We do not choose who we love…. But..

There's a major difference between "being in love" w/a person versus the love of a mother & daughter (child) ...
An illicit affair is viewed as shameful by the general public, however, the relationship is suppose to be a good one otherwise they wouldn't be involved ...
While the love between a parent & child is expected as well as a semblance of a bond whether the relationship is good or bad ...
Both carry karmic debt due to the harm it has caused & the irresponsibility in not correcting errors ...
Karma is always best resolved; not continued or repeated ...
I've heard people say many times "they are not responsible for how another person feels" ...
Not only is this statement taken out of context, it is not used properly as well as purely selfish ...
That term is used in rehab programs to keep the client/patient focused on their rehabilitation so as not to allow outer influences to derail them ...
It prevents them feeling from as if they need to drink or drug to cope w/issues who yell, blame or ostracize them from past behavior due to the dependency ...
We are always responsible for our behavior - to behave in a civil manner to not offend others regardless of the type of relationship as well make the effort to restore or fix it as best we can w/out the influence of ego ...
JMHO ~

[linen53]

Originally Posted by Nada

Yes. When we consider karma and soul agreement, it somewhat complicates the choices that we make.
As you accepted your relationship with your daughter with the understanding of your karma, maybe our souls' lessons involve how to overcome those karmas. - not repeat the same karmic cycle and to remedy the karma while avoid creating a new karma.

The karma is complete for me as I hold no resentment or anger towards her but I can't speak for my daughter. When I have moved on (after I have passed away) then she will have to complete her lesson with some one else.

But she is still young and I will have lots of time to work with her thoughts once I have moved to the next dimension.

[fennel]

Like Linen, I do believe we choose who we love.

To answer your question, I know that we can control "how" we behave in a relationship. Your friend's son's wife didn't have to engage in an affair. Many of us in relationships have been flirted with or propositioned and not succumbed to temptation.

Originally Posted by fennel

Like Linen, I do believe we choose who we love.

To answer your question, I know that we can control "how" we behave in a relationship. Your friend's son's wife didn't have to engage in an affair. Many of us in relationships have been flirted with or propositioned and not succumbed to temptation.

Yep, she did not have to engage in an affair.
Not the kind of behavior that anyone expected from her.
She probably did not expect it herself.

Someone told me after hearing this story that..
"What matters is not how you act in an expected situation. What matters is how you react in an unexpected situation."

She encountered unexpected strong attraction and she reacted badly.

[Renessme]

I agree on the we do not get to choose who we love but we can choose how we love.

i almost had an affair with a married man. good thing it never consumated in the physical but while we were happy i was very ashamed of myself. i was filled with guilt of how we were emotionally cheating his wife. i had to end it. i left never looked back without a warning. now whenever i see him with his wife and kid, i feel happy. because this is the family i could have torn but didnt. i am glad i was able to cut it and realize my mistake.

very true how sometimes spiritual people can use this as a mask to put reason to infidelity or doing something wrong. he thinks we are soul mates. frankly i think he is right. he could have been my husband in the past hence the incredible sexual tension between us. but nonetheless deep inside i knew, all along i knew, he wasnt for me. while i was glad he came and made me happier and believe how beautiful i was, still if i acted on it, i would have spiralled into the pit of destruction.

for a time i couldnt forgive myself for having engaged in something like that. but now i know that has had to happen so i will know myself more. this is not saying i didnt love him. i think i did. but just because i do or that we are soul mates doesnt make infidelity right.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by linen53

I don't believe it is an issue of preventing the hurting of those we chose (choose) to love. We may have negative karma with that person and the hurt must be expressed and experienced.

My, 39 year old daughter and I are a good example.

In our last incarnations we were sisters. I ended up committing suicide and abandoning her to an angry overbearing and domineering father. The rest of her life was miserable.

In this lifetime she is at a stage of rage with me. It is her karma. She has "abandoned" me. I now understand the payback of karma and I am okay with her "decision". We will be on an even playing field after this incarnation I hope and believe.

