Despair

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My first thought was ok here is the distraction I need. (been a bad few days.....
Have you ever talked about the future? like kids/marriage at all?

Your path may include a child it will also include how you are going to get this child. I am saying if you want a child and marriage. You have to be direct. and firm. You also have to be honest with yourself in what you want and what you are going to do if he does not want that.

My friends who know about tf are like you should have done this 6 years ago with tf. There is a reason for everything. I found out my tf could not have anymore kids. I never did ask if he would have changed his mind and reversed a vasectomy, if I had come out of the snack cake closet(adding some humor) 6 years or so ago when I first met him or even 3 years ago.

The thing was I was meant to have a kid then wait 10 years and have two more with someone who was not my snack cake wannabe(lol more humor) and now it is important that I carry on down the snack cake isle.

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I am trying to say fallow your heart and your dreams.

Thanks everyone :)

Kids is not even remotely an issue - so no worries there, lol! Marriage is not even an issue for me....

I think what really hurts is that he doesn't seem to understand that when he contradicts himself like that (first saying he wants us to live together, then next thing says he doesn't know when it will ever happen) it makes me feel like it means nothing to him.....

Meh...maybe I am (as usual) being impatient (LOLOLOLOL...the curse of every Sagittarius!) But I think I'm more scared than anything else....

Scared that something will happen, and my TF will be taken away from me, too (like most everyone else in my life I've cared about...) Or that my cancer will come back and kill me first......Or that the years will just keep stretching on, and I'll still be in the same spot/situation I'm in now......

I'm so tired......

Oh... Sesheta...
I am so sorry..
If you really believe that your connection with him is eternal, he will still be in your life even you decide to be with someone else who can provide you with a constant and committed life companionship.

But if you are not happy with him because your physical and emotional needs are not satisfied, you should think about not relying on him for anything outside of your spiritual connection.

Life can be very short and it can be taken away from us suddenly.
Life is full of obstacles and unexpectedness and we can not avoid disappointments and heartbreaks.
However, one should try to live a life without regret and pain.

You are 40 now and you may live up to 90 or even more.
Think about that ...
How do you want to fill the rest of your life?
Continue like this same way with your TF? Wishing and hoping that he would change?

Seshetta
U deserve the best and only u can define it. I was in a similar situation with a Virgo lol he was there but not. I would often tell him that he had one foot in the door and the other out. I always wanted more and he would say in good time. And you know he finally did move in after 10 years of trying lol and it was ok, we get along fine but he still was emotionally distant at times. Since then we broke up but I'm glad it happened cuz it showed me that what I was after just was not what he could provide whether we lived together or not. You see? The idea, the fantasy of what I wanted to try to mold him into because it just seemed right,just saying look at him in every aspect, drop the label and really look at it from the outside in.

Yeah, I think I'm just feeling old.....realizing I'm 40 and that I basically have nothing to show for much of anything....My faith is being sorely tested right now, and I guess I keep looking around for something solid - and it feels like there's nothing.....
I know that most of this is all me, and I assume this is all part of the big "TF Test" we all seem to have to take (over and over and over, lolol)

I'm just not sure how to fix me right now....

Stop blaming u! What u ask is not unreasonable, there is no test, its all free will. You can wait on your boyfriend or u can move on. No test my love.

I know you don't want to hear this, it does'nt sound like he's your TF. It seems to me that he's taking you for granted. He's not showing any commitment to you. You could go along this way for many more years, why would you want to?

sesheta..
This is NOT about you..
You are not to be blamed.
We all want commitment, companionship, and love.
This is basic goals of relationship. Your wanting these from him is normal and is within your right.

There are no tests between soul connections.

So I have sent him an email, asking if, when we are together this weekend, we can talk about things and try to work out some kind of guideline/roadmap we can both agree on (and like I included in the email - 'allowing for construction and detours'!)
Hopefully that will get things moving in the right direction....I will keep everyone posted (probably either late Sunday or Monday)......Fingers crossed.......