Bad crazy obessive love

So it seems I'm always running to SF for help these days. It must seem like I only have problems in my life lol. I promise you I'm not a complete mess.

I'm having some problems with a man who I believe is unhealthily infatuated with me and I'm in a bit of a bind because he's been my key client (freelance designer here). He's also been my main networking source for some pretty big name musicians I'd eventually like to work for. I've also got more clients from him.

I have only met this man in person once and I was with my long term boyfriend and we were on a job. Ever since then he's contacted me and paid me for work, we'd chat over the phone or messaging and he would say some pretty rude sexual things but I always just figured he was rough around the edges. Eventually when we weren't talking about business he'd try to buy me with gifts. He'd talk about me like I was an object TO ME. It didn't really bother me until recently (I'm a very very stupid girl. I know this now.).

It didn't get bad until a week or so ago, he's having a bad time right now and he's amped up his flirting and sexual harassment. He gets ultra drunk and goes through my facebook "liking" everything. He calls me. He texts me. He tells me he's obsessed with me. He talks to his family about me.

He invited me to a very rare networking opportunity he knew I would kill to go to. He wanted me to go as a "friend" then he asked (half jokingly??) to pay my boyfriend 100 dollars for me to be his girlfriend for the night. I turned it down when I saw that this event was clearly bait to get me alone when he kept mentioning how he wanted me to meet his mom, his family, and see his house. He even said specifically he wanted to get me alone. I turned him down twice for this event, the first time I said he would get the wrong idea if I went, he convinced me to go again. Then I turned him down again because I was feeling so ill at the thought of it. I called and said I was sick. He then asked me to send pictures of myself in the outfit I had planned to wear that day. Front, back, and side to be specific.

He's talked about me as if I was at some point going to leave my boyfriend for him...how I wasn't "ready" for him. But this whole time I have only ever said "I love my boyfriend. Find someone else.". I just tolerated this guy's perversions because I was getting paid and was struggling to get my career started. I kind of feel like some kind of prostitute now.

At the moment I'm just ignoring him. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm worried that if I continue to ignore him that he'll get creepier and it'll turn into a legal thing. Or even worse he'll find me and get violent or something. I have no real reason to think he'd get violent but he did post a vague angry facebook status which he removed later. Thankfully he lives like 4 hours away.

Anyway, sorry for the novel. I just feel really stupid for even getting involved with this guy. Does anyone have any tips for me to disarm this clusterfudge? I feel so stupid and naive.

Hello Lavender.
Yeah, he seems somewhat obsessed with you.
Is he such an important client to you that you need to keep talking to him and doing business with him?
What if you search for others clients and just forget about him?
Have you talked with your boyfriend about this?

Make it clear to him that you are not interested. Then take it from there.

Originally Posted by ephirex

Have you talked with your boyfriend about this?

Yeah, there is nothing he can really do. We live 4 hours away, he's not going to get violent. Even if he said something it's not like this guy is going to stop and respect my boyfriend's wishes. He already doesn't care since he's trying to "buy" me out from under his nose.

I think I can give up on this client. Every time I do work for him, it's just another avenue for him to talk to me.

Originally Posted by danieltalis

Make it clear to him that you are not interested. Then take it from there.

I'll have to. I just don't want to seem mean about it but he hasn't taken my polite "no's" seriously.

he probably is happily aware of the "prostitute dynamics" of the situation, if i may say so (borrowing the word from your emotional reflection), or he plays it out unconsciously because he can't or don't want to get women in a normal way. I do not believe he is "in love", he is looking for someone to live in his drama so that he can get an outlet for his inner problems. Maybe you are not the first one he does that too..

" he hasn't taken my polite "no's" seriously."

Edit: maybe it is too far of a stretch, but it all reminds me of a pattern... the resistance would turn him on as it builds up frustration for him and it would cause him to crave to regain the control over you that he thinks he is entitled, and the craving is caused because he knows that we when he regains control, he can have an outlet for his frustration, and it results in abuse, which for him would be a satisfaction, because you are the wrongdoer in his eyes..

[Volaju]

I wouldn't call this love either, it sounds more like a very unhealthy infatuation and that he is trying to place his drama's as DeepForest explained.

I agree with both of you. I don't think it's love either, he says it is but he really dons't know enough about me to love me. He thinks I have no flaws and that is so far from the truth.

please keep us posten on how it's went. i hope everything will turn out great for you. peace.