My story, my TF, my runner...can you relate b/c I feel alone

[LotusFlower7481]

Hello beautiful souls! I'm so thankful I found this forum where I can write my feelings as no one seems to understands. So please if you have any advice i'd love to hear from you.

I met my TF 10 months ago and it was surreal. After we met we decided to have coffee together. I still find it hard to describe the feeling when i first met him...he went beyond my heart and into my soul. I already knew him and loved him and knew that I was going to marry him. We played the flirting game for several months, he was finalizing a divorce. I was renting a room in one of the villas he had the lease on. One day I read an article on TF's for the first time and I knew this is what we were. That same day he stopped over and walked in the kitchen where I was and said "we've known each other before, you know that" and without hesitation I said i know. Months later we went out for the first time and we spent every day together after that. There was never any comfortableness and it was so easy. I kept thinking how much we were alike. He was me and I was him. Every day for 2 months we were together and he was such a beautiful soul. I knew this was it and I was so thankful to God for bringing me my enchanted love. I held out for this type of love and I was so grateful for it. He brought up marriage and we started talking seriously about it. We are both from different cultures and different parts of the world. He's very religious and was brought up in a different religion than me, I'm very very spiritual but I don't believe in religion so much.

Side note, during this time I was laid off and I admit I wasn't looking for work because I was too busy enjoying this bliss. He worked for himself and later, as I found out his business wasn't doing that well. He did ask me to work with him and I really wanted to but honestly I deal with self confidence issues sometimes and was hesitant as I didn't want to disappoint him.

Nonetheless, one night when we were finalizing our marriage talk we encountered one issue that we couldn't agree on. In the end I said fine, have it your way because I just love you and all I want is to be with you. The next day he ran. He told me he didn't want me in his life and never wanted to talk to me again in this life and after. He ran and I chased. (I didn't know about the runner/chaser dynamic at this point). I have never in my life felt so much pain. I have never felt so alone. My hair was falling out in chunks. I have never cried so hard. He was staying in the same home as me but had his own room. He took off and didn't come home for a couple weeks. It was hell. I stopped chasing a couple weeks later after learning about this dynamic. One month later he came back and apologized and wanted to be back together.

I agreed, these next two months were filled with hate, love. I don't know really....it's such a blur now. . 3 days he loves me the next 3 he doesn't want to be with me. I learned his business was doing really badly and he was broke. I blamed his behavior on him being stressed and not having money but in the end it seems that maybe he was blaming me. I think he's the type to blame others and not himself. I still wasn't working and I know this worried him. He completely changed, he was smoking and wasn't praying and he was an ahole. During this time things were good but never great. I need to feel safe to fully open and I didn't feel it. Our issues came out for both of us and it was really a roller coaster. He kept saying why do you love me? You're a great girl you deserve someone who can take care of you. I am a mess. we had to move out of the place just over a month ago cause he couldn't pay the rent and was in trouble with the landlord as he owes him money. The days leading up to us moving out he proclaimed that he didn't want to be with me anymore and that we won't talk after this.

Well it's been just over a month and we haven't spoken. I've been heartbroken but not like I was last time. Maybe because i know we will always be together....or maybe i've accepted us not being together. The man I met and feel in love with was now a completely different person.

Funny thing is I've been seeing 11:11 everywhere during this time and during the time he was being a jerk. I asked God to give me a sign if this was my TF (which in my heart i have no doubt he is). It was so constant that I've started taking a photo of the time since it happens so often..11:11, 1:11, 2:22, 22:22. For the past 2 weeks when I look at the phone the numbers are similar...1:22, 2:44, 12:34, 8:33, 5:55 and so on AND now I'm getting a really crazy thing where I'm seeing 11:10 and 22:21..one minute off! Does anyone know what this means? I swear to God, I had an interview for a job on Dec 31. During the interview the manager touched his phone to look at the time and obviously I looked at it to and guess what it was 11:10!!

I'm going to stop venting now...it feels good to write my thoughts down in a place where others understand. All I get right now from friends is that he's an ahole and to never talk to him again but I can't help but feel we need to be apart to fix our issues and then reunite. Am I wrong? Is he a jerk? I don't know...I'm so confused sometimes....any thoughts or advice is much appreciated.

[Eyenight]

I will never understand such behaviours
I hate it when people help you build a Castle and then destroy it

[Eyenight]

I never behaved this way. Never.
I have quit relationships when my interest was gone or when it shifted somewhere else but this implies respect towards the other, authenticity, honesty.
You can't make a woman believe that you are into her and then runaway before the relationship has even spread its wings. It's cruel and inconsiderate of the woman's sensitiveness. Because of course it hurts. It hurts when you become affectionated to someone and he suddenly removes himself from the bond. Think twice before you act, write and speak!

[pearlswan]

Whoah this is very complicated. I don't think I even have a friend with this kind of situation. Honestly, your guy here seems so confused with himself and or his own feelings. And I feel like his change of behaviour is just too sudden and weird. Anyway, the number 1 or 111 and so on, usually relates to new changes or opportunities. It also relates to your thoughts, as it creates reality/manifestation. Whenever I get signs with the number 1, it usually reminds me to watch my thoughts. I have a book of angel numbers, it seems you're getting a lot of 2. It means that to have faith and courage as your prayers and or deep convictions are becoming real! So basically it's like, your dreams coming true. Number 3 relates to ascended masters, and number 4 relates to angels. 555 is very important I think, it means major changes and transformations in your life, soon enough. It also tells us to watch our thoughts as it is manifesting rapidly.

