“Clingy and needy?”: Perspective wanted

[PaperPrincess]

Thank you everyone for your perspectives--your comments are very eye-opening for me.

"If you are anything like I was, you thought there was something lacking in your life or there was something wrong with you because you are single."

For a long time, I did think this^. I don't so much anymore. When I think of going out with most of the guys I've been communicating with on this site so far, I find that I'd prefer to hang out with friends or work on one of my hobbies instead. Canceling the subscription to the site might be a better choice, at this point, as I'd prefer to just meet someone in the process of just going about my life.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by PaperPrincess

at this point, as I'd prefer to just meet someone in the process of just going about my life.

Good attitude....

Years ago I tried an online dating site for a short period of time... Something about the whole process/experience just felt so superficial...

[Light Seeker]

Ordinarily and in my briefest of experience, Neediness and err clingyness always stems from personal security issues stemming from their personal experiences and to a certain degree , compensations and considerations have to be factored into the nurturing of such relationships...just sayin...

Originally Posted by PaperPrincess

Canceling the subscription to the site might be a better choice, at this point, as I'd prefer to just meet someone in the process of just going about my life.

Absolutely. There are no artificial assumptions created like that.

Originally Posted by Light Seeker

Ordinarily and in my briefest of experience, Neediness and err clingyness always stems from personal security issues stemming from their personal experiences and to a certain degree , compensations and considerations have to be factored into the nurturing of such relationships...just sayin...

It's the way with guys. When kids reach puberty, girls continue their relationship with their mum. Guys don't. They have to move away from the mum who made-up their lunches, tended their cuts and bruises, kissed them goodnight and read stories and the like, to become manly. They're cut adrift and too often their fathers have long buried their emotions and are unable to give them any anchorage. Is it any wonder some of them feel insecure, especially those who need to turn to dating sites?

[starling]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Joe is just being interested in you at this stage. Far too early to be clingy and sending texts isn't much of a "cling-factor".

If you find this level of cling too overwhelming it's maybe better you ditch him now to avoid any ambiguity. After all, it's only one date plus a few txts.

Because he wants to see you on a particular day also isn't a sign of clingy. It's still traditional for men to ask the females out. He has to take the initiative. You can't make it on that day. That's where it's at.

But from your concluding remarks you're better off backing out now while the going's good.

I disagree continuing to text whilst the poster has made it clear she is working and busy is to me at least a warning sign.

[starling]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Good attitude....

Years ago I tried an online dating site for a short period of time... Something about the whole process/experience just felt so superficial...

I did, too.

It just felt wrong so I didn't continue with it.

Originally Posted by David F

I disagree continuing to text whilst the poster has made it clear she is working and busy is to me at least a warning sign.

I don't know if you sussed it, but the idea of txting is that you can send messages to be received when the recipient is ready. That's how they differ from phone calls.

If someone wants to respond instantly to a txt that's up to them but that isn't what txts themselves are about. People often txt me when they know I'm busy. They txt me because they don't want to disturb me with a phone call. I don't call them clingy!!!

D'you get it now?

[starling]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

I don't know if you sussed it, but the idea of txting is that you can send messages to be received when the recipient is ready. That's how they differ from phone calls.

If someone wants to respond instantly to a txt that's up to them but that isn't what txts themselves are about. People often txt me when they know I'm busy. They txt me because they don't want to disturb me with a phone call. I don't call them clingy!!!

D'you get it now?

Thank you for your opinion.

Just astonishing how people behind a key- board think they can address someone on the other end of cyber space how they like; one wonders if they would speak like that to someone they were talking to in the street.

Perhaps they would, who knows.

My post was actually with reference the OP'r and with reference to her note, not your own good self.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

It's the way with guys. When kids reach puberty, girls continue their relationship with their mum. Guys don't. They have to move away from the mum who made-up their lunches, tended their cuts and bruises, kissed them goodnight and read stories and the like, to become manly. They're cut adrift and too often their fathers have long buried their emotions and are unable to give them any anchorage. Is it any wonder some of them feel insecure, especially those who need to turn to dating sites?

That's sad, thinking like that. I've never felt a guy who has a good relationship with his Mom was immature or anything like that. In fact I think well of a guy like that. How a guy treats his Mom, that's a good indicator of how he will treat me. I'm not talking about someone who is abnormally attached to his Mom. I definitely think all kids need to cut the apron strings eventually to some degree, including girls. It's part of growing up, but I think having a good ongoing relationship with both the people who brought you into this world is important. Barring abuse or something like that I believe in keeping up those ties.

My childhood was awful. I had every reason not to want to keep in touch with my parents. My Mom and Dad I loved them as a kid, but I hated them too, particularly my Mom who really abused me sometimes. My Mom and I were talking when she died but her addiction and refusal to do anything about it, that pretty much destroyed our relationship. It took me years to build one with my Dad too. Even now we have our bad moments....

I'm not going to have kids, but if I did? I would never let my sons grow up that much that I am not still their Mom, the one person they can come to, no matter what. A kid, no matter how old, needs to know that Mom is still Mom. My Mom she was hideous as a Mom to me a lot of the time, but she was still my Mom, and when she died it was heartbreaking for me. You only one set of parents, and when they are gone, they are gone.

You have to live with that after. There is such a thing as a healthy distance, but not being close to your folks, when they're gone that can be very hard to live with. I have a lot of regrets over my Mom and me. There was no alternative path with her. No way I could have made it better, but sometimes I still look back and I mourn not being closer. Her life was such a waste in part.

I truly value close relationships when I see them. Never having had that really, I encourage anyone who can have a good relationship with their parents to do so. Don't listen to what society says. In the end you have to look at your own face in the mirror and live with yourself. I feel better knowing I am at least making an effort with my Dad. I can live with this when he's gone. My Mom on the other hand, that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I think we should all encourage our sons and daughters to love and respect both parents for however long they can.

Our relationships with our parents they really define us in a way so not having one, I think it's very unhealthy. Sometimes you just can't, it's toxic maybe, but if you can? I say go for it and who cares if you're mocked for it. We all care way too much sometimes about what other people think of us. As life goes on you learn not to, but by then the parents are so old it may not even matter. By then it's just too late...