How much should i disclose ...

loulou1986 · #1 30-08-2015, 10:03 PM

My husband and i are still having couples counselling together and the past few weeks we have made alot of headway. However he sees the whole 'emotional affair' in a very black and white way. Obviously to me it was a completely spiritual connection and trying to explain the depth of it all without hurting his feelings is SO HARD! I really want him to understand the journey i have been on but its so difficult at times as he just cannot wrap his head around any of it.
To him, i betrayed our marriage by striking up this bond with someone else even though it was never intentional. In life, you do meet people you just 'connect' with and because it has never happened for him he doesnt understand. I dont think i would either had it not happened to me.
Should i be completely frank with him, or is it better that he doesnt know the full depth of it. Maybe it is better that way, but then there will always be a distance between us. Damn these spiritual dramas!!!

YS. · #2 30-08-2015, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loulou1986

My husband and i are still having couples counselling together and the past few weeks we have made alot of headway. However he sees the whole 'emotional affair' in a very black and white way. Obviously to me it was a completely spiritual connection and trying to explain the depth of it all without hurting his feelings is SO HARD! I really want him to understand the journey i have been on but its so difficult at times as he just cannot wrap his head around any of it.
To him, i betrayed our marriage by striking up this bond with someone else even though it was never intentional. In life, you do meet people you just 'connect' with and because it has never happened for him he doesnt understand. I dont think i would either had it not happened to me.
Should i be completely frank with him, or is it better that he doesnt know the full depth of it. Maybe it is better that way, but then there will always be a distance between us. Damn these spiritual dramas!!!

I think this is one thing ive learned from this connection ( and therfore jump at your question

) ..I would never be able to have a relationship with another without them knowing that I look for " more". As you said, of you don't express your truth there will always be a distance. Maybe he will not understand but by trying to explain ( I wouldnt use all the "twin terms" though) will maybe lead him to just think about it, make HIM aware and as for you, you will never have the feeling that you weren't completely open to him.

#3 30-08-2015, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loulou1986

My husband and i are still having couples counselling together and the past few weeks we have made alot of headway. However he sees the whole 'emotional affair' in a very black and white way. Obviously to me it was a completely spiritual connection and trying to explain the depth of it all without hurting his feelings is SO HARD! I really want him to understand the journey i have been on but its so difficult at times as he just cannot wrap his head around any of it.
To him, i betrayed our marriage by striking up this bond with someone else even though it was never intentional. In life, you do meet people you just 'connect' with and because it has never happened for him he doesnt understand. I dont think i would either had it not happened to me.
Should i be completely frank with him, or is it better that he doesnt know the full depth of it. Maybe it is better that way, but then there will always be a distance between us. Damn these spiritual dramas!!!

I wouldn't pretend to know what the best thing to do is but I can tell you what I've decided to do for at least the near future. I've clammed up about it. I'm not going to try to explain it. My wife feels the same as your husband.
Besides, when I go over what I would say in the event I did try and explain, I sound absolutely retarded saying some of this stuff.

wolfgaze · #4 31-08-2015, 12:49 AM

Challenging situation.... You have my sympathy....

kerrielle · #5 31-08-2015, 04:18 AM

My partner HATED my twin flame for her part in what she saw as infidelity. What the whole saga exposed, for both of us really, was where we were lying to ourselves and each other. It made staying together REALLY REALLY difficult.

I tried every approach I could think of to explain it, excuse it, plead it, forget it... everything. It cracked us and we remained cracked to her dying day because she KNEW that I was deeply in love with this person still.

What she could not really reconcile was I was still in love with her. I like to think she knew that by what I did for her, how I was in her hardest days. When her soul passed on she would have known my true heart and seen the truth that I ended up hiding from her.

Sometimes I wish she could tell me if this twin stuff is real... she probably knows better than I do now if I have this cosmic connection or not. It feels like I do.

But in her human form.... my partner could not be remotely ok about it or understand it. For her own sake, it was easier to blame my twin for creating the whole drama.

So... I'd say this is either going to make you and your husband stronger if you get through it (my partner and I actually were way more honest and closer in the end... it did make us stronger, just as it made my twin and her partner stronger in some ways). Or it is going to just show you where the cracks are between you and create change.

One thing it likely won't do is just go away. You guys have been changed.

I wish you luck with everything. It is super hard to heal a relationship that has been smacked with this kind of thing.

Laulau79 · #6 31-08-2015, 06:35 AM

Hmmm I think explaining too much could really hurt your husbabds feelings. And make him feel insecure and inferior. I say this as my husband had an affair and left me and three young children. It took me over a year ( with my soulmate/best friends) help. I think tread very carefully .... Lots of luck

Blissful · #7 31-08-2015, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loulou1986

My husband and i are still having couples counselling together and the past few weeks we have made alot of headway. However he sees the whole 'emotional affair' in a very black and white way. Obviously to me it was a completely spiritual connection and trying to explain the depth of it all without hurting his feelings is SO HARD! I really want him to understand the journey i have been on but its so difficult at times as he just cannot wrap his head around any of it.
To him, i betrayed our marriage by striking up this bond with someone else even though it was never intentional. In life, you do meet people you just 'connect' with and because it has never happened for him he doesnt understand. I dont think i would either had it not happened to me.
Should i be completely frank with him, or is it better that he doesnt know the full depth of it. Maybe it is better that way, but then there will always be a distance between us. Damn these spiritual dramas!!!

I really feel for your tough situation. Maybe downplaying the details of the depth of your TF relationship is a good idea to spare your husband the hurt. However there is another way to look at this, what if actually talking about the twin flame experience (without going too indepth in areas that might hurt) helps him understand the whole situation better and know that its not really your fault or more importantly his fault that this happened?? Coming to your feelings thru it all, I strongly feel that the truth and only the truth can set you free!

Praying for you! tc

- Blissful

QT Pie · #8 31-08-2015, 02:25 PM

I don't think this is something you should lay on someone with an expectation they stay and be understanding/sympathetic. What is there to tell anyway? What do you know that you can divulge?

But then I also believe this comes for a multitude of reasons. *Either way, to be in a relationship in observance of such a handicap to intimacy what's the point? If you can be with no one until your twin comes than be with no one. If you have found room for others then allow them to fully build thier space in your heart.

loulou1986 · #9 31-08-2015, 02:40 PM

I think for my husband, and the fact he is a man he only sees it in one way. He thinks the other man was just 'trying to get me into bed' and i nearly let him. He cannot comprehend that we just enjoyed eachothers company. That we struck up a friendship based on shared interests. That we connected in a different way. He is angry and hurt that i allowed this to happen and that i was naive enough to think he wanted anything other than sex from me. All my friends agree it is absolutely better for him to think that was all it was. If he thinks there were real feelings involved it will hurt more but then i also think he needs to understand it was a different level connection. It wasnt a sexual thing and it wasnt intentional.
I posted this last night because we had a really open and honest conversation about everything. He told me he wanted to be able to understand it all better which is really lovely. Im just cautious as his moods change like the wind and if i say 'too much' it may come back to bite me on the ... later.

John32241 · #10 31-08-2015, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loulou1986

To him, i betrayed our marriage by striking up this bond with someone else even though it was never intentional. In life, you do meet people you just 'connect' with and because it has never happened for him he doesnt understand. I dont think i would either had it not happened to me.

Hi,

In my view, you can not explain an experience to a person that they have not had. It is best to accept that reality and not try to explain to another what they are unable to comprehend.

John