I Can't Progress In Life Like Others...

[hallow]

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Hello,

I am 35 years old, have general anxiety and social anxiety.
I don't have car, house (I rent) and family at this point in time and live on disability.

I never had girlfriend and I can't imagine I will ever have family.
I am not open to new things, even if it's about going to... I don't know,
cinema that I haven't been to for 10 years, I am afraid of going because
I don't know the process, what expects me etc. And that's for all the things
that I have not experienced.

Mainly this can be due to anxiety which developed and got worse
with time. I also have issues communicating with people, specifically
I don't get all what they say. It's like they just talk and words come and
go. I hardly remember particular details about conversation.

So it all slowly came to having difficulty with normal things that normal
people usually don't have issues with. I wonder whether this was my destiny
or it's just psychological ailments?

I am stagnant and can't progress materially and spiritually. Feels like I am in a trap.
This takes a toll on quality of my life and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I think about taking "exit pill" but I am afraid of dying.

What happens with soul that can't progress materialistically and spiritually in this world?
Does living empty life at this point benefit the soul?

I am not really a people person myself. I work 3rd shift, alone I see very few other people in my day to day Life. I am distant from my family, not because there bad people it's just because I am different than they are. In my adult years I found myself becoming more distant from others. Likely from emotional battle wounds I did to myself. Most people will say that's unhealthy. But some people just aren't people, people. It doesn't make them a bad person. Maybe it makes sense that I am night person who get nervous around others. For someone like me the night brings a huge relief. You don't have all the sounds or activities of the day to be alert to. Nature is a huge drive for me as well. Nature really absorbs that nervousness. There's less emotional dangers in nature. Nature expects nothing from you but to respect it. It's very black and white what you see and hear is what you get.