Lesson for others to learn but you have a role in it too?

Is it common to go through something that would badly fall on you just because your partner has to learn even bigger lesson in order to progress?

I was thinking about my personal experience and came to this question so I am wondering if I touched a cord with this one... What do you think?

Here is the situation(shortest version possible):)

My husband is from Brazil and they have totaly different views on life than us Europeans.His brother came to live with us and later on his so called girlfriend came too. I was a bit annoyed that noone even bothered to asked me if I am ok with it but ok...I got over it. I though having another woman in the house will be good to share the work. I never met her and when I did I had no opinion about her(positive or negative). But after a week of getting to know her I saw that she only brings trouble.I told my husband this and again,I was told I am such a negative person,egoistic because I don't want to help other people(it is not true but I think I have good feeling about people I meet).
She came back to Europe to live with us and I have to admit that those were the worst 8 months of my life! Everything bad you can think of,that happened. It even came so far that I was willing to leave my husband with our son if she is not gone.
In my husbands,his whole family and her family I was the most selfish and horrible person in the world. My heart was in pieces!
But soon after things changed,things(the ones I saw from the beginning) were coming to the surface and my husband and his brother(plus their whole family) saw her true face. She left,atmosphere in the house changed dramatically(for the better) but I was still hurt because of my husbands words,thoughts and actions.

Now he realises what kind of test this was and he failed big time but he learned his lesson.(brother too).

I admit I failed as well for not having MORE patience but this really pushed all my buttons(to live with a person I didn't like,didn't apprechiate anything,no help,not paying for anything while we barely scraped for nappies and to top it up making me look the most vile person in the world to everyone who was willing to listen).

Did I miss something from this lesson maybe?

I'm sorry to hear how bad the situation was. I feel like we are given tests in our lives for whatever reason but who can say if you completely failed or passed. Life is life and we have to deal with what is coming at us. I know how it is to try to have loads of patience while waiting for the other person to finally click the two pieces in their brain but let me just say that everything is not set in stone. Some people like to believe when you reincarnate you have everything planned in your life before you are born. I choose to believe that is not so. I believe you can change your destiny and that if you feel a certain thing going on in your life is unhealthy for you or your family then you have to make a choice. In your case sticking with your husband was the right choice. The time was clearly rough and I think that you can honestly say you learned something from it and it seems like your husband and brother honestly learned something too! "We should listen to Azuly more!" ;)

Hugs and kisses
Ladybugskiss

Sounds like it was test of marriage commitment vs family obligation ...
Personally, I think there was alot of ruthless manipulation going on to force you to comply; completely unacceptable ...
More so b/c she was not family member; a complete stranger you had to play hostess to; disrespectful & far too much to expect from you ...
I think it would be best if you & your husband had a chat about rules, boundaries, marriage, extended family obligations & gf/bfs ...
Your marriage comes first - every man & every woman who marries joins as one leaving their childhood life behind (their parents, siblings, etc) ...
I come from a large extensive family who also believe they have the right to stay in any relative's home ...
My husband was not raised w/family obligations such as mine, even though he is now deceased, I still do not let my own family camp out in my home nor will I allow his family to step foot inside ...
Certainly I have compassion, however, when they plant to travel across the ocean than they can find an airport close to a host of family members they can shack up with ...
My one & only concern would be the welfare of my immediate family ...
For months following my husband's death, I had to lay down the law again ...
Since Bob was dead, his family thought they could have the run of my house b/c he was their son & brother - this was new to me ...
In general, the husband's family take on a vulture persona - its very sexist, but its common for them to treat the widow as a speck of dirt ...
Try to work out the best possible solutions at the same time don't be afraid to be firm, defend your home & marriage as well as demand respect ...
Good luck!

I go with ho'oponopono. The world is a reflection, and we encounter only things that have an inner expression. By healing your inner expression, you stop reacting to that specific content. It may still be there, but not in the way you perceived it before.

For example, my gf had a problem today. She shouted at me and was really mad, and the first few seconds i tried to defend myself... then it made click and i became aware that theres no problem, and i completly stopped interpreting her reaction to me. It was like watching a staging. It lasted a few seconds, then she stopped to... because there was no one to shout anymore.

Thank you all for kind words and hugs!

Now I can laugh at this memory(even though I'd still prefere to just erase it) but at that time I was crying on the bathroom floor in silence so noone can hear me.

I've let go of all the hate I had towards her(I never ever had such strong negative feelings towards the person before) and it helped that she was out of my sight too. I wonder how will I react when I will see her in person again and I will since it is very small town they live in Brazil.

I was also told that she faked the pregnancy to force husbands brother to get back together and then blamed him for having a miscarage because he didn't want to. Sometimes I feel like my life is a cheesy soap and I have the main role.

Thank you all for kind words and hugs!

Now I can laugh at this memory(even though I'd still prefere to just erase it) but at that time I was crying on the bathroom floor in silence so noone can hear me.

I've let go of all the hate I had towards her(I never ever had such strong negative feelings towards the person before) and it helped that she was out of my sight too. I wonder how will I react when I will see her in person again and I will since it is very small town they live in Brazil.

I was also told that she faked the pregnancy to force husbands brother to get back together and then blamed him for having a miscarage because he didn't want to. Sometimes I feel like my life is a cheesy soap and I have the main role.

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by azuly

Did I miss something from this lesson maybe?

in your next life, ask to marry someone who isn't from Brazil

Originally Posted by Dream Angel

in your next life, ask to marry someone who isn't from Brazil

you made me laugh big time