Really hurt by boyfriend telling me to lose weight

#1 30-03-2014, 11:42 PM

Think I just need to rant!

Today my boyfriend of 8 years said to me "you need to lose weight", I was a bit taken aback not because I don't need to lose weight, I do! I was a UK size 10 when we met and after 2 children and 8 years I am a UK size 14 now.

It was mother's day today and I cooked a nice roast dinner for his mum and dad. It is not usually an easy day for me as my own mother passed some 12 years ago but today I was happy.

I was also a bit bloated today as I am on my period so yes I think I looked fat. I have never really had an issue with my weight, when I was young I was dead skinny and ate whatever I liked.

I now have a generally healthy diet with lots of fruit and vegetables but my weight does not really change. I have also been making an effort to do more exercise lately so was hoping for some improvement.

Anyway he said that and I said "I know"! Then he went to bed and now I feel really quite hurt. As they say the truth hurts.

Edit: I should add that I was taken aback because I thought I was past the point of other people being able to hurt me but it really hurt me like that, I felt the hurt deep in my soul and I am not sure why it hurt so, so much?

#2 31-03-2014, 02:28 AM

Hi zippyone, It's understandable that you would feel hurt. Did he thank you for the meal that you cooked for his parents? Is he generally good to you? Try not to get discouraged in your efforts to lose weight. .

GoldenLioness · #3 31-03-2014, 02:50 AM

I am wishing love for you. <3 Remember always that this is the body the universe gave to you so it should always be cherished. You are perfect just as you are.

#4 31-03-2014, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippyone

Think I just need to rant!

Today my boyfriend of 8 years said to me "you need to lose weight", I was a bit taken aback not because I don't need to lose weight, I do! I was a UK size 10 when we met and after 2 children and 8 years I am a UK size 14 now.

It was mother's day today and I cooked a nice roast dinner for his mum and dad. It is not usually an easy day for me as my own mother passed some 12 years ago but today I was happy.

I was also a bit bloated today as I am on my period so yes I think I looked fat. I have never really had an issue with my weight, when I was young I was dead skinny and ate whatever I liked.

I now have a generally healthy diet with lots of fruit and vegetables but my weight does not really change. I have also been making an effort to do more exercise lately so was hoping for some improvement.

Anyway he said that and I said "I know"! Then he went to bed and now I feel really quite hurt. As they say the truth hurts.

Edit: I should add that I was taken aback because I thought I was past the point of other people being able to hurt me but it really hurt me like that, I felt the hurt deep in my soul and I am not sure why it hurt so, so much?

He should have respected you far more than that, period. If it was coming from a concerned point of view ( such as if your weight was affecting your health ) then he should have privately sat you down and expressed his feelings, instead of just saying "You need to lose weight" in such a blunt way, and on such a day!

I am really, really sorry that he said that to you. I used to be bullied extremely for how I looked when I went to a private Christian school and was going through my awkward phase. You are beautiful, no matter what he says. He should have respected you as the woman that he loves and as the mother that you are.

#5 31-03-2014, 08:17 AM

Yes he did thank me for cooking the meal and asked if I was ok regarding my mum. Regarding my health, I have no health issues except a weak back which prevents me from doing hard exercise but cannot blame that on the extra weight as I have had this since I was 19 and skinny (8st, 112 lbs) but I have been working on my core strength lately by doing yoga and pilates.

It was the way he said it that hurt, so bluntly and as if he was embarrassed about me being overweight. He has never said this before, if I moan about feeling fat (which I rarely do, I am usually comfortable in my skin) he says I am beautiful regardless and he loves me for my heart not my body etc.

So it was just a bit odd and perhaps I am disproportionally upset about it, I am sure he did not mean to hurt me but it really did especially after such a lovely day with family I think.

Faith33 · #6 31-03-2014, 08:40 AM

As the years went by, I've found that only when I began to feel comfortable in my own skin, everyone just backed off. Whether it be about my weight, hair color, clothing etc.
Like you, my husband made some smart remarks in the past about my being overweight (by a few pounds!)...and now he tells me I'm too thin! Go figure.
There's just no pleasing some people, really.
For the longest time, my mother in law would tell me that my hair color is too dark for her taste and I just ignored her comments...ignored...ignored, until she eventually gave up...lol

Please love yourself just the way you are.....there's no one else out there like you. You are special!! ((hugs))

#7 31-03-2014, 09:32 AM

Thanks, he has just apologised and said it came out all wrong, said he was worried about my future health because my mum died so young, but she was not overweight and was a full blown alcoholic with irregular heartbeat. I do not drink.

He said he does not want me to lose weight for him, but for me, and I told him I have been working on my core strength as he thought I had been doing nothing about it. I am trying and will continue but not for him, for me, because I want to! Anyway I feel better about it now, thanks everyone.

Belle · #8 31-03-2014, 07:12 PM

Isn't it so easy for misunderstandings to arise. Glad it is sorted.

12meadows · #9 01-04-2014, 01:36 AM

I'm glad you are feeling better. Try to focus on just being a more centered you. The rest will fall into place. Yoga is a wonderful start. It has made a world of difference for me. I wish you well :)

Captain · #10 01-04-2014, 06:48 AM

I was told that once, the one time I was overweight and it hurt. That said, later in another relationship he gained a good deal of weight and wasn't putting in effort into taking it off. I remembered how it hurt me so I never said anything to him BUT I did feel as though he was letting me down. He was not sexually attractive to me at 50 lbs overweight. He looked terrible but I loved him yet felt short changed. I looked great and worked at it. He did nothing besides continue to gain weight over the years.