Opening up to relationships again

[ocean]

I've been out of the dating game for a long time. Apart from a few exceptions, the majority of the people I've attracted in my life (and have been attracted to) have been absolutely terrible for me. I realised I needed to stop dating so that I could work on whatever the issue was, but as a result I closed off my sexual energy, whilst my heart energy was starving for affection.

I did work on many other issues, and have made massive leaps, and I'm starting to feel ready to open up again but I need help with a few things.

1) I want to open up in a healthy way. I've opened up several times before, and just attracted the same kind of person in, so obviously I hadnt learnt what I needed to know. Being passive isn't teaching me it, so I need to open up again, but I want to do it safely.

I'm currently working on just opening up my energy field and trying to sense what men are like energetically. I'm practicing on men on public transport, and men I pass on the street.

2) I have a fear of rejection and abandonment. Grounding exercises are helping with this a lot, and the screening exercise is helping with the fear of rejection.

3) I'm energetically clueless about how to attract the right partner. I've done things like making lists and doing vision boards, but honestly, I dont think it's helpful for me to approach anything using the mind. I want to take this from a purely energetic perspective. I've also been trying to feel the feeling of the right partner.

Sometimes I wonder if it's better to be passive and let the Universe deliver the right person. After all, people always say that you meet your soul mate when you least expect it. But being passive hasnt really worked. (Nothing's worked in a long time).

Would really appreciate any insights!

[heartsound]

I didn't exactly see the question however, My advice is to not think about it too much.

[Flora]

I'm not sure if its helpful but have you ever thought on moving your perspective a little?
When we attract the wrong people, we send out the "wrong" signals. The question is why and I also don't think that one should concentrate too hard on one specific part of the population (men) but people in general.
Also - concerning the why - we act as we do because of special reasons.
So you can't just change the outside without looking inside, without tying to find these reasons.

[shoni7510]

Attracting love can feel like a game at time but a very exhausting one. But you can find love when you least expect it and you are not even looking. It is better to concentrate on raising your vibration and finding the balance within yourself and the rest shall follow.

Came to the relationship section to post something very similar.

I'm kinda in the same boat but i don't want to hijack this thread.

Every time someone has come along it has been when i was just focused on myself and nothing else. i feel like when you're ready the universe will give you the opportunity. My issue is the universe keeps sending me females that are badly damaged and look outside for help instead of looking in.

Take your time and be patient. Rushing it may have the same affect you're trying to avoid.

Every time I've felt like I was no longer in need of love is when someone showed up.

[ocean]

Thanks everyone.

Badcopyinc, you're welcome to share here. Sometimes it's helpful.

But yeah, you are all basically right. The best way to open up to love is to focus on making yourself happy. I'm feeling increasingly in the flow, and whenever I'm in this space I dont even really care if I meet someone.

It's only when I feel low that these feelings of loneliness come up. However, I'm realising that the feelings are actually what I need to look at, instead of wishing them away on the wings of another person.

[shoni7510]

Way to go Ocean!

Yes Kudos!!

Thank you for that. but to be honest just reading what everyone else wrote for you and even what came to mind for myself as i was typing that message was exactly what i needed.

[7luminaries]

Ocean I think most of us can expect very little in terms of emotional resonance, affirmation, or even spiritual depth in most human partnership relationships at this stage in our development.

Why? Because first and foremost, we have to love a person (he or she) as they are, as a person and as a friend ... well before looking at them sexually, or as a long-term partner, either one. Well before having sex or committing to another, either one.

And yet most folks do not and are not looking to get to know and authentically love the person they are having sex with or planning to have sex with. Or are committed to or are planning to commit to. But if you are just looking to have sex, or even to just get married, then you can do these things if you follow "the rules" and play "the game", meaning as a woman you are sexually available to the man (sex partner) and/or are subservient, submissive, and supportive (wife or committed partner) to the man.

A huge proportion of men will simply not have it any other way -- unless the man is extremely evolved, confident, compassionate, emotionally generous, wise, and is both willing and able to love you as a person and as a friend first and foremost...long before seeking sex and control. But as you know, there is often a "terrible" price to pay for signing away your dignity and your person to another simply to prop them up and meet their demands.


