I'm so depressed - Page 5

Anne · #41 11-01-2018, 02:56 PM

FR - I've been following this thread and note your honesty has touched a lot of nerves with more than a few posters, old and new. Go you! It's a good thing when we all get to thinking, although berating people for their opinions is never a good thing.

Ruminating on "what ifs"-TF or not, is part of human nature, in my opinion.
We all carry space in our hearts for our 'first love' or 'the one that got away'. It can appear very depressing to consider we may leave this lifetime with some of our questions unanswered., and loneliness looms on the horizon..
Therefore, to combat this, I consider acceptance may be the key, as well as dropping labels in an effort to move forward.

If something is missing in your current relationship, I would suggest cutting yourself a break from this mind grappling dilemma and devote some time to nurturing your own needs.

Wishing you the best possible outcome.

Emm · #42 12-01-2018, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Thanks, everyone, for your insight and advice. I truly do love my boyfriend, I’m just not sure if it’s that different from what I feel toward a friend. My barometer is all skewed after TF and I don’t know what’s a “real” feeling anymore. All I know is when something is missing. I want so much to be in love with him and to lose myself in that love...to have it sail me away from the pain that is being a Twin Flame. I want to look at my boyfriend with admiration and awe. I want to imagine nothing more than building a life with him. I want to desire everything. But I’ve been trying for a year—not because I picked him out of a grab bag—but because he is special and smart and we have a connection that I hoped would grow. I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I still hope I can lose myself in this relationship and have it be the truest bliss I’ve known. That would make things simpler. I can keep trying to have this be my life narrative but I don’t know how much longer I can keep at it if that narrative just won’t stick.

You can't lose yourself in another any longer, not because you love your tf more than anyone else but because in the experience you became whole...there's nothing you need to find in others to complete you now. You can only find compliments. I'm betting that if you were to reunite with tf now, the energy will be different...there's always the connection but that all consuming need to be with him may no longer be there.

I've found that my emotions are steadier now, there is not the extremes between the highs and the lows any longer which also maybe why you're not feeling the strength of passion in your relationship. It doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed, just that you won't lose yourself in the relationship. It seems it was this that we called love when all it may have been was the mechanism for attraction. Ask anyone who has been married for many years, the passion goes, and love and friendship takes its place.

ForeverRestless · #43 12-01-2018, 02:24 PM

Very wise, Emm. And a great point quite relevant to this stage in my journey. Just this morning I was lying awake in bed with my boyfriend, it still dark outside, and I heard him snoring. And it was annoying. And I remember thinking to myself--imagining, really--what if this was TF sleeping here beside me? And he was snoring. I bet if I'd been in a relationship with him for a year, I'd be just as annoyed.

On Youtube, even Twin Flames Lee and Sherry talk about this. How she hates the sound of Lee's chewing or the smell of his breath. There is no finding perfection. Attraction and passion like the kind we all crave is fleeting, and I'll admit that primal kind of attraction was stronger toward my boyfriend in the beginning.

Does any of this change my belief about Twin Flames? No. Let's first say that time is a flat circle and not linear. I know this concept at its most basic because I watched an entire day's worth of time collapse when I was with my Twin Flame... to the point where he forgot to call his parents. I have never wanted commitment. I have never understood love. Not now, not ever. I've been averse to all of it my whole life. Numb to it--unless you count infatuation, people-pleasing and validation-seeking from the opposite sex. My Twin Flame remains the only person who's ever opened the door for me to understand what love is, to truly feel it, and to want it. To see a future with someone and not feel scared about being "trapped." To see spending every day of the rest of my life with them as a precious gift rather than a prison. At least that's how I felt. I've never been sure about any relationship in my life. Not even close. I'm the queen of doubts, reticence, hesitance, waffling, wavering, wishy-washy-ing. "I don't know. I'm not sure. Maybe this isn't right." Beginning, middle and end. Not an iota of that feeling for my Twin. Not now, not then, not during all the times we've talked in the three years since. He is my one. He is my touchstone to love and the feeling of actually being alive in life. Or maybe he just opened the door to it so I can give that feeling to myself. I don't know. But I can't stop loving him. I can't stop craving just to talk to him, to laugh. To give him a hug, to be near him. To stay connected. I vacillate between anger and joy, I dismiss him out of ego, but the love does not ebb and flow. In the end, this is all I really know--of anything. When I think of him, my love for him is as certain as I know the back of my hand. Unlike what I feel toward my boyfriend, there is no denying it, there is no doubting it, there is no undoing it. As my Twin said to me recently, "There is no end."

ssdm1 · #44 12-01-2018, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Very wise, Emm. And a great point quite relevant to this stage in my journey. Just this morning I was lying awake in bed with my boyfriend, it still dark outside, and I heard him snoring. And it was annoying. And I remember thinking to myself--imagining, really--what if this was TF sleeping here beside me? And he was snoring. I bet if I'd been in a relationship with him for a year, I'd be just as annoyed.

On Youtube, even Twin Flames Lee and Sherry talk about this. How she hates the sound of Lee's chewing or the smell of his breath. There is no finding perfection. Attraction and passion like the kind we all crave is fleeting, and I'll admit that primal kind of attraction was stronger toward my boyfriend in the beginning.