Nada -- a timely thread on love and responsibility...and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your young friend.

Linen -- re: the above....
I was very moved by this. I have experienced the same thing.
On both sides. One situation, where I was abandoned (an arranged marriage in prior life) and left with my child to fend for myself under a heavy social stigma and extreme vulnerability. Another situation in the same lifetime, where after I met the man I truly loved (as an abandoned woman). I had to flee unexpectedly for a variety of reason (trying to get a religious divorce to remarry, and some other pressing things) and unfortunately I died en route to straighten some things out. So, in turn, the man I loved also felt abandoned by me.

My official husband felt great remorse and guilt for ditching me after I died. Whereas I in turn had felt shame and unworthiness for being abandoned by the 1st man, the one I barely knew then. I had to work through that in this lifetime, and after we met, I appreciated his kindness and his love, despite his being flaky and inconsistent regarding communication (LOL). We spoke frankly on many things, including this. In the end, we did a great deal of healing and although I don't talk to him now except on rare occasion, I feel that some progress was made and that I have exercised choice -- especially the choice to forgive in love, and to consciously participate in healing, love, and blessings.

Whereas understandably the man I loved and intended to be with for the remainder of my lifetime felt rage and confusion when he was suddenly abandoned due to unforeseen circumstances. Like your daughter, there is deep love but also still a lot of anger and pain there and there is no rational reason for it in this lifetime. It can only be explained by other lifetimes with unresolved trauma. We speak, but I think most of what we need to deal with remains unresolved because of circumstances etc. And like you, I have come to accept that this is where he is at, and it may be another lifetime or ??? however many more ??? before he has fully forgiven me on this plane.

Thank God, in spirit, of course, I think there is nearly always some forgiveness and love freely available. Meanwhile, you accept, you send love and blessings, and you do what you can from a distance to keep in touch, to express love and caring. There's not always much else you can do. But as LK and others have said, it's important to do all that you can do to express love, blessings, and forgiveness.

I think it's very significant how so much of this is coming to light, and more and more are becoming consciously aware of these factors in their lives.

And all the best in love and light to you and your daughter

Peace & blessings,
7L

Originally Posted by Renessme

I agree on the we do not get to choose who we love but we can choose how we love.

i almost had an affair with a married man. good thing it never consumated in the physical but while we were happy i was very ashamed of myself. i was filled with guilt of how we were emotionally cheating his wife. i had to end it. i left never looked back without a warning. now whenever i see him with his wife and kid, i feel happy. because this is the family i could have torn but didnt. i am glad i was able to cut it and realize my mistake.

very true how sometimes spiritual people can use this as a mask to put reason to infidelity or doing something wrong. he thinks we are soul mates. frankly i think he is right. he could have been my husband in the past hence the incredible sexual tension between us. but nonetheless deep inside i knew, all along i knew, he wasnt for me. while i was glad he came and made me happier and believe how beautiful i was, still if i acted on it, i would have spiralled into the pit of destruction.

for a time i couldnt forgive myself for having engaged in something like that. but now i know that has had to happen so i will know myself more. this is not saying i didnt love him. i think i did. but just because i do or that we are soul mates doesnt make infidelity right.

Thanks for sharing your experience.
I agree with you 100% on "Soul mates do not make infidelity right".

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Nada -- a timely thread on love and responsibility...and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your young friend.

Linen -- re: the above....
I was very moved by this. I have experienced the same thing.
On both sides. One situation, where I was abandoned (an arranged marriage in prior life) and left with my child to fend for myself under a heavy social stigma and extreme vulnerability. Another situation in the same lifetime, where after I met the man I truly loved (as an abandoned woman). I had to flee unexpectedly for a variety of reason (trying to get a religious divorce to remarry, and some other pressing things) and unfortunately I died en route to straighten some things out. So, in turn, the man I loved also felt abandoned by me.