[LotusFlower7481]

@Eyenight- and the interesting thing is he was the one who first brought up marriage. He was the one who wanted to have the serious talks. He was the one who talked about our future and growing old with me...

@pearlswan- yes, it is complicated and I'm wondering if I'm just crazy and I imagined this all?!?! But I just keep going back to when we first met and having this intense feeling of him beyond my heart and in my soul. I've read that 11:11 relates to TF's and i guess 22:22 does too.

Like I said I'm so confused. There's a part of me that can justify his behavior. If my business failed and I was broke and I owed investors lots of money then maybe I would be an ahole ever now and then....just from the stress alone. He doesn't have a family who can support him and he's Muslim: when a Muslim man marries he must provide his wife shelter, food and clothing. this is his duty as a Muslim man. No exceptions. Now he can't even provide me anything. Soooo confusing...is it this or is it just my imagination...

[Marie]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through hugs! I know it doesn't help much, but know that the universe will bring you together, if it's meant. No matter what he say or do. No one can stop the universe.
I think though, that it has a large part, what you're saying him being Muslim and the problems it will bring. But maybe you if you get a job could fix him in your work if that's possible. That's just a idea. Try focus on sending him love from you, in your heart and your meditations. Try use the violet flame, invoke it, it transmutes anything that's in the way. You can read up about it, it's supposed to work with tf's. I hope it will turn out better soon. I don't think he are able to stay away from you.

[Angel44]

This typical TF runner behavior. He's fulfilling his part of the contract. He's probably confused about his own behavior because his "soul" is orchestrating the whole ordeal. When my TF ran from our connection, he looked so confused and disconnected from life. One day he loved me and "thought about me constantly" and the next day he was cold. He never disrespected me or lied to me....he was VERY vague with his words.

Before you and your TF incarnated, he agreed to play a role in your spiritual awakening. Pain is necessary to grow. Don't fight the pain, live it, feel it, let your tears wash away the old Karma and past hurts. Allow yourself to die and rise up from the ashes. You will become a beacon of light and love for others....then your TF will rejoin you.

[lunapixie]

What I am about to tell you is something that is on the back of my mind ever since I met my TF and all kinds of crazy things happened as a result.

There's an author, Dr. Michael Newton, who wrote a few books on the subject of life between lives. In those books he told (transcribed) the real life stories of many of the hundreds of case studies he documented over the course of his career. Basically, what people under hypnosis revealed about the spirit world and how we choose many of our relationships in advance of our lifetime.

In the third book in the series - which I have read many times over because it's incredible! - there is the story of a woman who sought therapy after a tremendous heartbreak that nearly destroyed her. Before it all took place she had a thriving practice as an energy healer, lived a very comfortable life and was extremely happy with her life. She was able to intuit her clients needs and help them with their needs, which proved to be a fulfilling line of work she treasured.

She was not looking for a date or a relashionship at that time when a friend of hers asked about setting her up on a blind date. But, still, she went on that date. Her first thoughts were that the man was not at all her type. In addition, he did not understand any of the topics she tried to discuss with him. Basically, he was her spiritual junior - someone not yet awake. So she just sat there plotting her exit. When she left the restaurant she was chucking at the whole experience. However, she heard one of her guides say clearly "be with that man." That's when she started to argue with her guides. She thought they were joking. How could she be with such a man? What would they talk about? She was not at all attracted to anything about him.

But, once more she heard the clear communication "you must be with that man." So she decided to humor her guides since they had never steered her wrong. What did she have to lose, right?

She started seeing the man and slowly he seemed to be catching on to some, not many, spiritual concepts. Soon, they were in love and even moved in together after only a few months of courtship. Wedding plans were being made, she felt like her like could not be more perfect. Then her world came crashing down upon her one summer day when her fiancé announced out of the blue that he no longer loved her and that he needed to leave right away because he didn't want to lead her on.

After that, her life quickly collapsed around her. She lost her business, and almost lost her life as well on the process due to the pain and heartbreak. She left her once successful practice because she felt that she could no longer trust her guides. Why would she? Didn't they tell her to be with that man? And now he was gone and she was suffering. The pain was such that she could no longer help her clients. After moving to another city, it would be another two years before she underwent a LBL session.

What the LBL session revealed was that the soul of the man she loved was indeed, as she had initially sensed, her spiritual junior. Before coming into this life she had agreed to try to help him to awaken to his own spirituality. He apologized to her profusely (his soul did) and told her that the original purpose of their being together was never marriage or a future together. She had only volunteered to try and help him to wake up, which he stated he was not ready to do and that's why he left.

In that moment all her pain drained away from her and she forgave him as only souls can, unconditional and everlasting forgiveness.

Her guides also explained to her that it had been her human self that misinterpreted the purpose of that encounter. She was a woman who had been alone for many years and her longing for companionship turned the relashionship into a romance. They also stated that she had learned much from the whole experience, so all was well regardless of the outcome.

Long story, I know. But this one has stuck with me over the years. I often think if at least in my case the purpose of my meeting TF wasn't only to awaken me to larger purposes. Or him. Or both of us separately. I too struggle with messages given to me by my guides regarding my TF.

But we have to trust in a higher order that has only our best interest in mind.

I am not at all saying that your story is the same as that woman's. But in this crazy journey we are all on I've come to realize that it's best to consider every angle and every possibility.

I wish you peace and serenity. Love yourself, take care of yourself first and foremost. All else will reveal itself in due course. Hugs!