YOU are not "the problem"...you are one person in a sea of humanity, much of which is either very young, or very self-absorbed, or very base, exploitative, and needs-driven. Once you understand this, then you have to step back and be realistic.

Unless you are willing to sign onto this freely with eyes wide open (give away sex and cede control/be submissive), then you're most likely going to have to focus on you and getting your very real human need for love and companionship through other folks and other channels. For the most part and most of the time. Seeking happiness via a man is simply not viable for most women if most men cannot authentically love most of the women they seek as partners as people and as a friend ("authentic love" here meaning, they actively seek and support the highest good of the woman simply for who she is; they want the best for her just as they would for beloved children, family, and friends -- nothing to do with whether she's giving them sex or is with them or whatever. And the same would apply for the woman for the man, and for either partner in any situation).

Things will have to undergo a sea change for that to regularly happen for most folks, most of the time. Yes...we still try here and there, most of us, because at some point we want children and companionship. But as a woman you have to learn to set firm boundaries and standards so that your dignity and your humanity are honoured and you're not taking loads of rubbish and being used for sex, and once you do so, you'll find most men most of the time are not interested if you're not giving it away and making it super easy and giving them loads and loads of ego boosting and bootlicking. None of which most of them will do for you, hahaha. Meantime...you'll need to create your own happiness and human connections, and to generate and share your own love.

Luckily (!!!) there are loads of channels to give and receive love, such as as a church/temple/etc or volunteer work, or being neighbourly, etc., and there are loads of folks who will love and welcome someone with a generous and kind heart These are places which will welcome you and will not reject you or turn you away. If someone there happens to truly befriend you, you are arguably more likely to at least regularly give & receive kindness and decency from them...and then later if they seek partnership if you are willing...then that would be lovely. Otherwise, no worries...

Above all, I would strongly advise doing what you need to do to be strong and independent in your centre, so that others don't seek to take advantage or exploit you...and to avoid signing onto "terrible" relationships simply because it is promoted as the normative way to be happy and fit in. As you well know, being dehumanised is a terrible way to try to find happiness and peace...and it's not the best way to live from your centre, either.

All the best to you!
Peace & blessings
7L

[Fearless36]

Okay the first thing to recognise is that we attract everything in our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly. What you have previously attracted you are judging big time. And sadly in doing so you are limiting to what you can create in your future with the focus being on the past. Instead look at the past as being a reference point for what you created that you can use to create something different instead.

Sexual energy and heart starving for affection are all simply choices you made. You can simply choose for your sexual energy and your heart to be nourished and turned on.

1) You say you want to open up in a healthy way – have you tried using affirmations and asking the universe to help you open up? The universe is a massive place and on this planet there are some huge numbers of people so why not ask the Universe for help and to create situations in which you can open up?
2) Your focus is on men solely – why not instead practice on women and animals too. Your heart has been closed down for a while and so with women and animals or pets you can find yourself opening up faster because you haven’t got the urgency or dating agenda that can act as a barrier.
3) These are choices that you can use to create a future or you can choose to go beyond them and not let your future be created with these in place.
4) As well as making lists of what you do want, also be clear with what you don’t. Also using affirmations are key here. You are broading casting affirmations some 7,000 times a day – why not broadcast affirmations that help you create what you are wanting to create in life and with a partner? Even if it’s a generalised affirmation “I am willing to be loved by others” for example. It’s a lot more neutral than “I need a man” kind of broadcast.


You say nothing has really worked in a long time – but I’d argue that you have got exactly what you are broadcasting to the universe which is great news, because its got you to this place where you can now start working on what you want your life to be like and the kind of people you want around you. Having created your “wish” list you haven’t mentioned any actions you have done with that. For example, you work out the kind of man you are looking for – what actions have you taken to meet that kind of man? What actions have you done to meet new people? Universe has a large variety of men and so you need to do things to meet new people.