Meditation Instead Of Sleep

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

I am not asking Shiv ji to read my thoughts and tell it to me because that would have been a test,I am just asking Shiv ji to understand that I am not selfish I have even planned to sell my house to give back to the poor.

Because in poor I see Shiv ji, as advised by the great saint Swami vivekananda,i just said that because Shiv ji can know that I am not lying ...It was not your or Shiv jis test ...it was mine ...to see... if I am tellimg the truth or not.

Count how many "I statements" you have made in this thread...it is not 'selfish' but 'self focused' to the point of total exclusion. I am like this TOO...until I learned that if one is "Self-Focused' by nature, they turn inward and not outward.

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Count how many "I statements" you have made in this thread...it is not 'selfish' but 'self focused' to the point of total exclusion. I am like this TOO...until I learned that if one is "Self-Focused' by nature, they turn inward and not outward.

Already told you that English is not my first language and when I am anxious or crying it shows in the things that I write.

Everyone is selfish ,even when lord krishna ji came to meet me he started discussing his own agendas instead of helping me.That is the reason I cannot get to trust to love any god.

[captainamerica]

Sorry if I hurted you Shivani ji ,it was not my intention,I just got really anxious ...very high anxiety is still the health problem I face all else is solved.

The problem is I have no way to live my love even though I have zero materialistic desires ...no one can help me and I have no money and connections to help myself.


Who do I turn to if not god ? Don't even have the resources to create for others what I love to create.

Shiv ji please tell me this ,how can personal growth that does no harm to anyone be selfish ?

I loved and believed in you Shiv ji ,when you called me selfish it really hurt me.I am about to commit suicide ,I was only writing this book on manifestation and intuition so that other people can benefit from it before I die. I even thought of proposing to write a book "conversations with Shiv ji " so that people who have misunderstood you can understand you.I thought of sharing the knowledge I have with people who have money before dying so that they can benefit and on top of that I was also about to sell my house to give back to poor people.Thank you very much for calling me selfish Shiv ji.

[captainamerica]

I never told you about this Shivani ji,but I have failed 50+ times in my attempt to get soul consciousness,nothing seems to work,I've been trying since years.

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I am a 'soul facilitator' who needs to set an example...however, not having anybody to share negative experiences with because it also drags them down is frustrating.

REALITY CHECK: Doesn't look to me like anyone here is getting 'dragged down' by your ample sharing(s) here, SD.

Frankly, I find the intelligence and humor of said sharings delightfully delighting!

It strikes me that your spirit could (LOA) 'attract' a feeling of 'frustration' out of thin air!

Hence, I posit that the 'task' (challenge?) your soul has set (attracted?)for itself is to find ways (meaning develop the kinds of attitudes) which would result in it's embracing what is as is and 'learning' to find and bask in easy-peasy 'joy' no matter what the provocation - meaning no matter how 'seductive' the 'temptation' to personally ex-peer-ience 'frustration' (and I am dennis-the-menace-so-you-better-watch-your-step 'animosity') may be.

I am very impressed by the sheer strength of your spirit which results in your having such intense experiences of 'frustration', etc. My spiritual strength
which I think is not inconsiderable is 'puny' by comparison.

'Heavy duty' souls need 'heavy duty' challenges to have an 'overcoming' 'game' that's worth playing, I guess.

[Still_Waters]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

This is the relationship I have with God...and this is also for Still Waters.

It is like the Twin Flame philosophy taken to the Ultimate.

It is like I am only 'half a soul' and Lord Shiva is the other half to my soul...a Divine "Soul Mate"...and although I am not Shiva, without Him, I am nothing.

That's a good way to look at it.

It's not that I consider myself to be a 'worthless person'....the opposite applies, in fact.

The "Twin Flame philosophy taken to the Ultimate" is indeed an intriguing simile.

I think of it as two aspects but the twin flame simile seems to be another reasonable way of expressing the inexpressible.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by davidsun

REALITY CHECK: Doesn't look to me like anyone here is getting 'dragged down' by your ample sharing(s) here, SD.

Frankly, I find the intelligence and humor of said sharings delightfully delighting!

