We do not choose who we love…. But..

We often hear that we do not choose who we love.

I agree with this statement.
Love is effortless fog of energy that sips through thickest barriers and permeate through heaviest locked gates.
Nothing can stop who, when, where, and why you love.
It just happens…. often when we least expect it, when it is most inconvenient, or even when we do not want it.

Although we do not choose the way we fall in love, we still have a choice on how we love….in my opinion.
We have a choice on how we handle our love and how we act on our love - I believe...

Today, I heard a very sad news from a longtime friend that I have known for more than 20 years.

She told me that her eldest son’s marriage ended in a divorce after only 2years. This shocked me since I have known her son and his background well…

Her eldest son is in his late 20’s now. A beautiful boy that I met when he was just a little boy and that I have seen him growing up to be a wonderful man. In fact, I stayed with his family when I was relocating between jobs many years ago. So, I got to know him well.

He really was a perfect child, well behaved, caring, always responsible, kind, and handsome (and he still is).
He was a smart kid, A student and the president of his high school class. He went off to university and landed a great job while continuing his graduate degree in a top program.

Few years ago, he married his childhood sweetheart, a beautiful girl that he met when he was only 15years old.
She became a dentist and they lived together for three years before their wedding.
They bought a house in San Francisco together where they wanted to live. Everything seemed to be in a perfect order for the perfect couple who had been in love for 10 years since their teen years. I remember how much she really wanted to marry him and was pestering him for an engagement ring.

After their wedding, his new wife started working for one of the dental clinics that were owned by another dentist, a man who was 12years older than her, an older man with successful business with money and influence.
In the pretend of discussing her promotion to a partnership in his dentist operation, he apparently started wooing and seeing her outside of their work place.

Then, they started an affair.

When my friend’s son discovered his wife’s infidelity, it broke his heart. He confronted the man but it did not stop the other man from seeing her.

As my friend told me with mother’s anguish how much pain that her son had to endure because of such heartless indiscretion and betrayal, my heart also cried for the gentle lovable boy who never hurt anyone.

I understand that those two may fell in love without their control. I can even understand that the other man couldn’t help himself from falling for her.

But she was a new bride who just married a man that she had loved for 10years. Besides being married, she was also his employee.

Why couldn’t he keep his boundary? Where was his morality?

If he really knew anything about love, he should left her alone.
Instead of seducing her away from her husband, he should let her marriage take its own course.

According to my friend, her son’s marriage was going through a problem before the affair and right after the wedding.
If the other man just waited for a while, he would still ended up with her anyway, without creating any karma, betrayal, and excruciating pain on her husband.

Although the lovers may be together, their love is forever tainted.
I don’t know how two people can be truly happy after causing such pain to another person.

My questions to you is…
Although we may not be able to control who we love,
Can we control how we love… without crossing boundaries?
Is it possible?
Or is it just impossible in some situation?

Please share your opinion and experience..

[muileag]

...as I was reading your description, the question came to me, "Does the older man really 'love' her or are they just having a physical affair?"

This is just my opinion, but if you fall in love with someone who is already married, and that person also falls in love with you, then I would think that you would wait for your love to end their commitment before entering into one with you...if not, what does that say about the quality of the "love"?

I'm sorry for your friend's son. It's a difficult experience to live through.

Originally Posted by muileag

...as I was reading your description, the question came to me, "Does the older man really 'love' her or are they just having a physical affair?"

This is just my opinion, but if you fall in love with someone who is already married, and that person also falls in love with you, then I would think that you would wait for your love to end their commitment before entering into one with you...if not, what does that say about the quality of the "love"?

I'm sorry for your friend's son. It's a difficult experience to live through.

Yeah... I wondered if the older man really loved her too...
For the destructions, pain, and heart breaks that his action caused, I hope that he actually does love her.
We can only hope...
Otherwise, it is just too senseless.

My friend's son has never been a player. He is a sensitive and serious kid. So, I don't know how he will be struggling with relationships after this experience....
I really hope that he meets his soul mate and finds happiness..

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by muileag

This is just my opinion, but if you fall in love with someone who is already married, and that person also falls in love with you, then I would think that you would wait for your love to end their commitment before entering into one with you...if not, what does that say about the quality of the "love"?

this apparently doesn't hold true in the TF section.... I know, I know ... totally different as there are lessons to learn , things to experience, yada yada yada ......

