Can you forgive someone who left you

[Lumin]

Forgiveness is important, and also apart of being authentic with oneself as well as sharing that aspect with other’s - if we do not forgive ourselves or other’s, we are also holding onto pain from those past situations when they had occurred. And if one doesn’t release the negativity that has build up, just as a thing we do to keep ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically healthy, as I feel doing that helps keep our lives balanced. If one doesn’t do this on a regular basis - all negative emotions that have build up over time - fear, pain, anger/hate, resentfulness, bitterness, pride, ego will continue to build up, and the more one let’s them grow, the more one will suffer. And create suffering around them. It’s a very vicious cycle, that also crack’s one’s foundation.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Luminarium

Forgiveness is important, and also apart of being authentic with oneself as well as sharing that aspect with other’s - if we do not forgive ourselves or other’s, we are also holding onto pain from those past situations when they had occurred. And if one doesn’t release the negativity that has build up, just as a thing we do to keep ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically healthy, as I feel doing that helps keep our lives balanced. If one doesn’t do this on a regular basis - all negative emotions that have build up over time - fear, pain, anger/hate, resentfulness, bitterness, pride, ego will continue to build up, and the more one let’s them grow, the more one will suffer. And create suffering around them. It’s a very vicious cycle, that also crack’s one’s foundation.

I strongly disagree with this sentiment. To me being a well balanced healthy person means allowing yourself to feel anger, resentment, bitterness and all your unpleasant emotions especially after you've been hurt.

Yes it's true. You want to eventually let go of anger and pain. That's a given, but thinking that forgiveness is going to just put everything right is nonsense and in fact may make things worse. You deserve to heal without the added pressure of forgiveness. Maybe when all is well again you will forgive easily or maybe not. That's your right.

[Lumin]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I strongly disagree with this sentiment. To me being a well balanced healthy person means allowing yourself to feel anger, resentment, bitterness and all your unpleasant emotions especially after you've been hurt.

Yes it's true. You want to eventually let go of anger and pain. That's a given, but thinking that forgiveness is going to just put everything right is nonsense and in fact may make things worse. You deserve to heal without the added pressure of forgiveness. Maybe when all is well again you will forgive easily or maybe not. That's your right.

You disagree, cause of the perspective you’ve chosen to meet what I’ve said.

We do have experiences that can bring that out and can magnify how strongly we feel them. That’s why I said what I did about forgiving. Ultimately,negativity is not something you want to hold onto for a long period of time. And you’re suggesting that it’s ‘healthy’, to hold onto them for a prolonged period. When it isn’t.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Luminarium

You disagree, cause of the perspective you’ve chosen to meet what I’ve said.

We do have experiences that can bring that out and can magnify how strongly we feel them. That’s why I said what I did about forgiving. Ultimately,negativity is not something you want to hold onto for a long period of time. And you’re suggesting that it’s ‘healthy’, to hold onto them for a prolonged period. When it isn’t.

I didn't say prolonged.

What I am saying is, I think a person should be allowed to experience whatever emotions they need for as long as they need in order to process their pain. It's always easy to talk about forgiveness when it's not your own pain.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Luminarium

You disagree, cause of the perspective you’ve chosen to meet what I’ve said.

We do have experiences that can bring that out and can magnify how strongly we feel them. That’s why I said what I did about forgiving. Ultimately,negativity is not something you want to hold onto for a long period of time. And you’re suggesting that it’s ‘healthy’, to hold onto them for a prolonged period. When it isn’t.

it is definitely not 'healthy' the way people think of health. But I like it anyway

[Lumin]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I didn't say prolonged.

What I am saying is, I think a person should be allowed to experience whatever emotions they need for as long as they need in order to process their pain. It's always easy to talk about forgiveness when it's not your own pain.

I wasn’t suggesting to avoid the emotions that they were feeling. The understanding that I have of it, comes from the emotions that I’ve faced and come to understand.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Luminarium

I wasn’t suggesting to avoid the emotions that they were feeling. The understanding that I have of it, comes from the emotions that I’ve faced and come to understand.

I know you weren't suggesting that but what your talking about is higher level stuff. She might not be at that level right now. I think that healing should be the goal above all else with or without forgiveness.

[Lumin]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I know you weren't suggesting that but what your talking about is higher level stuff. She might not be at that level right now. I think that healing should be the goal above all else with or without forgiveness.

I was just sharing the understanding that I have of it, even if you consider it to be higher level. What I've said can be of help to other's, that are open to it - not just to her solely.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Luminarium

I was just sharing the understanding that I have of it, even if you consider it to be higher level. What I've said can be of help to other's, that are open to it - not just to her solely.

I agree with you, and I am also sharing my perspective which some will accept and others may not. I am fine with that.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by GalTrav

Thank you all for your thoughts! Yes you are right. It's part of the grieving process and just like anything else, it takes time. Out of sight, out of mind. I know I can overcome this. Just the initial stages is a bit difficult. I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though. One day I'm okay then the next out of the blue it'll hit me again and that pain would just catch up. It's funny because I opened my email today and found a free seminar about "How to remove anger from our relationships" and coincidentally it'll be held in the same neighborhood I'm in, what are the chances!? It came just in time.

The Universe Provides!