It strikes me that your spirit could (LOA) 'attract' a feeling of 'frustration' out of thin air!

Hence, I posit that the 'task' (challenge?) your soul has set (attracted?)for itself is to find ways (meaning develop the kinds of attitudes) which would result in it's embracing what is as is and 'learning' to find and bask in easy-peasy 'joy' no matter what the provocation - meaning no matter how 'seductive' the 'temptation' to personally ex-peer-ience 'frustration' (and I am dennis-the-menace-so-you-better-watch-your-step 'animosity') may be.

I am very impressed by the sheer strength of your spirit which results in your having such intense experiences of 'frustration', etc. My spiritual strength
which I think is not inconsiderable is 'puny' by comparison.

'Heavy duty' souls need 'heavy duty' challenges to have an 'overcoming' 'game' that's worth playing, I guess.

I'm sorry David, but I am not understanding what you mean due to your writing style which I cannot even read.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

Sorry if I hurted you Shivani ji ,it was not my intention,I just got really anxious ...very high anxiety is still the health problem I face all else is solved.

The problem is I have no way to live my love even though I have zero materialistic desires ...no one can help me and I have no money and connections to help myself.


Who do I turn to if not god ? Don't even have the resources to create for others what I love to create.

Shiv ji please tell me this ,how can personal growth that does no harm to anyone be selfish ?

I loved and believed in you Shiv ji ,when you called me selfish it really hurt me.I am about to commit suicide ,I was only writing this book on manifestation and intuition so that other people can benefit from it before I die. I even thought of proposing to write a book "conversations with Shiv ji " so that people who have misunderstood you can understand you.I thought of sharing the knowledge I have with people who have money before dying so that they can benefit and on top of that I was also about to sell my house to give back to poor people.Thank you very much for calling me selfish Shiv ji.

Every time you don't get your own way, you tell me that you are going to commit suicide just to make a point. So, if you are going to do it, just do it and get it over and done with, because making idle threats about taking your own life just to get 'attention' doesn't work with me...I am very sorry about that.

What Shiv-ji is talking about, is precisely this. Maybe you need 'hurting' to finally understand...to heal. Other than that, you are not selfish...all your priorities in life are just all effed up and all you want to do is dream, without putting in any effort to do anything practical whatsoever and asking Shiv-ji questions that are not only impossible to answer, but are also highly self-serving. However, some people just don't like to hear the truth.

[davidsun]

Trying again, SD:

In post 110 you said:

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

One more thing...it's hard for me to talk about stuff sometimes, because I am a 'reverse empath'...remember I was telling you all about the gift I have? I can make others feel stuff and that has both positive and negative implications. I can lead another to samadhi...or to wallow in negativity and loathing.

I am a 'soul facilitator' who needs to set an example...however, not having anybody to share negative experiences with because it also drags them down is frustrating.

In the first line of the post I made in response to this, I said:

Originally Posted by Davidsun

REALITY CHECK: Doesn't look to me like anyone here is getting 'dragged down' by your ample sharing(s) here, SD.

Forget the rest of my post (which is omitted here to keep things simple).

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by davidsun

Trying again, SD:

In post 110 you said:


In the first line of the post I made in response to this, I said:

Forget the rest of my post (which is omitted here to keep things simple).

Ah, so I get it - you are saying that even though I have said I have 'nobody to express my negativity to', I am still doing it here regardless...and yes, maybe I am just making that distinction between 'online' and 'real life' when 'online' is still a part of 'real life' anyway.

Whatever the case, I also think there is a limit of what one can say/do online ...and being a 'spiritual teacher' is one of them because that veil of anonymity has limited room for nuance, touch, energy transmission and facial expression and there's always a higher propensity for others to get the 'wrong end of the stick' and become highly offended, even though any offense is purely unintentional.

Whatever the case, sarcasm is also difficult for me to get at the best of times and the concept is also almost totally lost online.

There are also some who would disagree with my methods, my qualifications, my 'lack of humility', the fact that I have not totally transcended my humanity and say that I am not even 'teacher material'...well, maybe not for them and that is cool too...because there are also many threads on SF they can choose to read/reply to apart from this one.