TF hot and cold---does it ever stop? Is it even worth it?

[TXGemini]

As many of you have read in my overload emotions posting update I saw my TF today in a meeting. I said hi but he was lukewarm compared to his very warm response a couple of weeks ago.

We keep going through this over and over again. Hot, cold, lukewarm, cold, hot, lukewarm dance.

I'm just plain tired. I'm pretty much the same every time he sees me. But it's like 3rd grade with him. I never know what expression I need to prepare for and when he left the meeting, he didn't even have the courtesy to say bye and he was two steps in front of me.

I'm ready to throw in the towel--I keep riding this crazy emotional rollercoaster--I'm seriously getting motion sickness. Every time I think it's getting better, it just gets worse.

I'm tired of doing all the heavy lifting and all the emotional clearing work. I hate to say it but I'm really beginning to think it's not even worth it. I know everyone's going to say it's the ego talking, but right now it's the frustrated woman talking that's decided she's going to take a mental and emotional vacation.

Wouldn't I do better to be connected to a soulmate that I'm 70% compatible with and glide through life? I feel like a 90 lb nerd trying to dead lift 500 lb. What's so sad about it, no guys approach me, so I'm still just lost at sea.

Is there a way that I can turn myself off and disconnect from him emotionally and spiritually for a while--no dream visits---just go off the radar? If he doesn't want to talk to me in person, I don't want to talk to him in 5D...

[Mused]

If you don't want games, stop playing...working with him makes things harder. Maybe you should consider changing jobs if that would help your emotional health. Make a decision to truly commit to healing and not allowing him into your energy space and things will eventually shift.

[taurusnsane]

one thing I will add: it is worth it as you will grow so-so much because of all this pain.

gone through this and it was the lowest of the low, yet here i am and it taught me so much

be strong.

[taurusnsane]

Originally Posted by TXGemini

Is there a way that I can turn myself off and disconnect from him emotionally and spiritually for a while--no dream visits---just go off the radar? If he doesn't want to talk to me in person, I don't want to talk to him in 5D...

no, sorry, you cannot. DO NOT RESIST, or try to run, it gets worses.

i tried it, haha just some few days ago I wanted "peace" as he occupies my mind a lot and I also feel him more than ever, so I tried to push him out of my mind. wow, the wrong choice girl, wrong choice. i had such strong dreams, such strong missing the day after. it was so-so intense it was surreal. so keep it balanced, then it wont hit you hard like this.

what I can suggest is: if he doesnt respond- then let it be. try to think about something else (not cut him off, just distract yourself), also just relax. the main thing what I went through - "omg he isnt responding, omg he has someone else, omg he doesnt love me anymore, omg its over" - naahh, its not like that and I tried to think that OK, he isnt responding, OK, will wait and live my life. I will not lose him, as we are connected forever.

the thing is, allowing and making it happen is actually your fault. so try to see what ideas and imagination does in your head when he does not respond, and then see how you can resolve the ideas.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by TXGemini

I'm ready to throw in the towel

Yes! 45 and ready for the second half now.

But don't see it as throwing in the towel. Rather, you're ordering new linen for yourself; luxurious cotton to replace the worn-out washrags you've been using to clean up the crumbs of love he's offered you (L. Cohen). Seriously, go dance and sing and celebrate. You're already free in your mind, now go get free in your life as well. Focus on yourself. Take a long bath and enjoy your new towels.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by Mused

If you don't want games, stop playing...working with him makes things harder. Maybe you should consider changing jobs if that would help your emotional health. Make a decision to truly commit to healing and not allowing him into your energy space and things will eventually shift.

That is not an option. I have too much vested in my job, been here too long. He came on the scene way after I did. I'm at another location, but as senior personnel we do have to work together--I was keeping my distance from him, but he got promoted, which caused us to have to work together.

