Past life longing

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I've seen many stories and videos about children with past life memories and that they forget them by a certain age. I've also seen many videos about once they have acknowledged these past lives and people they remember all the pain goes away.

But for me its the opposite. I had a few memories of previous lives when I was a kid and in the last 6 years or so ive remembered more and more. To the point I have atleast one other FULL set of memories and 2- 3 partial sets from other lives. I've had many lives and died many different ways.

I know of 2 different families (dad's, mother's, brothers, sisters) and I've had my own family with 2 different wives. One of the woman stands out to me the most though. I've known her in many life times and I've had children with her in every life time I remember.

Once back in the 1800's. we had 2 teenage boys and a little girl that made it to around 5 before she died.

I was alive again around the ww2 but so far I don't remember my family and such from that time.

I again was alive in the 70's and I had a daughter and a son. both were killed. As was my wife.

I remember her dying everylife time. there was only once when I went before her.

I also have memories of her inbetween lives.
whats strange is I've seen myself (what I looked like in previous lives and I WAS a woman too, not a man) so I've no idea how we had the children but they looked exactly like us.

Anyway I haven't met her again this life. Im starting to wonder if I will or not. But I long for her. I cry over her EVERY night. some days im ok, when I keep myself busy and distracted. But I miss her all the time... its more than missing her. I cant describe how it feels honestly. Its overwhelming.
I hear about people healing from past lives but honestly I cant let her go. I don't want to let her go. And I don't think I could if I tried. I love her. she means everything to me, more than anything in the physical world.
So I struggle through everyday. its hard because its not like I cant talk to anyone about it. I mean how do you tell someone that you miss a woman you've never even met, yet you know everything about her.

Shes more real to me than anything here. I just want to meet her again.
It feels like punishment being alive without her.