Why do we fall in love with the wrong person

Have you worked on your self love and self esteem in therapy Froe?

[froebellian]

I have medium_laura.. unfortunately Spirit has other plans for me which I am rebelling against..

My opinion is that it's maybe a life lesson or something

[froebellian]

OK.. I have learnt my lesson I think..now can I have a good man please?

Originally Posted by froebellian

8 years of therapy already..but yes maybe a very complicated and crazy learning path

Also, you have to be READY to change.
When I went to my "life changing" therapies, I was very ready due to a life changing experience.
When I was really ready, I searched for a good therapist who can really bring out the truth and she shoot straight thru my thick barriers/logics/facade/defence that I carefully had built over my lifetime.

When I was not ready, I had gone to some therapies to just validate what I believed to be the reason so I did not have to change. (and to blame the situations/guys rather than my deep inner self)

You have to really really ready to uncover the truth.
You have to let go of the control and it is very hard to do.

I agree with Nada. We have to be the partner that we want to attract.

By working on changing self to be WHO you want to attract in a partner. Which may have qualities of faithful, honest, loving, self sufficient, etc. Are you all of those things? When you can say "Yes" I know and love myself. I do not NEED a man to complete me.. but wish for a partner to "share" my life with. That is when that partner will be attracted to you.

I was married and divorced 3x before I realized it was me.. not them. Now I'm happily married to a man that respects me (because I respect me), loves me (because I love me), etc.

Just offering some suggestions. Being alone for a while and working on self may be the thing you need the most.

[froebellian]

Thanks all.. I don't have problems attracting.. but its whether or not I feel there is a future in it as I don't want to invest time into something thats not worth it.

Originally Posted by froebellian

Thanks all.. I don't have problems attracting.. but its whether or not I feel there is a future in it as I don't want to invest time into something thats not worth it.

I know it is not about attracting. There are a room full of great guys who want you but you are attract to a wrong guy for you (the one that gives you that vibe and your subconscious/unconscious recognizes him).
I had been there.

Yes, you attract the one that is going to use you, abuse you, disrespect you, etc. It's not the amount you can attract, it's realizing that the others are going to be this way for you. You probably do not attract the "good guys" because they are harder to land.

Originally Posted by froebellian

Well in my case..it seems to happen all the time.

The pain interferes with everything else and I cannot be rational.

Sometimes I wish I could not fall in love!

I think you need to find it in yourself that what you want from a partner and what you don't want, and see if there is any harmony in them or not. If not then it might be you that conflict a relationship, not the other side of the line.