Originally Posted by Dream Angel

this apparently doesn't hold true in the TF section.... I know, I know ... totally different as there are lessons to learn , things to experience, yada yada yada ......

You got that right!
From what I've read in that forum, they all express great joy & excitement in having the opportunity to do spiritual work w/their TF which is contradictory to creating experiences that result in karma debt ...
In any case, the entire TF theory is confusing due to its many definitions so I could be wrong somewhere along the line ...


Nada,

Your compassion, hopes & positive outlook on his future I'm certain are of great comfort & support to your friend ...
In my family, no one as of yet completely forgiven our nephew for his infidelity; its been 4 years ...
I'm glad his wife left him from all the hurt, embarrassment & humiliation he caused her including the anger he caused both families ...
I love him dearly, but like everyone else in the family we all feel like punching him or slapping him upside the head when we see the kids shuttled back & forth between homes ...
Seeing his shame is difficult & enough to keep everyone's mouth shut ...
Unfortunately, he now realizes how much he loves his wife & everything he threw away to be w/a woman he eventually split from ...
They had been messing around for 3yrs of his courtship/engagement to his wife & years into the marriage!
If he had tried to make a go of it w/the other woman my family would not have accepted her which I'm sure my nephew was aware of. Hopefully, it had nothing to do w/severing the relationship ...
If they have a moral conscious, they will learn from it ...

Originally Posted by BlueClover

I will probably get into more discussion later. But I have to say, so many married women do hit on my husband. One story in particular that shocked me....We met this cute girl (bartender)at a night club(banker by day).Long story short; she asked my husband out ( a couple times) and gave him her number.We looked her up on facebook,and she was newly married!! She was this gorgeous Greek girl who had this fairy tale wedding,large white wedding gown with tons of bridemaids. My husband and I were laughing so hard.Who does that?!! Her excuse was that she was "unsure" and that marriage wasn't what she thought it was. FYI,my husband and I weren't flashy when we married,we went straight to friend of the court like two silly kids in love.

Anyways,I think a reason (among a million) that marriages fail so early is possibly because couples get into the pressure of "marriage" and the hoopla that it comes with. I think it's propagated in American culture to live by this fairy tail blueprint that includes a perfect wedding,perfect house,perfect careers.The blue print is heavily marketed in our culture for profit and social media bragging doesn't help. I think the truth of the matter is,many young adults( not all) need a lot of maturing,and this doesn't happen in your 20's. Just my OPINION!


Edit: sorry if I didn't completely answer the question,but I think at the end of the day,it would be wise for a person to end a commitment before they get into physical passion with someone else. I truly dont think you can control feelings,it's part of our human nature,but you can control your behavior and your actions.

Married women hitting on married men, here in USA ???!!!
I live in California. Yet I have not witnessed such thing...
But I was not paying any attention to such possibilities.
At my age, I am still so naive. LOL

Married bartender's excuse to having an affair is so funny (and extremely idiotic). "she was "unsure" and that marriage wasn't what she thought it was."
Yeah, when you are unsure about marriage, having an affair with another married person is the way to solve the problem. LOL
Where is a logic in this thought process? LOL Too funny!!

[Clover]

Originally Posted by Nada

Married women hitting on married men, here in USA ???!!!
I live in California. Yet I have not witnessed such thing...
But I was not paying any attention to such possibilities.
At my age, I am still so naive. LOL

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by Nada

Greek married bartender's excuse to having an affair is so funny (and extremely idiotic). "she was "unsure" and that marriage wasn't what she thought it was."
Yeah, when you are unsure about marriage, having an affair with another married person is the way to solve the problem. LOL
Where is a logic in this thought process? LOL Too funny!!

ha ha, those foreign women ! LOL ....... just kidding folks

Originally Posted by Dream Angel

ha ha, those foreign women ! LOL ....... just kidding folks

I actually had been to Greece and I did not see any married women hitting on married men there neither..
I really should pay more attention to what is really going on..

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by Nada

I actually had been to Greece and I did not see any married women hitting on married men there neither..
I really should pay more attention to what is really going on..

Greece, isn't on my list of places to visit ......

yes, you should ! you are missing so much drama and excitement !

of course, one does not always have to travel to have such experiences, just keep your eyes open