To tell or not to tell

[Visitor]

It is best for the deceptive person to not be deceptive, but to be honest.
The best we can do is to suggest, to the deceptive person, to stop being deceptive.

[MIND POWER]

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

My brothers went to Bali together, just the two of them.

Hahaha! This part of your post made me laugh!

If it isn't the annual Golf trip to Bali!

But on a serious note! i would not participate with a prostitute of any kind! (For the love of money men and women do some crazy things! Men will take risks and put their life in danger, attempt to become gangsters and criminals! But when it comes to willing violating themselves? this is a line very few men rarely cross in comparison to women (And this is because women need to be taught to have the same kind of honor that men have instinctual! Even the men who use prostitutes have no honor but? they come away from the ordeal not feeling used and damaged!).

[astralsuzy]

Hi all, this has turned out to be terrible. It has hurt my brothers family a lot. They are going through a huge amount of anger and upsets. They never want to see my other sister in law again. They know they have to because she is with my other brother. I think you are right when someone said it is gossiping. My brother said to me, are you kidding, I would not go off with a prostitute. I would not want to get diseases. My brother said he did have a massage but that was years ago. Anyway the whole thing sounds strange. My sister in law rang my other sister in law at 10.30 pm to say that my brother was having an affair in Thailand. My sister in law said she has proof as her brother went over there with them. Why would they all go together knowing it would likely get back to their wives. I am trying to persuade them to forgive my sister in law for saying that. If they do not forgive her they will remain angry. They do not have to like her. It is a mess.

[astralsuzy]

Originally Posted by Jaroon60

You should never get involved in things like that unless somebody is in danger. And going to a prostitute is not the end of the world.....telling a partner could mean a lot of problems. It is something people have to solve within a relationship. I have lived in Thailand for years. Telling all I know about people visiting prostitutes could break up many marriages which still work fine without the information.

That is sensible. Good advice, why would you try to break up a marriage. It is best to stay out of it and let people work it out for themselves.

[markings]

Originally Posted by Jaroon60

You should never get involved in things like that unless somebody is in danger. And going to a prostitute is not the end of the world.....telling a partner could mean a lot of problems. It is something people have to solve within a relationship. I have lived in Thailand for years. Telling all I know about people visiting prostitutes could break up many marriages which still work fine without the information.

I agree. What is the big deal going to a prostitute on such a holiday. I have a Muslim friend who suggested we go to Bangkok together without our wives. He knows that I am an open minded non-muslim person and that I know exactly why he wants to go there.
Anyway, going to a prostitute does not necessarily mean full sex. Maybe he only wants to talk to a person who will not judge him, or where it doesn't matter if she does, about his fantasies. Maybe she just gets him off?
There is really no justification to cause trouble at home for this, which may well be a one-off.

If someone would tell me that my wife sees a male prostitute I'd say 'good for her'. And I would seriously think about what is she missing from my side?

[markings]

I think Bill Maher hit the nail on the head when he commented about the suggestions some psychologist made that couples should share their innermost fantasies. He said: "Your fantasies bore us and our fantasies offend you."
There would have to an exceptional wife for men to talk about their deep desires and things which they might want to try just to see how it feels.

[CrystalSong]

I deleted my responses. It's a sad situation and one in which many people will learn many things about what they stand for and won't stand for.

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

Hi all, this has turned out to be terrible. It has hurt my brothers family a lot. They are going through a huge amount of anger and upsets. They never want to see my other sister in law again. They know they have to because she is with my other brother. I think you are right when someone said it is gossiping. My brother said to me, are you kidding, I would not go off with a prostitute. I would not want to get diseases. My brother said he did have a massage but that was years ago. Anyway the whole thing sounds strange. My sister in law rang my other sister in law at 10.30 pm to say that my brother was having an affair in Thailand. My sister in law said she has proof as her brother went over there with them. Why would they all go together knowing it would likely get back to their wives. I am trying to persuade them to forgive my sister in law for saying that. If they do not forgive her they will remain angry. They do not have to like her. It is a mess.

I don't think they should. Gossiping is an habitual behaviour when someone needs to draw attention to themselves. The stuff of soaps. If you forgive her she'll only do it again.

So maybe forgive her when she shows definite signs of being sorry but not before. It won't stop even then but at least she'll know the weight of the trouble she caused.

Fact is, she has no proof unless she was watching. She doesn't know what went on so it all sounds like sensationalistic speculation, knowing she'd cause trouble.

If she truly didn't think she'd cause trouble then never trust her with anything controversial again.
One must share the blame with those who brought her in on this scene in the first place. Like, who primed her?

♥

[astralsuzy]

Hi Lorelyen, you were right it was gossiping. It has caused a lot of damage. The family is very hurt and upset. It will take a long time to get over it. My sister in law who said my brother was having an affair regrets saying it and wishes she never said it. I said to my family you have to forgive. You do not have to like her but you have to forgive. If you do not forgive you become angry. I went through that a few years ago. My cousin did something that upset me a lot. I have never felt that way before. It was terrible. I only had to hear her name and I was angry. To be angry you cannot be happy. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

[markings]

Going to a prostitute, even if repeatedly, is not 'having and affair'.