Caring nature ending up hurting me

[Smiler]

Hi I think you are an empath .. It is a bit of a journey putting the energy into you instead ..and not feeling guilty.

It is wonderful helping people ...Some people know how to emotionally manipulate to get an empath to do things for them .
Maybe take three deep breaths before you do something and ask yourself ..Do you want to do it?

I personally like manners ..Not all people use manners though. Oh well :)

Love & light
:)

Originally Posted by mysterious

I think everyone here is off the mark completely. I am a caring person and that won't ever change - there are some people that are selfish in the world and another type of person which is naturally not.

Don't be offended, we're just trying to help.

Originally Posted by alamode

Maybe get a job so you don't feel used if you're being compensated? Most if not all jobs that I can think of are services or products that claim to help people in some way.

mysterious, this is good advice here. The best way to be appreciated for doing what you love is make a living from it.

Originally Posted by mysterious

I don't know what your talking about, care to simplify?

Simplified:
Judging by the fact that you let people walk all over you and feel bad about attending to your own needs and emotional safety, I think this has nothing to do with being a caring person and instead suggests that you have unaddressed problems with yourself. A healthy individual with self-respect will not allow others to harm, disrespect, or misuse them because it would be unkind to do otherwise or cause them to be purposeless. What you are doing is not a requirement for being a caring person. Anyone who tells you so is a liar.

[Smiler]

Hi Terracotta


quote: Simplified:
Judging by the fact that you let people walk all over you and feel bad about attending to your own needs and emotional safety, I think this has nothing to do with being a caring person and instead suggests that you have unaddressed problems with yourself. A healthy individual with self-respect will not allow others to harm, disrespect, or misuse them because it would be unkind to do otherwise or cause them to be purposeless. What you are doing is not a requirement for being a caring person. Anyone who tells you so is a liar.


I disagree with you on some points there, I am an empath and I also had a childhood of abuse ( which was blocked ..hidden in my memory until 2012...basically if something horrid happened it would delete in my mind automatically, a survival streak ). I also had a primary role in my family, which many families with siblings have according to many studies(..the nurturer, the disciplinarian, even the parental role etc etc ) I was the child that wanted too see every-one happy, I was a child who became an adult who had absolutely NO perception of " ME" and although I have almost healed 99% ..I still like to see people happy , but not at my expense. ( I would Note I did not see at my expense .. the concept of that was impossible to see)

Emotional manipulation does occur in humanity ...and that is a fact.

I remember reading professional Studies showed by some experts in the field. Which state that emotionally a child develops 50% of what they perceive as love before the age of 5 . Between 5 and 7 yrs another 25 % is developed ..By teenager years 20% by the time they are an adult 5 % . Regardless of what the home environment is ..Home is the safe haven to the child. So the Adult is in conflict .. a whooping 95% says life is this way . 5 % says its that way. ( unresolved issues ..yes ..by the hands of others ... IMO compassion is what is required)



What I would like point out .. is the "giving" is genuine, and none of us know the OP life personally.
I believe The OP is a caring person, I view the thread from different eyes ...And I think it is worth having a broader persepective from others who "Do genuinely care about others" with out saying they are a liar.

I am not addressing the part on whether the OP works or not ..there are two parts to the OP ... The OP is asking for help not criticism IMO.

With Kind Regards
:)

Sometimes critical (not cruel) can be the way to help others most.

I was abused in childhood and throughout adult life. Part of what makes me vulnerable to abuse is an ability to see beneath the outer person to the hidden beauty beneath...along with unconditional love and a projected need to care and nurture people who are hurting.

I struggle to let go of people I love and care for, because inside me is a child in desperate need of someone to love her unconditionally...and I project that.

I don't take offense at people pointing out that my need to care is related to my issues.

However, I've never worried about other people seeing me as caring and could never accept anything back for giving myself. I don't feel worthy of kindness been returned.

I don't know the psychology of others. But I'm sharing mine because self analysis and self reflection is very helpful for changing what drives us to act certain ways, as well as changing how we perceive others.

[Smiler]

Meadow hi

This is very true ..if one remembers...the mind unlocks the memories when the person is able to handle them...impossible to force open IMO

quote: because self analysis and self reflection is very helpful for changing what drives us to act certain ways, as well as changing how we perceive others.

Originally Posted by Smiler

I am not addressing the part on whether the OP works or not ..there are two parts to the OP ... The OP is asking for help not criticism IMO.

I'd just like to make clear that I was not addressing this either in my post. The comment I made would apply regardless of employment status.

It sounds to me like she has a vocation for caring for others and would naturally like to feel appreciated by others, and a sense of purpose to what she is doing. My comment was to hopefully help her recognise this.

Dear Mysterious,
You make me think how caring and too friendly I have been as a child.
The thing is, having grown up with people around me all the time,
and a lot of distracting things while I've been studying or trying to finish artworks and lots of projects - I just had to learn how to shut things off.
It came out handy especially when I was in the cities where I had to get some sleep with the bombarding noise of clubs going on next door.
But with my sensitivity being up now as I grew older, such sleep over too many things going on and too much noise doesn't come that easy anymore.

As we jump into being an Empath, empathy and what you are going through,
Apart from pointing out how others shut things off to protect themselves at times,
I can only suggest to just always look ahead/into second guessing the results in helping out people.
It doesn't bother me whether I'm being used if it is of a help,
but not to be walked all over. I won't tolerate abuse.
There's a cutting off point I reserve.

[wstein]

Originally Posted by mysterious

I think everyone here is off the mark completely. I am a caring person and that won't ever change - there are some people that are selfish in the world and another type of person which is naturally not.

I am a very caring person. However, my makeup and personality is different than yours. I don't take on others stuff and I don't feel any obligation to fix other people's situations. I do still find it painful to watch others doing themselves so much disservice. I accept that it's their life to live as they wish.

Since you are not willing to change, what are you looking for in response to this thread? Perhaps you were just venting?