Women and Being over 51% serving to others

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by august2803

How can i get the women i desire while being over 51% service to others? The only thing i desire for myself is beautiful women, i want to be of full service to them, but when i am it seems i am not, they dont want a nice guy or is that a collective thought system i alone can transcend? Seems hard to do so though?

Listen mate...there are just so many things off in this post IMO that I hardly know where to start.

But let's hit the good stuff first...I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to own where you are at. Many, many folks still need to do just that. Don't dress it up...just own it straight up, plain and simple. Because you've been honest, I'll be honest with you, in return.

Now to your post. You say you want beautiful women but you speak of nothing else. Do you want kind women, deep women, women of spirit and valour? Or just hot, fit chicks? Regardless if they are poorly suited, or simply nasty, cruel, predatory, unstable, and/or immature? What about who they are as people? In order to actually speak to any of that with any depth or authenticity, you'd have to actually take time to get to know them.

Do you also have age, weight, measurements, or race requirements? LOL. Presumably you may well. The most honest and straightforward way to get your desires and requirements met straightaway is to directly pay for sex (i.e., pay a sex worker) and then you dictate everything you want, end of story.

But if you don't want to hire a sex worker, and if you've still got a checklist of physical requirements and "hotness" demands, then surely you must realise that the women who will oblige your checklist will also have a checklist of "stuff"...typically they will require either money, status or prestige, or both...and they too may have height/weight/build/age/race/etc. requirements. Pretty shallow, right?

But which is more shallow?...them demanding or expecting that you have a lot of money when most don't OR demanding that you be 6' ft tall if many or most are not...LOL. OR you demanding or expecting that they be or have a certain weight/build/race/age/colouring/cup size/dress size/etc. ? Well...it's too close to call, isn't it? Who wins the "Shallow Hal" contest here? IMO...it's all really vile and shallow IMO, because folks don't come as bits and pieces. They come as an integral whole, just as we ourselves do. And it's in that spirit that we must meet and accept one another.

If you only (or primarily) value looks in women, then don't expect them to value you for who you really are either. Women who seek to primarily trade on their looks will easily sort those men who only want a good-looking woman who fits a certain look, type, or age range. And they will freely offer sex without much discrimination to men who possess "enough" money, status, and/or looks to satisfy their similarly superficial and predatory needs in "relationship". Predatory, superficial women who primarily use their looks and sex in exchange for a man's money, status, or power will see men without these things as having little to interest them. No man is special to women like this...and men need to understand that. You are only ever special to the woman or women in your life who love you as a person, who love you for who you are, authentically, and who want only your best. And it is only the partner who loves you authentically who will ever truly desire your touch for its own sake.

And make no mistake about it, caring for you or loving you as a person, a friend, and as a man will have nothing at all to do with why they are with you -- or why they are having sex with you. In fact, if a woman is having sex with you early on, before you've mutually had time to really get to know and love each other as people and as friends...then it's not about you at all. It's impersonal and not to do with love. Same as it is for you but without the raw carnal lust that men may feel for whomever, including strangers.

Instead, when women have sex with someone they don't know well &/or don't love, there may be various ego needs or lack playing into it (loneliness, wanting reassurance or emotional support, or just straight-up manipulation of men using sex) -- but impersonal sex with either a stranger or an acquaintance is not about who you are as a person. Not unless you both engage in getting to know and love one another first.

So...do you want sex with "hot chicks", even knowing that those who will have sex and "relationships" without love or much connection typically won't care for you except as a curiosity, or for your money or toys or status? If that's all you want, there will always be shallow, predatory women on offer who will essentially trade sex for what you can give them in a "relationship". But they won't love you or respect you or likely even bother to know you well...and nor should you ever expect that, in this sort of arrangement.

On the other hand, if you want love and connection, then you do need to plan on authentically engaging with others, and taking time to get to know them and love them as people first and foremost. That means coming to see them and love them for who they are, as a person AND as a soul...and not just for being a hot/fit piece of meat that you want to penetrate, consume, &/or dominate or possess. That means relating to them as equals, and valuing them as equals. In this day and age, you cannot relate to women as pieces of meat and devalue them whilst expecting that they somehow still see you and value you as a person. Much less love you as a person. Much less truly desire your touch as a man.

You get what you put out..and if you treat women as centrally important to you only for sex, titillation, and ego-boosting from the sex and the arm candy -- and generally for whatever you can selfishly get from them -- then you need to understand that you will attract women who only or primarily value you simply for what they can selfishly get from you in terms of money and status and ego-boosting from those things, etc.

This same principal goes for any man who primarily forms relationships around easy sex or around whatever gets him hard or boosts his ego from a very base level...without relating to the other as a complete person in the fullness of their humanity. And likewise, it goes for any woman who primarily forms relationships around what a man can provide materially in trade for sex and bootlicking.

