Solitude

[keokutah]

I posted a thread before about how I lose people on a regular basis and how it seems that life wants me to remain alone.

Today I just lost my only friend, so now I have no one left. Literally no one.

I am trying to make the best out of a bad situation and try to understand what I am supposed to do now. It made me really sad but surprisingly I also feel positive for some reason.

It feels like I have fought this force that wants me to remain alone, for years, but it always wins. Maybe I should just stop fighting it and see what it wants from me.

I'm contemplating just going with it and becoming a hermit. I've spent my entire life alone, always having to rely on myself but I was always trying my hardest to make friendships and try to force my family to care about me, so maybe I should just stop and see where solitude wants to take me.

I'm even considering taking a vow of silence for the rest of my life. I took true vow of silence and abstained from absolutely everything for a week a few months ago and it was quite enjoyable, but even just for a short time, it was quite a shock going back into civilization afterwards, I can't imagine how hard it would be to adapt to civilization after doing it for such a long time.

I can talk to my spirit guides so maybe I don't actually need people.

Maybe this is what God wants me to do, maybe this is the reason why I am always left alone. Perhaps I am meant to be alone, and maybe being alone isn't really such a bad thing?

What do you think i should do?

[WhiteWarrior]

The question is, are you happier while being with others than you are while being alone or is it the other way?

[keokutah]

Originally Posted by WhiteWarrior

The question is, are you happier while being with others than you are while being alone or is it the other way?

I'm happier being with others, but only if they truly care about me, I'm very sentimental. So I'd love to have just a couple true friends, rather than be surrounded by tons of people who don't really know me.

The thing I want most in life is to be loved and to love. I wish I had a family. I wish I had a close friend, and I wish I could experience true love with a romantic partner.
When I was little I felt like I had a family for awhile, but it didn't last for long.
Because of personal issues I've never even experienced romantic love in this life yet and I'm almost 30.

But, I was also very happy when I took that vow of silence too. I did not feel alone at all because I spent the time in prayer. I have lots of family and loved ones in spirit and hundreds of spirit guides, maybe I have that much support because I have been so alone in this life, I don't know.

[LifeWhispers]

Originally Posted by keokutah

It feels like I have fought this force that wants me to remain alone, for years, but it always wins. Maybe I should just stop fighting it and see what it wants from me.

This sounds like an excellent idea. Stop fighting it. Keep your mind open to what is being shown to you. Try standing still for a while, let life do its own thing, trust it and see where it takes you.

People are put into our lives for a reason. Sometimes they stay with us for quite a while, sometimes for a very short time. When they leave, we need to understand it is their time to go. Hanging on to them doesn't stop the flow of life. Fighting it, only makes it harder on you. We can try to fight it, and put up a good fight. But we can never stop it.

Everything we receive in life is exactly what is needed. Where we find ourselves standing, is exactly where we need to be. Be accepting of our circumstances, and trust there is a deeper meaning to it all.

[wolfgaze]

Solitude affords us the ideal conditions for engaging in the important 'inner work' that is introspection and deep contemplation - and this is life-changing (alters your state of being)... Try not to look at your current circumstances with any sense of permanence - but rather a period of your life to embrace and feel acceptance for, while doing your best to stay grounded in the present moment. Life is ever-changing and you never know just what the Universe will send your way... Best to remain fluid and ready to flow in whichever direction your path takes you.

[The Elven Knight]

The art of living with yourself is a difficult, but achievable. It comes down to being your own best friend. Being social or having some sort of familiarity with a group, or structured healthy social outlet is a good thing inbetween times of solitude. I feel your stuggle because i have been there. Best wishes

[starling]

Originally Posted by keokutah

I posted a thread before about how I lose people on a regular basis and how it seems that life wants me to remain alone.

Today I just lost my only friend, so now I have no one left. Literally no one.

I am trying to make the best out of a bad situation and try to understand what I am supposed to do now. It made me really sad but surprisingly I also feel positive for some reason.

It feels like I have fought this force that wants me to remain alone, for years, but it always wins. Maybe I should just stop fighting it and see what it wants from me.

I'm contemplating just going with it and becoming a hermit. I've spent my entire life alone, always having to rely on myself but I was always trying my hardest to make friendships and try to force my family to care about me, so maybe I should just stop and see where solitude wants to take me.

I'm even considering taking a vow of silence for the rest of my life. I took true vow of silence and abstained from absolutely everything for a week a few months ago and it was quite enjoyable, but even just for a short time, it was quite a shock going back into civilization afterwards, I can't imagine how hard it would be to adapt to civilization after doing it for such a long time.

I can talk to my spirit guides so maybe I don't actually need people.

Maybe this is what God wants me to do, maybe this is the reason why I am always left alone. Perhaps I am meant to be alone, and maybe being alone isn't really such a bad thing?

What do you think i should do?

A mix or balance of all things is generally good.

Some people need people round them all the time. I'm very lucky, I don't.

Sorry to hear bout your friend.

[keokutah]

Thanks guys. I think I will go with it then. I guess being alone can help me with some introspection and I'll be able to focus more on prayer and my spirituality, which I've been not focusing on much lately.

I'm going to take a vow of solitude. It will be just me and my cat. My plan is to stop forcing people to care about me when they really don't, and I am not going to seek people and I'm not going to seek love from others anymore, instead I am going to find self reliance and self acceptance. I think being alone may be empowering.
Being alone does not have to be lonely, instead I will seek companionship with my higher power and my spirit guides. I'm going to dedicate myself to living wholeheartedly connected to my spiritual path in the next while, really relying on God instead of people.

I'll be forced to spend a lot more time alone, in prayer. I'm still going to play my sports and go to the public pool every week, still going to grocery shop and if people want to talk to me, I will speak. If someone really does want to have a relationship with me then I will but in the meantime I'm going to stop going against the current, I'm going to stop forcing relationships when it seems like it's just not meant for me right now.

I think it seems like a good plan, the only thing bothering me about it right now is my relationship with my mom did not end on good terms. I mean, we haven't had a relationship for years but I have been trying to force her to care about me for so long, but after losing my friend I just realized I don't want to continue to force her to be there for me anymore, i dont want to force anyone anymore, it's so exhausting, I want to give up and just go with it. But unfortunately I got mad at her today when I tried telling her that, I didn't handle it so well since I felt a lot of resentment and hurt.
I think I should probably just phone her up and tell her all is forgiven, then she can continue to live her life like usual and I can try to move on. I think she'll probably want to remain aquaintences and that is okay with me, I'm going to stop expecting anything more from her. Maybe one day things will change but for now I think it's best if I am on my own.

[serenebluehills]

Hello keokutah, I like that you have decided not to go against the current and to just let things be for now the way they are. Perhaps it is what your soul needs at the moment even though it might not make sense and even though it may not be enjoyable at all. It may even be a painful experience for you but I believe it is all for the higher/highest good.

Your vow of solitude reminds me of me... I have a similar thing. And yes, I agree with you, being alone doesn't need to be lonely. It may be from time to time but it need not be a lonely thing all throughout. I'm glad to know you have a pet cat. Pets can give us immense joy. Sometimes, more than fellow humans can make us feel.

I hope you and your mom patch things up and get back to having a loving mother and child relationship again. And I wish you all the best in your journey.

love and light,
serene

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by serenebluehills

I'm glad to know you have a pet cat. Pets can give us immense joy. Sometimes, more than fellow humans can make us feel.

The same thoughts ran through my head when he (OP) mentioned that he had a cat... Thanks for stating it the way you did...