Social Clubs

I have been a practising Buddhist for many years, but having been single for twenty years, still hanker after a partner. Several people in my Buddhist community have been lucky to find partners in the community, whereas I have not, no doubt due to bad karma which I keep trying to purify according to my Teacher's instructions. My attempts to find someone outside the community have met with no more success.

A well-meaning non-Buddhist friend keeps advising me to join a (worldly) social club, since he has found partners in one himself. I hesitate to do so, as I will still wish to attend my Buddhist community and do Buddhist practise. I fear that any non-spiritual partner will resent my keeping these activities, in which she will want no part herself, and that she will become a mara for me - someone all out to interfere in my spiritual practice. I have seen this happen so many times within my Buddhist community, with fellow-Buddhists in tears over the stress that this is causing them, and a previous relationship I had with a woman also ended for this reason.

Not surprisingly, the only advice I get from Buddhist monks and nuns is to 'abjure the lusts of the flesh', but not everyone can be expected to be happily single and celibate for ever.

Any advice - observations? Thanks.

[sunsoul]

I remember a good friend going on a retreat once. He was having a convo similar to what you are posting about relationships in a Buddhist context. He has been married for 40+ years to a woman with no interest in spirituality (or what we normally see it to be).

The guy he was talking to had a Buddhist partner. This guy actually said in many ways it can be a tougher path because of inevitable comparisons, intensity and differences in approach, blah blah blah.

In the end, I think it is how you feel about your partner rather than what she chooses to believe or not believe that is most important..

Good luck!

Myself and other Buddhist friends are married to non Buddhist, many like my self have been married over 30 years. Many of my friends who are not spiritual and some who are spiritual are having problems finding a mate, not Buddhist related at all. They are having problems with intimacy. Perhaps a therapist may be of more help to uncover your issues. I have great respect for monks, but they do not have experience in these matters, they shut down their sexual/lust desires. Perhaps deep down you would like to be a monk, this might be something to explore. Hoping you can find peace and love.