Am I just going crazy?

I literally feel as though I am going crazy. So Im going to make this short as I am also on a mission to save the world. And myself at the same time.

So I'm a massage therapist. And soon to be yoga instructor, hopefully. I'm in a weird spot in my life. Letting go and trusting the universe at the moment. People say live in the moment and right now, I dont have any other choice. Been having weird dreams where I've been visited by God I think.

Anyway long story short. I think I found my twin flame. I used to work for his dad and its been super weird since then. God such a long story but is this stuff real and should I shut someone else down who has been nothing but awesome to me in hopes that this boy will come back. He's pretty into himself, and loves playing the game. Was in a couple of movies, as an extra. A sprint commercial. I mean it's cool achievements, but he just thinks so highly of himself. I don't know if he will ever come back or reach any kind of spiritual awakening. I mean I'm trying to work on it and hes on facebook talkin about smokin and tokin and just being a hippie scrub. I dont judge. I love him, because love is the answer and what will save the world, but I guess my problem is I dont love myself.

I need help because I have been with men and women. And I see the beauty in everyone. I have come to a point in time where I dont want to have sexual relations with anyone. Something about keeping you jing high. I dunno. I'm reading Scholar Warrior and trying to be a good yogi. Meanwhile my parents dont understand blah blah long story short. I have a boy who says hes madly in love with me, but it could be because I give him shelter. He's living at my place in WV while I try to patch things up at home. I just want peace for all. I am usually the girl who takes in street kids. Gives them a place to stay all that. I empathize because I know what its like but I play music on streets, and have never not had a roof over my head. Except for like 48 hours once.

So yeah. I met this guy and hes living in his parents basement, during a time when I didnt need a man, and ends up being the son of the chiropractor I worked for when I made the most money. And like it's been sooo weird since then. Like signs all over the place to the point where I dont feel safe going outside in fear that I might run into some one or something and I need to just process all of this stuff that just happened to me. I know I need meditation, but can't because I have to prove myself to my parents that I can do massage for living. Or something...ugh it's such a long story. Maybe one day I'll write a book.

I just wanted to ask if it's a real thing. And how do you know its really really real. And how long does it take to get them back. And is it worth waiting for? SOOO CONFUSED! ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Also as a Massage Therapist, Im educated in alternative medicine. Im really into anatomy and the structure of things. The energy work is kind of like a blur to me and so many ways to read it as opposed to the physical side of things, which is more concrete. So as I believe in energy work, I don't quite totally grasp everything yet, which is why I need more school.

Peace and Love Always
Namaste :)

*Edited by SF staff

By the way, we met when my mom kicked me out on the streets a xmas time. Spent it in a Super 8 when my twin threw my mala beads off of me and told me to get out of his car. He apologized. We both ran to WV for health. Me from FL and him from Cali. We are both hippie children. And like we made the best of xmas in that small little hotel room. Spent like 10 days there. I still here about how much money it was. Well Mom shouldnt have kicked your DAUGHTER out on the streets. Thanks GOD for karma and friends!!!

I'm always confused by people that come here asking if what they are feeling and going through is "real" or not let alone people that claim to be spiritual. Trusting in your intuition and being able to distinguish between the voices of your ego and the heart is like the first step in spirituality. NOBODY but yourself knows YOUR truth.

It's all just so confusing tho thats all. I just dont ever feel like I have two minutes to myself. Like I dont fear death anymore. I fear loneliness though, although Im sure thats what I need but do I have to run to the woods to get it? Time alone. I always have people around me always.

Originally Posted by Emeraldstorm

It's all just so confusing tho thats all. I just dont ever feel like I have two minutes to myself. Like I dont fear death anymore. I fear loneliness though, although Im sure thats what I need but do I have to run to the woods to get it? Time alone. I always have people around me always.

LOL.....You say you're "soon to become a yoga instructor" yet don't have "two minutes to myself". What do you call doing yoga? You'd be the first non meditative yoga instructor I've ever heard of.

Its called money. I'm self studying. God ur highly judgmental if I do say so myself. Thanks tho. Have about $5.25 in pocket. Told you it was a long story. Dont worry about it.

Originally Posted by Emeraldstorm

Its called money. I'm self studying. God ur highly judgmental if I do say so myself. Thanks tho. Have about $5.25 in pocket. Told you it was a long story. Dont worry about it.

It cost money to meditate?

No but my parents think it's something lazy people do unfortunately. Have to go get lunch prepared for my mom, work on a presentation, and just be as busy as she is because otherwise there something wrong with me. And scared for her to kick me out again because this time I really will be homeless.

[awakeningheart]

Originally Posted by Emeraldstorm

but I guess my problem is I dont love myself.

Here's your answer Emerald. You have to work on loving yourself first before you can love him, the other or even before you can understand where your Mom is coming from. And as a massage therapist, I would think that loving yourself is super important, if only to shield yourself from the negativity that so many people carry with themselves.

Yes, sometimes it feels as if we are going crazy, like we don't have control. But you DO have control if you do what you need for yourself, not for others. So stop being anyone's 'shelter' and focus on you.

[Teal]

I agree with awakingheart.
You have all the time to worry about a tf person.
Focus on YOU