My official husband felt great remorse and guilt for ditching me after I died. Whereas I in turn had felt shame and unworthiness for being abandoned by the 1st man, the one I barely knew then. I had to work through that in this lifetime, and after we met, I appreciated his kindness and his love, despite his being flaky and inconsistent regarding communication (LOL). We spoke frankly on many things, including this. In the end, we did a great deal of healing and although I don't talk to him now except on rare occasion, I feel that some progress was made and that I have exercised choice -- especially the choice to forgive in love, and to consciously participate in healing, love, and blessings.

Whereas understandably the man I loved and intended to be with for the remainder of my lifetime felt rage and confusion when he was suddenly abandoned due to unforeseen circumstances. Like your daughter, there is deep love but also still a lot of anger and pain there and there is no rational reason for it in this lifetime. It can only be explained by other lifetimes with unresolved trauma. We speak, but I think most of what we need to deal with remains unresolved because of circumstances etc. And like you, I have come to accept that this is where he is at, and it may be another lifetime or ??? however many more ??? before he has fully forgiven me on this plane.

Thank God, in spirit, of course, I think there is nearly always some forgiveness and love freely available. Meanwhile, you accept, you send love and blessings, and you do what you can from a distance to keep in touch, to express love and caring. There's not always much else you can do. But as LK and others have said, it's important to do all that you can do to express love, blessings, and forgiveness.

I think it's very significant how so much of this is coming to light, and more and more are becoming consciously aware of these factors in their lives.

And all the best in love and light to you and your daughter

Peace & blessings,
7L

Thanks 7L,
Wow, and thanks for sharing great insights from your own past life experience.

[7luminaries]

[linen53]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Nada -- a timely thread on love and responsibility...and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your young friend.

Linen -- re: the above....
I was very moved by this. I have experienced the same thing.
On both sides. One situation, where I was abandoned (an arranged marriage in prior life) and left with my child to fend for myself under a heavy social stigma and extreme vulnerability. Another situation in the same lifetime, where after I met the man I truly loved (as an abandoned woman). I had to flee unexpectedly for a variety of reason (trying to get a religious divorce to remarry, and some other pressing things) and unfortunately I died en route to straighten some things out. So, in turn, the man I loved also felt abandoned by me.

My official husband felt great remorse and guilt for ditching me after I died. Whereas I in turn had felt shame and unworthiness for being abandoned by the 1st man, the one I barely knew then. I had to work through that in this lifetime, and after we met, I appreciated his kindness and his love, despite his being flaky and inconsistent regarding communication (LOL). We spoke frankly on many things, including this. In the end, we did a great deal of healing and although I don't talk to him now except on rare occasion, I feel that some progress was made and that I have exercised choice -- especially the choice to forgive in love, and to consciously participate in healing, love, and blessings.

Whereas understandably the man I loved and intended to be with for the remainder of my lifetime felt rage and confusion when he was suddenly abandoned due to unforeseen circumstances. Like your daughter, there is deep love but also still a lot of anger and pain there and there is no rational reason for it in this lifetime. It can only be explained by other lifetimes with unresolved trauma. We speak, but I think most of what we need to deal with remains unresolved because of circumstances etc. And like you, I have come to accept that this is where he is at, and it may be another lifetime or ??? however many more ??? before he has fully forgiven me on this plane.

Thank God, in spirit, of course, I think there is nearly always some forgiveness and love freely available. Meanwhile, you accept, you send love and blessings, and you do what you can from a distance to keep in touch, to express love and caring. There's not always much else you can do. But as LK and others have said, it's important to do all that you can do to express love, blessings, and forgiveness.

I think it's very significant how so much of this is coming to light, and more and more are becoming consciously aware of these factors in their lives.

And all the best in love and light to you and your daughter

Peace & blessings,
7L

It is very complicated, isn't it, how karma and relationships work. I agree with everything you say; like your second described relationship, the rage and hatred is so extreme only past like karma can fully explain it. But like you said, I can love my daughter from afar.

Thank you for sharing your story.