I am willing to turn off the energetic connection if anyone can tell me how. I can't avoid him.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

no, sorry, you cannot. DO NOT RESIST, or try to run, it gets worses.

what I can suggest is: if he doesnt respond- then let it be. try to think about something else (not cut him off, just distract yourself), also just relax. the main thing what I went through - "omg he isnt responding, omg he has someone else, omg he doesnt love me anymore, omg its over" - naahh, its not like that and I tried to think that OK, he isnt responding, OK, will wait and live my life. I will not lose him, as we are connected forever.

the thing is, allowing and making it happen is actually your fault. so try to see what ideas and imagination does in your head when he does not respond, and then see how you can resolve the ideas.

OK taurusnsane thank you for the advice. When I got up this morning, I was thinking and I may be wrong, but I feel like some of the reason he does this to me is cause I'm a social butterfly. When I come into a room, everyone knows me and I know everyone. I say hello to everyone. I can't help myself. That's just who I am. He's the total opposite. He'll say hello to one or two people next to him and that's it.

Secondly, last month I just came back from a business trip. In a couple of weeks I have another business trip. He wasn't happy about when I told him. Why? I have no idea. He's just weird. When he goes, I always tell him to have a safe trip. I didn't get the same courtesy, instead I got grilled of where, when, why, how long, etc.

So, I'm just going to withdraw, retreat, and rejuvenate myself for a while. I've got a busy month ahead of me. I don't have time to deal with his weirdness.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by Baile

Yes! 45 and ready for the second half now.

But don't see it as throwing in the towel. Rather, you're ordering new linen for yourself; luxurious cotton to replace the worn-out washrags you've been using to clean up the crumbs of love he's offered you (L. Cohen). Seriously, go dance and sing and celebrate. You're already free in your mind, now go get free in your life as well. Focus on yourself. Take a long bath and enjoy your new towels.

I likey--I can work with that! My conference this month will be at a resort.

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

no, sorry, you cannot. DO NOT RESIST, or try to run, it gets worses.

i tried it, haha just some few days ago I wanted "peace" as he occupies my mind a lot and I also feel him more than ever, so I tried to push him out of my mind. wow, the wrong choice girl, wrong choice. i had such strong dreams, such strong missing the day after. it was so-so intense it was surreal. so keep it balanced, then it wont hit you hard like this.

Yes this is me too. No this does not ever stop. We have just had our reunion after 20 years apart. The feelings are more intense than ever which I was not prepared for. I was hoping after all this time that we were done with this "dance" but no it's still happening.

What I am realizing through this is that I need to work on trusting him, and trusting in what he says, something I have had problems with in the past. I also am working on having patience, another thing I am no good at. Learning to have patience was my New Years resolution -- I just never expected him to come back into my life in January to help me learn. These are lessons I need to see in my self and work on.

I too would like him to leave my mind for a little while and have some peace but it won't happen. He's with me forever and I need to learn to live my life with him in it. Our phones sync so I am able to see if he is online, call him, or see where he is (he travels for work a lot). When I get the intense missing him it helps things settle when I can know he is ok.

[TXGemini]

ssdm1 -

More likely than not my ego is writing what I'm about to say but, in my opinion I feel like my TF (if he's figured it out by now) is probably very unhappy at being attached to me the reason he has the moody rollercoaster ride. I'm his complete and total opposite in every single way.

He's quiet, soft spoken, and reserved / I'm a loud, boisterous social butterfly
He's introverted / I'm extroverted
He's physically fit / I'm a plump, fluffy, BBW (big, beautiful woman)
He's tall / I'm height deficient
He's patient / I'm impatient
He can hold a grudge / Once I've had my say, I'm over it

Honestly if there was a way I could "unchain" TF from me to save him the "horror and humiliation" I definitely would, but it sounds like I can't. Unfortunately, there are no hunky soulmates risking their lives at this moment trying to run across interstate traffic to get to me.

Believe me, if there were, I'd jump at the chance to make a love connection with one to get him off my mind and save just a tiny little speck in my heart for TF.