Do nice people finish last?

Originally Posted by not human

...the old saying one must love oneself before one can love another...

Very true. We often find that we must love self before others do as well.

[NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by mysterious

Tnx, friend.

Yeah - I should just be me and forget the rest. My family seem to have a problem when I act like me.

So is it family taking yourself to bed at night, working your day, thinking your thoughts, owning your feelings, washing your dishes, walking your path? I reckon not. Then how can they decide what is you and what is not? Is it really their problem or is it yours? They have their own lives and yours is not theirs. They can't expect you to act one way for them and another away from them. If they do, then they are disregarding your right to be yourself and that's not acceptable.

Perhaps you might take the time to discover who you really want to be then stick to that. No swaying to suit this one or that one. All the way down the line girl...this is who I am...this is who i want to be and this is what others must accept.

They'll eventually come round when they realise you aren't going to bend to their ideals of who they want you to be.

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by Time

Well, it was jesus who said the meek will inhareit the earth right?

Look at evolution, especially after the dinosaurs. Every species that was in the dinosaurs shadows, survived and evoled into the lethora of mammalian species we see today....

LOL......love it!

In your OP, you noted that your ‘own life progression suffers’ because of being empathetic & sensitive, holding the door open for everyone. How has your ‘own life progression’ suffered?
Before I asked what was first or last. Maybe I should have asked finishing first or last about what?

Originally Posted by mysterious

... I guess I dont know how to be assertive and be caring, since I always feel bad and guilty that I didnt help someone. Then I cant let that thought go, I am so messed up. Plz help.

It isn’t your job to fix others. You can give them useful tips, but their journey is their responsibility. If you are beating your self up about not helping them, please consider why you’re holding your self responsible?

Originally Posted by mysterious

...Do caring, empathy and compassion ppl finish last? Meaning what if ppl just take and take from you and you feel as if you are always in the back seat of life over others or feel like you are treated like a 2nd class citizen?

Finish what last? Life journey? Material goals?
Can you provide some instances where you feel that people have taken & taken from you that resulted in your feeling like a second class citizen.

Chalk1990 brings up a good point about boundaries.

Do you feel that it is selfish to take care of your own needs & be assertive? It isn’t. Organized religion & even some new age sources have told us that the Best Highest Purpose is to be of service to others. For organized religion this had multiple motives. It got them 1000s of very low paid employees for millennia. It also steered people away from connecting internally & deeply. We can only be on any real use to others when we take care of our own issues. This isn’t being selfish.

Right to that one. I don't see people finishing anything until they're dead ;)

Originally Posted by mattie

What finishing last or finishing first is would be very useful to define.

Originally Posted by WhiteShaman

Since you said "everyone" which includes me, I will have to take exception to this.
If that is how you are.........fine. It is not my nature and never has been nor was it the firemens nature that ran into the collapsing twin towers to save strangers in need.

My mistake Whitey.... and it did appear as I was being callous and self centered but that was not the intent.

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by not human

My mistake Whitey.... and it did appear as I was being callous and self centered but that was not the intent.

Fair enough...............for a minute there I thought you were not human.........lol

Peace brother

Originally Posted by not human

My mistake Whitey.... and it did appear as I was being callous and self centered but that was not the intent.

I will clarify. Example regarding being self serving... I have a few sub contractors that work for me, I pay them a lot more than I need to, I make sure they have plenty of work and I keep a line of communication to them. We work more as friends than associates.
Can you see how this situation is benificial to my interests. I don't see myself as being nice or selfish my best interests can also serve others.
Same with children I could kid myself that I give them unconditional love and that my actions are based around their welfare. This does not take into account the tremendous payback I get in terms of love and sharing.
What I am trying to dispell here is this sacrificial concept of caring. It has to work both ways. Having said that a crisis situation is the exception to the rule and that is based in a present time response.

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by mysterious

Since I feel like I do. How are you supposed to be empathic and sensitive if you hold the door open for everyone and subsequently your own life progression suffers?

Being empathic and sensitive does not mean you put yourself into a position to be taken advantage of. That is not being empathic and sensitive at all. That is not standing up for one self.

If your progression is suffering or not moving forward that is a result of putting others ahead of you before you do anything or even in some cases it's yourself not doing anything so someone else can do it.

Again that is not about being nice but is about not standing up for yourself.

Being nice is not about being a door mat for others. It's about treating people in a way that you want them to treat you. If they are not treating you the same way it's best to move away from them or sometimes cut them out of your life.

[Silver]

Originally Posted by not human

I will clarify. Example regarding being self serving... I have a few sub contractors that work for me, I pay them a lot more than I need to, I make sure they have plenty of work and I keep a line of communication to them. We work more as friends than associates.
Can you see how this situation is benificial to my interests. I don't see myself as being nice or selfish my best interests can also serve others.
Same with children I could kid myself that I give them unconditional love and that my actions are based around their welfare. This does not take into account the tremendous payback I get in terms of love and sharing.
What I am trying to dispell here is this sacrificial concept of caring. It has to work both ways. Having said that a crisis situation is the exception to the rule and that is based in a present time response.

All of it an exceptional excellent response ~ and a nano-nano to you too.