i wasnt meant to be here. wanna disapear.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by sensarai09

Im 27

I dont know that im capable of finding my way.

Finding a way can be really hard.

The only thing i have is creativity.

That's an awesome talent to have.

Survival f the fittest right?

I'm not sure, because people have community and look after each other. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all need a helping hand at times.

I love my son so much. But im sick.how am i going to support him.i wish i wasnt crazy. Tjats the one barrier that keeps.me from functioning as an adult.

Well, you have your son's best interests at heart, and I don't know what sort of mental condition you are experiencing, but it sounds like it's having a lot of impact on your life.

I gotta go home. I wasnt meant to be here. I.cabt doit.

But i have a baby.

its not fair. I just ant to disapear. all im good foor.

I cant im so lost

If you want to, it might be an idea to seek some support from family and friends who can be on your side while you find a way.

Originally Posted by sensarai09

Im 27

I dont know that im capable of finding my way. The only thing i have is creativity. Survival f the fittest right? I love my son so much. But im sick.how am i going to support him.i wish i wasnt crazy. Tjats the one barrier that keeps.me from functioning as an adult.

I gotta go home. I wasnt meant to be here. I.cabt doit.

But i have a baby.

its not fair. I just ant to disapear. all im good foor.

I cant im so lost

Suffering is one way, we begin to see that what we call 'our lives' has only finite possibilities.

You can't control reality and you can't control outcome, though we try (don't we).

You are attempting to negate the sadness that you harbor without getting to the root causes.
That is why there are family support centers and the like (and churches with services dedicated to helping people out of such circumstances...if they exist in your area).

Talking with someone like an elder, for example, therapist, etc. is where to begin to unwind your life to the point, you can begin to regain control (by figuring out where your turned off your path).

It is up to each person to realize their own path/journey in this life.
Not expecting to work that hard, as such self introspection, just means you've taken the easy route, and now it isn't working for you any longer.

Now the tough road begins.
But you can do it, if you look for support/help.
Alone....might be too much, to handle (such sadness/regret etc.).

I don't know about having a baby, and the rest you mentioned. But I do know we get challenges in our lives and if we expect to live through such circumstances, we must find ways to safely deal with challenges. So look for ways to help yourself (and spend less time trying to defend, what has occurred).

[Theophila]

I know it may not seem it now but as your little boy starts to grow up you will realise how important you are...
I have felt what you feel many times. After having a baby, and my world falling apart after at the same time I was lost in hopelessness many times. I even get sometimes an emotion of unworthiness , I look at her And wonder," im not worthy to be her mother" . But as she grows and we bond , it feels like I don't have a child but gave birth to my sister, my best friend.
Looking back I am surprised that what has kept me going and strong is this little angel.
I don't know your circumstances, but believe me , things do change and they do get better. Stress and worry is part of having a child. I remeber I worried from when she was a baby to a toddler. It's the mother instinct to protect the baby, it is bit stressful. It's a stage. After she started walking and talking and now she is a lovely seven year old the worries shifted but it's not the same as when she was a baby.
Motherhood Is hard, and it came when I least expected it and a surprise. Brought my whole personal world upside down. But she also gave purpose and meaning....
I see now that it was a blessing, and it woundnt have been given to you if you weren't worthy.
He will give you strength, be your strength and while he is growing there will always be a new wonder to witness that will take your breathe away...
I also had a period of ppd and I went to get help. There is no shame in it. It happens more often than you think.
sending great big hugs and know that it can and will get better.
You are young and there are so many opportunities in life to come yet....have faith!

[knightofalbion]

As others have said, it could well be that you're suffering from post-natal depression. It's very common for new mothers to experience this.
Tell your doctor, yes, and maybe a self-help group would be of benefit to you.

On the contrary, you are meant to be here - and for a purpose. That may not be clear to you yet at this present time, but you will come to it.

We are all here to add beauty and goodness to the world, and that essence of our being which is unique to us.

You may be in a difficult place right now but you will get through it. Stay strong.

[knightofalbion]

PS:

I have a feeling this video may be right for you and what your spirit needs ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4jjLLE6i8E

[Native spirit]

You are meant to be here ,as you have a baby you could be suffering post Natal depression this is a normal responce for anyone so dont be so hard on yourself, you need to see your doctor and tell them how you are feeling,help is available to you.you just have to ask for it.
post natal depression can be very debilitating dont be so hard on yourself, you have done the first step by telling us on here,your babt needs you and you need him.please just go and see your doctor.and get the appropriate treatment for yourself.

Namaste

I felt exactly the same way after my son was born. When I was going through it, nobody would help me. But even though I didn't get any counseling or take any medication, because my idiot doctor would not give me any, I did make it through it and I feel great now and I want to tell you that YOU WILL ALSO FEEL BETTER. This too shall pass. I know it feels like there is no earthly way out but it is likely just HORMONES making your negative feelings feel 10 times worse. Mine lasted like 3 years, because I got no help. You do not need to suffer that long - seek help! It would have been SO much easier if somebody had given me some medication for what was probably POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION or POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS, and if I had got some counselling. So I would like to encourage you to SEEK HELP. It does not have to be this hard. And you will FEEL BETTER, I promise. From somebody who was in the same boat, I can tell you, things do get back to normal. My sister in law had the same thing happen, then they gave her some medication, and she was fine after a month. HUGS. You are definitely here for many wonderful reasons. Just have hope and you will get through this. I just edited this because I had originally not written how I got out of my situation, because I thought it might offend someone. But I feel I need to tell you what I did - I just prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and I was guided to read the "right" books and eventually, the darkness was lifted, just like a miracle. Do that if you like but also go see a DR! :)

im bi polar.

i got on medications after i had my son.... this feeling comes and goes. idk maybe when mary jane is legal in a few mos that will help instead of the medications...i recently had a distonic reaction with my eyes from a med...my eyes rolled up and stayed there for nine hours. happened while i was driving with my son in the car...cant believe that happened.. then i tried another med that made me behave violently..which isn't my nature.. if im feeling well im normally happy go lucky...so that was scary.. i think with mary jane since it will be from a dispensary i will be able to get low thc (that gets you high) amounts and high cbd which serves as a all natural mind recalibration reset... idk nvm sorry for worrying anyone. i have no support system where i live.. my friends are down south.

Originally Posted by sensarai09

im bi polar.

i got on medications after i had my son.... this feeling comes and goes. idk maybe when mary jane is legal in a few mos that will help instead of the medications...i recently had a distonic reaction with my eyes from a med...my eyes rolled up and stayed there for nine hours. happened while i was driving with my son in the car...cant believe that happened.. then i tried another med that made me behave violently..which isn't my nature.. if im feeling well im normally happy go lucky...so that was scary.. i think with mary jane since it will be from a dispensary i will be able to get low thc (that gets you high) amounts and high cbd which serves as a all natural mind recalibration reset... idk nvm sorry for worrying anyone. i have no support system where i live.. my friends are down south.

I have been on meds for bi-polar on and off for 20 yrs. I do not deal with the depression side however....just being 'manic'. Long story short, Lamictal is the only thing Ive ever been able to do....it doesnt mess with your head. I know how bad those meds can be. I would much prefer the MJ as well. Keep trying to find something that works...I know depression can be a *****.

Know that you are where youre supposed to be....everything is perfect...it can be no other way...sound completely insane, but its true. I cant explain it. You just know.

[desert rat]

I see Mary Jane as more a temp. fix not a cure all . I see your problems from repressed memories from past lives . You might try guided self hypnosis to get to the repressed memories . If this Laura , send me a p.m. through this forum on a email . Love James .