Boundaries

[SaraTherase]

A loss of boundaries occurs when an immature person gives up all of his or her structure, internal and external, and fuses with an ideal, a person, or something else to avoid maturing. The immature idealized “falling in love” that we have all seen as destructive is always a problem in which someone needs to be brought back to reality. If someone has this tendency, they need character and spiritual growth to mature enough to face life and relationships in a more balanced way. E.g.. Selfish gratification of passion at the expense of another person, or of heartbreak, or of immature, dependent, addictive romance.

Simply put, a boundary is a property line. Just as a physical fence marks out where your yard ends and your neighbors begins, a personal boundary distinguishes what is your emotional or personal property, and what belongs to someone else. You can’t see your own boundary. However, you can tell it is there when someone crosses it. When another person tries to control you, tries to get too close to you, or asks you to do something you don’t think is right, you should feel some sense of protest. Your boundary has been crossed. Boundaries serve two important functions. First, they define us. Boundaries show what we are and are not; what we agree and disagree with; what we love and hate. When you are clear about your values, preferences, and morals, you solve many problems before they start. Boundaries keep good things in, and bad things out. When we don’t have clear limits, we can expose ourselves to unhealthy and destructive influences and people.

An example of healthy boundaries

• Have my own time and space and respect others need for theirs.
• Be honest about my desires and intentions.
• Make a conscious effort to maintain friendships outside of my relationship whilst respecting my partners needs for this also.
• Be myself and feel comfortable around others and if I do not, will not choose to be around such people.
• Allow my personal connections with others to change, grow and evolve as they should naturally for the better and if they become negative or unsafe will severe the connection.
• Put myself first and honor my own needs before those of others.
• Respect others and be respected in return.
• Not be manipulated or coerced into doing anything that I don’t want to.
• Not tolerate abuse or disrespect.
• Take responsibility for my own choices in life.
• Focus on fixing myself and my own life.
• Be responsible and self-sufficient.
• Take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and emotions.
• My personal space, home and possessions are to be respected.
• My need for privacy is to be respected.
• I will implement and assert my boundaries with and to others when necessary.
• I will be honest and direct with others in a kind and loving way.
• I will not allow toxic people into my life.
• I will not allow others to assert power and control over me or instigate jealousies.
• I will not people please at the expense of myself and my own feelings.
• I will not rely upon others to give me attention or make me happy.
• I will not allow others to take advantage of me sexually.
• I will not associate with those whom treat me poorly.

You and only you are responsible for what is inside your boundaries. If someone else is controlling your love, emotions, or values, they are not the problem. Your inability to set limits on their control is the problem. Boundaries are the key to keeping your very soul safe, protected, and growing.