This is a story from my own life... Its one of suffering, and of letting go which is why I chose to share it in the healing section. I will be linking the song, and adding the lyrics with the story.
I was 16. I lived in the upstairs of a Two apartment house, with my mother and her boy friend. We were all three addicted to Meth. All three needle users. Never any food, windows busted out. I lived my own life. I had a moped. I would come home and empty house sometimes, other times my mom would be there alone. Sometimes just her boyfriend. Some times a house full. It was chaotic but free. I remember one night, in our living room. Dark besides a soft yellow glow coming from the touch lamp which sits in my living room today. A mattress in the middle of the floor in between two couches. A green blanket hanging from the entrance to keep the cool air from the ac in. my bedroom was the living room closet, the door ripped in half. My mother and I lay in the living room on the mattress talking about this and that. A rare moment when we weren't yelling, when she wasn't punching me in the face out of rage. When she wasn't fist fighting her boyfriend, when she wasn't sleeping, when she wasn't gone. I had recently met my now husband and she knew soon i would be leaving her... She told me how great I was and she loved me. She told me this song represented her feelings toward our life spent together. the intentions were pure.
The song -
https://youtu.be/fafVHDNrdqU
the lyrics :
Down the corridor
I send warmth
I send warmth
Down the staircase
I send warmth
I send warmth
Thank you for, again
To get to be able
To send warmth
To send warmth
Perhaps I set you too free
Too fast
Too young
But the intentions were pure
But the intentions were pure
My juvenile
My juvenile
My juvenile
I truly say
You are my biggest love
I clumsily try to free you from me
One last embrace
To tie a sacred ribbon
This is an offer to better the last let go
This is an offer to better the last let go
This is an offer to better the last let go
The intentions were pure
My juvenile
My juvenile
My juvenile
My juvenile
My juvenile
My juvenile
My mom was never close to perfect. She was a child herself and still is to this day. I don't really have contact with her, but the tie, was never truly let go. My mother was my first love, the first person to hurt me, the first person to manipulate me to betray. The first person who showed me what unconditional love was, not through loving me but by causing me to suffer. She taught me what people could do, the damages people could inflect, and she also taught me that loving some one truly is not effected by the suffer which they bring you. or themselves. Loving some one is beyond being affected by who they are. True love is not affected by the amount of happiness or pain you are given. Its not measured by each thing they do to deserve or not deserve it. Its there no matter what happens. I would still hold my mother close, as if she were my own child and rock her to sleep if she showed up at my door. Once she was asleep though I would be calling a taxi to send her back where she belongs. In her misery and my past.
very moving...much love to you.
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