Wrong Timing?

Long story that I'll make as short and coherent as possible...

In the last few years, I have developed strong feelings for a friend (I'm a gay female, to avoid any further confusion going foward...)

This has been the case most of my other unrequited loves, I guess I have a thing for falling for friends, But that's how it happens with me, I get to know someone well and the other feelings kick in. It hasn't happened with every friend I have, so I know it's not a problem like that, I guess it's just how i fall for people. Well this one hit hard. I have never felt SO connected to someone like with her. She's a coworker. When this all started a few years ago, as our friendship began to develop more than just coworkers, I learned that she had a boyfriend, who happened to be a real jerk. She also confided in me that she had "been" with some women in her past too, that she is attracted to women, but she just prefers having emotional connections and relationships with men. I am the type to read too much into things, so of course for a long time I looked for hidden meanings. But all I did was make myself crazy. Anyway, I stood by her through months of cries, long talks, and break ups as he treated her like ****. As all this was happening, my feelings were growing more for her. But, I'm not the type to make a move, I just kept it in my head that "if something were to happen", I'd go from there.

Time passed, she finally dumped him, dated a rebound guy, dumped him, and found a nice guy. She dated him for a while, but she wasn't happy because he wasn't on the same page as her. So she broke it off with him and they remained friends. During this time, I knew MY feelings for her were real. And our friendship had grown into real friends who hang outside of work, not just coworkers. And there was some flirting going back and forth, but I could never be sure if it was just joking around stuff. I know it wasn't on my part, but I was too chicken to be bold enough to say that to her. The irony is that she KNEW that about me, as we've had long talks about that sort of thing.

Anyway, we hung out a few times, and it was awkward and awesome all at once, but nothing happened. I felt all the fireworks and butterflies, but I wasn't going to go over the line. Well, I guess I missed my chance because she eventually made amends with the ex BF who was a nice guy. He got his act together, realized he wanted to make a life with her, and they are both saving for a house, and kid now.

The thing is, I guess I'll never know what could have been with her. My heart and emotions tell me the vibes I got from here were real. And I KNOW mine were. But I decided I wasn't going to go down that road if she's not willing to have a relationship with a woman. It took me a LONG long time to become comfortable with myself being gay, so I know that you can't make someone feel that way. She could just be bi, or as she says, more emotionally attached to men. Or she could be scared. Either way, it's not my deal, it's hers. And I would absolutely be there in every way if she decided to face up to it, but I don't see that happening.

So I know that this guy she's with is a good guy. He's not a jerk, he loves her, they are planning a good life. I just hate the fact that I feel like I missed my chance. But, I was never sure I had a chance. I have chaulked it up to timing being off. Maybe it's meant to be in another life time, or something.

I just have a hard time still thinking what if. And when I hang out with both of them, I do feel jealous or envious of him. How do I get past that?