I'm trying to heal from my past

[Enchanted_DreamFaerie]

There was a time when I was abused. I've been abused in many ways. Even when I was abused as a child by my father and I felt numb throughout growing up and I suffer from PTSD. In 2010 when I got involved with an abusive man and I felt like I couldn't leave the relationship. Finally I was able too in the end. Now everyone keeps telling me to move on past it and inside I feel like broken and depressed.

Last year is when I got a precancer on my cervix I fell apart. I even had a surgery on Kidney Stones and that's when I had an emotional break down.

Now I'm very weary on who I allow into my life because I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of the pain and waking up in the middle of the night, crying on my back porch and feeling lonely. A lot of my friends doesn't know the pain I'm feeling and I'm not reaching out for help because I hate sympathy and the pity act. I've been keeping this in for so long and I can't keep this in anymore. I hate feeling guilty and feeling sorry for myself. There's so many emotions inside of me and anger is one of them. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person. All I want to do is heal from this and move on.

[SakuraRose]

I can defenately relate to you In Regards to history of abuse and ill health. Hell im still going through it and no matter what anyone says it doesn't get easier. At best it remains consistent. I can't offer you much advise but all I can give to you is reassurance that that path will end at some point. Your taking on a lot of life lessons which you had agreed to pre birth. Know that you can handle it. We would never have chosen these paths if we couldn't. Sometimes we have to fall apart to find the cracks in our foundations. We then repair the cracks then rebuild ourselves from the base up.

I hope this gives you some hope and strength xxx

[kybe333]

Wow, that's a lot for one person to go through. I can relate in ways, I'd rather not share my story. My entire childhood I was pretty much just surviving, and playing catch-up because of how far certain things set me back. Just keeping my head above water was most of my days and took all the strength I had. Emotional pain can be excruciating, you can enter a hell on earth. The only thing you can do is keep going. You're still alive. You made it this far. I have healed from that pain but it took alot of work; healing plants, meditation, self-hypnosis etc. I have only really caught up to myself in the past year or so, at 25, I feel so much lighter and like a different person in ways. Lingering depression is still there but that's getting better too. Time will heal these things I'm sure of it. Sending healing energy your way.

[MaryMagdaQueenofQueens]

Many people experience pain beyond what they feel capable of handling. And in life it often seems unfair. What you have had to go through is very difficult, and it deserves respect. But there is reason behind suffering, and if you can heal you will be so much more of a person than if you had never felt pain, or survived it. By knowing the truths of suffering, you will be able to be a inspiration, and much help to those going through, what perhaps, only you understand for them. You will be much more appreciative of the kindness others give you, and you will be much more open hearted and loving once you heal from your past.
In my life i have suffered greatly at the hands of other people in a very Christ like manner, i.e. Innocence abused with out reason.
So know that i also hold this understanding with in myself.
People hurt others all the time, but it is by there own suffering that this happens. By their own disease. Forgiveness is vital in healing and in moving forward. Know that anything that happened was not your fault. But that you aren't meant to blame any one, or hold resentments against any one.
It took a long time for me to let go of the hate and distrust i held in my heart from the trauma i was put through as a young child and a young adult. But once this hate is dissolved into understanding then i began to re establish my child like happiness that i thrive upon today.
Bad things happen. But they arent meant to be held on to.
We abuse ourselves for years after the abuse has stopped... By reliving it, by getting angry over it, by not understanding why it happened to us.
Let go of all the confusion and grow in love with yourself.
It will all add strength to you, if you can heal.
I suggest that when you begin to feel these emotions from the past come up sit down and ask yourself... what have i to learn from these emotions. BEcause thats why they keep coming back.
Ask yourself what there is to accept, what there is to understand about the situations and feelings you are stuck in. and once you have began to answer these questions for yourself, take a deep breathe and tell yourself now I can move on. Repeat this, add to it. and keep trying to understand and grow from the way your mind works. Its important to understand yourself, so you need to pay attention to the way you feel Not simply ignore it. But it is also important that you are getting what your meant to out of it, and then moving on. This is how to keep a healthy mind.
Do not get overwhelmed. Its okay to cry. Its okay to be down. But not all the time. Try to smile at yourself in the mirror and tell you that you love you. Sometimes thats one of the hardest things to do for people who have been abused, to say seriously, "Ilove you" to yourself.
I wish you the best and i know you can make it out of this dark night.
Many blessings to you dear heart your strength and warmth are growing by the day. One day you will see that you are whole and strong and full of life.

[CarolineD]

We all should learn from our past and from our mistakes.
And from mistakes of other people.

[All-Is-Well]

I am very sorry. Try to work on loving yourself with baby step. Look in the mirror every morning and say "I love you". Caress your body with your hand and send it love.

Build up self love a little bit every day until it feels "normal" and becomes your new way of being.

[Jared.L]

Did you hear that we have some lessons to learn in this life and the fact that you meet a certain type of man mens that you draw them into your life and you did not understand the lesson you should have learned?