Does any of this change my belief about Twin Flames? No. Let's first say that time is a flat circle and not linear. I know this concept at its most basic because I watched an entire day's worth of time collapse when I was with my Twin Flame... to the point where he forgot to call his parents. I have never wanted commitment. I have never understood love. Not now, not ever. I've been averse to all of it my whole life. Numb to it--unless you count infatuation, people-pleasing and validation-seeking from the opposite sex. My Twin Flame remains the only person who's ever opened the door for me to understand what love is, to truly feel it, and to want it. To see a future with someone and not feel scared about being "trapped." To see spending every day of the rest of my life with them as a precious gift rather than a prison. At least that's how I felt. I've never been sure about any relationship in my life. Not even close. I'm the queen of doubts, reticence, hesitance, waffling, wavering, wishy-washy-ing. "I don't know. I'm not sure. Maybe this isn't right." Beginning, middle and end. Not an iota of that feeling for my Twin. Not now, not then, not during all the times we've talked in the three years since. He is my one. He is my touchstone to love and the feeling of actually being alive in life. Or maybe he just opened the door to it so I can give that feeling to myself. I don't know. But I can't stop loving him. I can't stop craving just to talk to him, to laugh. To give him a hug, to be near him. To stay connected. I vacillate between anger and joy, I dismiss him out of ego, but the love does not ebb and flow. In the end, this is all I really know--of anything. When I think of him, my love for him is as certain as I know the back of my hand. Unlike what I feel toward my boyfriend, there is no denying it, there is no doubting it, there is no undoing it. As my Twin said to me recently, "There is no end."

Beautifully said ForeverRestless, and very true.

Aldous · #45 28-01-2018, 01:04 AM

Why do people snore when they sleep?

Another great truth about the human race:

Its known that snoring creates hypoxia (low oxygen levels) in the lungs. Hypoxia in the lungs inhibits the growth of the tubercle bacillus (TB). Human TB, aka Mycobacterium tuberculosis is an obligate aerobe, it needs oxygen to grow. Going to the mountains where oxygen pressure is lower helps someone with TB fight off the disease. TB tends to grow in the tops of the lungs at first because they are the most oxygenated. One ironic fact I discovered is that discussion of TB is often suppressed because of its stigma, but snoring is often heard by others which may be an evolutionary result of TB (ie. defense against it).

CosmicPartyGrl · #46 28-01-2018, 02:14 AM

I might be one of the few here who believe some of us have more than one 'twin' flame. Just as there aren't just twins in the world but also triplets and so forth. Even if it seems like your twin flame has moved on, there may be someone else out there who is equally or even more fulfilling. In the meantime maybe you should find out what will make you the happiest that is attainable and make moves toward that. If you aren't fulfilled with your current boyfriend find out why, see if talking to him about some areas he could focus on (if he's receptive and if you'd want that), or decide if you feel you should be with someone who sparks something more within.

I hope you're able to find a solution *hug*

starstar · #47 28-01-2018, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPartyGrl

I might be one of the few here who believe some of us have more than one 'twin' flame. Just as there aren't just twins in the world but also triplets and so forth. Even if it seems like your twin flame has moved on, there may be someone else out there who is equally or even more fulfilling. In the meantime maybe you should find out what will make you the happiest that is attainable and make moves toward that. If you aren't fulfilled with your current boyfriend find out why, see if talking to him about some areas he could focus on (if he's receptive and if you'd want that), or decide if you feel you should be with someone who sparks something more within.

I hope you're able to find a solution *hug*

I think it's not because there are many tfs. The reason is that people like to attach tf label to good old love. They feel true love for the first time, oh, must be tf. Sadly, love can be unrequited. But the hope and the ego always play their part, where you just convince yourself that "tf love is always mutual". I am sorry, but no, if your alleged "tf" is not reciprocating, leaving you or just pops up twice a year, that is not a tf, that is unrequited love, no matter how you slice it.

Inika · #48 28-01-2018, 08:43 PM

people will choose what is suitable for them. if they only love one person they have one tf, if they love more than one then they have multiple tf's. its up to the person to choose and decide what they want. and what they want and choose is their truth.

starstar · #49 28-01-2018, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inika

people will choose what is suitable for them. if they only love one person they have one tf, if they love more than one then they have multiple tf's. its up to the person to choose and decide what they want. and what they want and choose is their truth.

Oh jeez so now everytime you fall in love, even unrequitedly, that is your tf? In that case, i have had like 10. Great.

pinkskymelody · #50 28-01-2018, 11:32 PM

I don't believe our TFs have to love us romantically ..it is spiritual in nature...but sometimes, we want them to... Also, I don't believe we have more than one TF but I'm not here to control anyone else's life. If you believe you have more than one TF.. that's okay if that makes sense to you.

However, I'm a bit old school & look at the story of Adam/Eve as representations of Gemini, the Lovers & true twins...a representation of DM & DF.

At the end of the day, this is still a theory so we can't prove much outside of ourselves so we shouldn't try to change each other's views. Just my 2¢