Having said this, if you still are determined to seek out "hot chicks" above all else, then you've got a rough road ahead. I do wish you well...but there is very little anyone can say to us when we are not yet ready to value others in the fullness of their humanity, which truly is a brilliant thing, full of wonder and grace.

Peace & blessings
7L

[Baile]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Listen mate...there are just so many things off in this post IMO that I hardly know where to start.

English is not august's first language. I believe he's asking why he cannot attract members of the opposite sex, even though he considers himself a good guy who respects women and treats them well. I'm like that: I have always related to my partners in life with an kind of dysfunctional and self-abusive obsession. For me, it was always what they wanted; my needs didn't matter (Fairy Princess syndrome, I would call it). And august... that approach doesn't work, which may be why you aren't finding women are attracted to you. It's a form of dysfunctional need. And people generally don't like needy others.

[7luminaries]

Baile, hello there. I understand what you are saying regarding yourself. However what you speak of for yourself is not necessarily what he intended from his post, even if he is a non-native speaker. His meaning seemed reasonably clear to me, given what he posted. Of course, either or both of us may have misunderstood. But it's very possible that much of his trouble stems from the very women he is pursuing, and the fact that he does not bring what they require to the "exchange". Hence their lack of interest.

I hope that he may benefit from my response anyway...if he is honest enough to own where he is at, then he very well may be open-minded enough to recognise the discrepancy in the way so many men view women's humanity...that is, as secondary to men's and nearly always filtered through the lens of sex/sexual desire and (in modern times) usually through the lens of porn as well.

Peace & blessings
7L

[Baile]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

I hope that he may benefit from my response anyway...

Sure, you shared some great thoughts.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

if he is honest enough to own where he is at, then he very well may be open-minded enough to recognise the discrepancy in the way so many men view women's humanity...that is, as secondary to men's and nearly always filtered through the lens of sex/sexual desire and (in modern times) usually through the lens of porn as well.

You need to watch some Lady Gaga and Beyonce videos, that's not the way women are anymore lol. Back in the 50s and 60s, sure.

[Baile]

Summer of Love changed everything. And everyone was willingly having sex, men and women.

I miss those days, ha!

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by baro-san

Are you "beautiful" too, in your opinion? Anyway, you sound shallow ...

He is young and experiencing himself in his truth as it is right now. Judgement upon those who are being open and expressing their truth to explore and grow really doesn't require anyone to label what they are experiencing doesn't it? Some people wouldn't even open up these thoughts and let them out. And as you see the truth of others will be opened up as well which can be a good thing, because everyone can then self reflect on what they are sharing and seeing and notice more of themselves in that way.

As we know self reflection and being self aware is a learning process and some of us are still learning this even as we might see something that is off, not quite right or doesn't fit the picture.

I was young once and making choices and thinking things that I don't do now. I believed things and thought I needed things, desired things, but I see differently now. I guess being a little more understanding of others walking through desires and needs space even if it seems a little off and not the way we might experience life or view other life, can be a good thing.

[baro-san]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

He is young and experiencing himself in his truth as it is right now. ...

I disagree with your post.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by baro-san

I disagree with your post.

Sure I have no issues with you disagreeing.

Surely you have something more to share in relation to this statement.

It becomes quite an empty point otherwise, which is not leading me or you to delve into more.

So feel free or not.

I cannot
"weigh and consider" more if it doesn't show itself.

[Tobi]

Believe me, I'm a woman and women definitely want a nice guy.

But it does depend on what your core motives are. If you want basically -lust, that is what you will find. If your 51% service record includes true love, then you will find true love. Weird this is.....but true love doesn't always come packaged up in an idealised image of the opposite sex! Although it can!
It can come in any shape. But sure enough your Heart will know when you find it and it will not matter what shape it is, or how platonic it is because your Soul will be happy.
And often, love is found through selfless service of one Soul to another, no matter what they look like.

[7luminaries]

Hi I saw 5

Originally Posted by Baile

Sure, you shared some great thoughts.

You need to watch some Lady Gaga and Beyonce videos, that's not the way women are anymore lol. Back in the 50s and 60s, sure.

Baile... I'm living right now and I'm speaking about how men view women.
So take a look at your response. It's how a man (you) views women. A man who speaks about some high profile women in the entertainment industry dancing in catsuits. You give the appearance that sex is on your brain, and that your gaze and perusal of these women's stage show is somehow revealing of how women really are and what women want.

Seems a bit ridiculous and hard to take too seriously, but your response basically just underscored what I was saying about how men too often have viewed women through the lens of their own sexual urges and then used that to characterise or even blame women.

Of course, I respect your right to your opinion. But it's a rather predictable one, lol.
With all due respect :)

Peace and blessings,
7L