I hope he's not my TF

[ByChance]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

It's a long read, but I really need to get it fo my chest. I'm so confused about this part of it all...

Now that's it's been a month since he broke up with me, and I'm starting to find more solid ground, I'm beginning to wonder about the whole 16 months I've been with him.
Wondering whether he actually has been honest with me or not. I did trust him, did feel he was totally honest with me, yet I kept having this odd feeling at the same time from the word go. Not when we were together, that is together at my place. I did feel something being off when I was at his place. As if he didn't want to be seen as lovers with me when we went out, even if it was just the supermarket. Yet, he introduced me to his band when they had to play and it was pretty clear then that we had something together. And I have met his daughter, however briefly that may have been.

I'm not going to tell everything, would be too long a story anyways. What I really don't get is that someone can seem so honest and trustworthy, and quite possibly isn't trustworthy nor honest at all? I don't get it.
With me he was always sweet, loving, caring, into me, helpful, supporting and so. Always holding my hand when we went out, or put an arm around my shoulders. Loving, always having an interested in me, even in my past. In short: the ideal partner you'd take home to mommy.

A gazillion other little and bigger things. How could I have been so stupid to fall for a con man AGAIN? Or was he? Maybe HE is confused for whatever reason and maybe with me felt at peace and himself for a change? Like not having to keep up appearances. But then again... Why was he awkward when I was at his place when we went out?
Okay, my gut told me something was off, but I honestly thought it was old fears from having been with a narcissist for 10 years. That seriously messes you up.
What does mess me up now is that at least with the narcissist it was crystal clear. With this man it wasn't. I would almost still vow that he's honest and trustworthy. How is this possible? I do not understand? ANd how do I handle this so it doesn't create more / new fears that will surface in a new relationship?

First I really would've loved to get back together with him, because of the deep connection and I loved him to bits. And that he was that ideal partner. But now... I don't think I'd take him back even if he wanted to. Even though I still love him.
Stupid thing is, I still get signs he IS my TF.

All I can hope is that next time I WILL listen to my intuition and have the strength to cut a man loose as soon as I sense even the slightest thing being off.
Even readings I got from different people were contradicting in nature. From 'dishonest lying man who's leading you on' to 'Twin Flame' and 'the right match and totally wonderful'.

Question remains: how can someone be like that? I can't get my head around it.
And how the heck did I attract yet another odd relationship? I was really doing well when I met him, totally happy, empowered, not even looking for a partner at the time.

Hi FC,
Curiously, I had the same feeling when I shared two weeks with my TF at his parents house, 13 years ago. I met all his family. But he wasn't comfortable when I approached him physically, for example, holding hands and hugging him in front of them, though it was pretty obvious we loved each other. Love cannot be hidden. I mean, I was visiting him in his country, I was there for him. He was happy to be with me. He told me things about his life that were like secrets. He was very open with me, more than me with him. I was always wandering: why is he telling me this about his life? About his childhood? I think now that he didn't feel comfortable that I were touchy in front other people, though he loved me doing so when we were alone. I guess he felt a bit embarrased since it was obvious we were deeply in love and the people kept on seing us, even strangers could talk to us out of the blue. We would act as silly people in front of others. He is introvert and he didn't felt comfortable being vulnerable and like an open book in front of others. But for me, I didn't care, I could be holding hands, kissing him and hugging him always, in front of anybody.