucked.

But remember you know what you need best. Your post was very well articulated; you were able to objectively state each position in the relationship; something that can be very hard to do when you're the other half, feeling the frustration and stress and resentment (plus being an empath on top of all that other stuff!)

I really hope you nurture yourself and focus on what you need, too. It's not being selfish - it's about wanting to grow and heal yourself so you are even more capable to be present and positive for those you love.