Wake up call from TF

[HalfGirl]

This morning I had a wake-up call from TF, literally! I had dinner with friends last night and it was kind of late when I went to bed and because of the start of the daylight-savings time, the night was short. So I literally woke up when TF called me.

I had sent him an e-mail a couple of days ago to wish him happy easter. Some of the family members had been seriously ill and needed to go to hospital like 2 months ago. The children had been ill, but all of them have recovered by now. So I had asked him in my e-mail how HE is doing, that I know that the rest of the family is fine.

I did not receive any reply from him, but aren’t we all used to that by now. So this morning he called me from his car when they were driving to his parents. I don’t know whether I was on speaker or not, but I heard a lot of background noise.

So we were just talking for 15 minutes or so, but just general, kind of superficial things. I hate it when he does that. So he is not running, but he is just hiding while talking to me, I don’t know what is worse. I feel like he is playing a game with me, like he could always say, “well, I called you”. He has done this before and I just feel miserable after such a phone call.

I guess I need to take a deep breath and continue to practice my patience.........

Originally Posted by HalfGirl

This morning I had a wake-up call from TF, literally! I had dinner with friends last night and it was kind of late when I went to bed and because of the start of the daylight-savings time, the night was short. So I literally woke up when TF called me.

I had sent him an e-mail a couple of days ago to wish him happy easter. Some of the family members had been seriously ill and needed to go to hospital like 2 months ago. The children had been ill, but all of them have recovered by now. So I had asked him in my e-mail how HE is doing, that I know that the rest of the family is fine.

I did not receive any reply from him, but aren’t we all used to that by now. So this morning he called me from his car when they were driving to his parents. I don’t know whether I was on speaker or not, but I heard a lot of background noise.

So we were just talking for 15 minutes or so, but just general, kind of superficial things. I hate it when he does that. So he is not running, but he is just hiding while talking to me, I don’t know what is worse. I feel like he is playing a game with me, like he could always say, “well, I called you”. He has done this before and I just feel miserable after such a phone call.

I guess I need to take a deep breath and continue to practice my patience.........

Hi HalfGirl, yes 'PATIENCE' is the word. In fact, many a time, my TF has told me that I need to learn to be patient. I used to panic when he did not respond to my communication and would blurt it out when he would reply. After repetition of such occasions like this, he started 'running'.

Anyway, he is back now but is 'hiding' just like yours. You are lucky that atleast he is calling you and talking to you. Mine will text once in a while to wish me about something or share some information but does not get into any personal conversations!! I do not know how long he is going to stick to this mode, but it is killing me!!

Hang in there!!.. The Universe has to get us with TF sometime and it is into doing all the necessary things to make way for the reunion...

[HalfGirl]

Thanks Moonts, yes on the one hand, I am happy that he is talking to me, but this feels like breadcrumbs. And I don’t want breadcrumbs, I want the whole cake (isn’t that right Teal?)! “Talking to TF about God and the world for 24 hours” is on my wish list already for a very long time, so I’d rather not talk to him at all if I can only talk about the weather, that’s not what I want from him.

is on my wish list already for a very long time, so I’d rather not talk to him at all if I can only talk about the weather, that’s not what I want from him.

****Ah, this is a trap that I think all of us fall into!! It has taken me a couple of years now to really, truly understand this one (though I still have my bad days, lolol!)
The biggest part of the problem is when we keep thinking it's about what we want. When it comes to TF relationships (more so than others, I think) is that it often has to be more about what they want, and what they need. At least for me this has been a huge factor: the more I back off, and give my TF what he says he needs - whether it be time alone, time with his best friend, whatever...then he starts to come closer! I think this is because he can see proof that I actually "get it" and I'm proving to him that I will respect his needs, too. Then, suddenly, he starts giving me more of what I need.
Mirrors, remember? What we send out gets reflected back to us....though, yes, I totally agree - it does sometimes take the patience of a saint, and is enough to test our sanity!!! *****

[HalfGirl]

Thanks Sesheta for keeping me on the right track. Today was just frustrating......

[Nymphea]

Originally Posted by sesheta

is on my wish list already for a very long time, so I’d rather not talk to him at all if I can only talk about the weather, that’s not what I want from him.

****Ah, this is a trap that I think all of us fall into!! It has taken me a couple of years now to really, truly understand this one (though I still have my bad days, lolol!)
The biggest part of the problem is when we keep thinking it's about what we want. When it comes to TF relationships (more so than others, I think) is that it often has to be more about what they want, and what they need. At least for me this has been a huge factor: the more I back off, and give my TF what he says he needs - whether it be time alone, time with his best friend, whatever...then he starts to come closer! I think this is because he can see proof that I actually "get it" and I'm proving to him that I will respect his needs, too. Then, suddenly, he starts giving me more of what I need.
Mirrors, remember? What we send out gets reflected back to us....though, yes, I totally agree - it does sometimes take the patience of a saint, and is enough to test our sanity!!! *****

Totally true. The more you let go the more they will come closer. But I agree, sometimes it''s so hard to let go.

Originally Posted by HalfGirl

I did not receive any reply from him, but aren’t we all used to that by now. .

What the heck is up with that? Why do they not answer sometimes? Better yet, why do we initiate any messages? Is this rude behavior? Do they not answer other people or just us? Or, maybe we just take it way too personal. I mean, I have had other friends not answer a text and I don’t get bent all of shape. What do you think?

Originally Posted by moonts_6978

Mine will text once in a while to wish me about something or share some information but does not get into any personal conversations!!

Did your tf use to have personal conversations with you? If so, why did it stop?

Originally Posted by sesheta

is on my wish list already for a very long time, so I’d rather not talk to him at all if I can only talk about the weather, that’s not what I want from him.

****Ah, this is a trap that I think all of us fall into!! It has taken me a couple of years now to really, truly understand this one (though I still have my bad days, lolol!)
The biggest part of the problem is when we keep thinking it's about what we want. When it comes to TF relationships (more so than others, I think) is that it often has to be more about what they want, and what they need. At least for me this has been a huge factor: the more I back off, and give my TF what he says he needs - whether it be time alone, time with his best friend, whatever...then he starts to come closer! I think this is because he can see proof that I actually "get it" and I'm proving to him that I will respect his needs, too. Then, suddenly, he starts giving me more of what I need.
Mirrors, remember? What we send out gets reflected back to us....though, yes, I totally agree - it does sometimes take the patience of a saint, and is enough to test our sanity!!! *****

Hmmm... Well, at least your tf gives you what you want. It seems to me that most of these tf relationships are based one the runner's terms and NOT mutual.

Originally Posted by Nymphea

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Totally true. The more you let go the more they will come closer. But I agree, sometimes it''s so hard to let go.

They will come closer, but can you come closer? If you come closer they run. Hmmm.... Not sure that is healthy.

"A relationship should be based on equality. In relationships without equality one partner tries to control the other." ~quoted

I sometimes think thses tf relationships are about control and ego. They want you there when they need you. I think they also get an ego boost knowing someone has them in their heart. It seems pretty selfish to me at times. Doesn't it to you?