Depression

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Astro

The purpose of depression in spiritual development is to teach you where to find the joy in life, & how to take better care of your mental health.

I'm also thinking that you might have developed psychosis shivatar, from smoking that plant.
http://cannabisandpsychosis.ca/more-...-is-psychosis/

I've gone through periods of psychosis but it wasn't like my life was perfect except for the weed. If nothing else was going bad in my life, and I smoked weed and developed psychosis then I would say weed did it. However when I experience psychosis it's because major parts of my life are falling apart simultaneously.

My first psychosis came after being abandoned by a parent and my girlfriend breaking up with me. Work was stressful at the time and my friends were basically non-existant. Life came down around me and I didn't have anyone to help me out of it. psychosis was a natural result of all that extreme pressure. I smoked so much weed to recover lol. Weed didn't cause it.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by shivatar

I stopped myself from feeling bliss a long time ago. I think it was because I realized I couldn't control a bliss state. Less bliss made it easier to function the way I wanted, which was on a very mundane level of consciousness. I wanted to get involved in the world and the bliss state made that very difficult.

Now I am on the other side of the fence, thinking the grass is greener on the bliss side. It was easy to go from bliss to not bliss. Going from not bliss back into bliss is proving very difficult.

I can't control a bliss state either, but when I feel one coming on, I just let it happen and go with it. I figure that it's better to experience it than not to, no matter how bloody inconvenient it gets sometimes.

I mean, when I want it to happen, it never does! It always sneaks up on me and catches me totally unawares and I'm like; "you must be kidding me right? You want that to happen now?...mmmokay, have it your way".

I have also heard that the more you just let it happen initially, the more your body gets used to it, the more you can control them and incorporate them into everyday awareness.

Another thing that helps is grounding. I had a case of terrible 'electric shocks' going up my spine last night, jolting my whole body at 10-15 minute intervals. It was so annoying and sleep did not stop it from happening.

So I just came back from the beach where I stripped naked and buried myself in wet sand for 3 hours, before getting dressed again and then hugging a huge banksia tree saying "let's swap energies here" and I stayed like that...shoes off and hugging this tree for like half an hour, visualising my energies going into it.

Then it dropped a banksia seed pod at my feet and I picked it up...it felt nice in my hands as I rolled my fingers and palm over it, letting it massage my hand as I squeezed it and the tree said "take it home...it is my gift to you and when you want to ground, pick it up and think of me".

After that, I walked along the beachfront to a series of rock pools and my shoes were already off as I walked along the beach and I was thinking to myself "the reason why holy sadhus never have this problem with energy buildup is because they go barefoot everywhere...they don't have any shoes!"

So, I rolled up my jeans and dangled my feet in the rock pools as a slight breeze kicked up while the sun was belting down on my face and I thought; "here we have all 5 elements together...water (ocean)...earth (sand)....fire (sun)...air (wind) and of course the 5th one is me, my very soul and I prayed to the sun: "Om Suryaya Namah"..."Om Adityaya Namah"...."Om Bhaskaraya Namah..." and I realised I sorta knew the Rig Veda word perfect, even though I thought I'd forgotten all that.

I was also sitting there going "lam...lam....lam...lam..." which, of course is the bija mantra for the Muladhara Chakra and visualising Lord Ganesha inside it...as he is...to mentally ground all of the accumulated energy in my crown that's not going anywhere and just giving me migraine after migraine.

Now, all my excess energy has been drained, but it always l get totally fatigued after doing it, but I also realise if I do it every day, the less fatigued I will feel!

I'm only feeling like sleeping where I sit because it was a huge energy dump all at once, where if I spent half an hour a day doing it...just taking my shoes off and walking in the grass, it wouldn't affect me like this.

I know you have an aversion to going outside...but do you have a backyard? a small grassed area where you can take your shoes off? maybe take your shirt off and lay down on the grass and look at the sky? do you have trees you can touch?

You could also make a garden and plant things...get your hands dirty and make things grow! that helps with depression...just don't forget to water them and let them die, or you'll just get all depressed again. lol

So, right now I am going to have a glass of carrot juice and some par-boiled potato...you know, get with all the food stuff that grows in the ground and then after that, I am going to go on Youtube and find some grounding sounds...maybe a Tanpura drone in C# or maybe something in the Schumann Resonance frequency...and then I am going to download it and have a nap whilst listening to it.

[shivatar]

It's not the esctacy of doing a thing that excites me, but rather it is the newness of doing a thing that excites me.

Being popular. going out in nature. Being enlightened among others. Being enlighted in soltude. All these things are like blah to me. None of them really get my fire burning.

I guess a part of my depression is my inability to find that thing that gets my fire going once again.

It's very difficult to find a thing that nobody has done before.

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I can't control a bliss state either, but when I feel one coming on, I just let it happen and go with it. I figure that it's better to experience it than not to, no matter how bloody inconvenient it gets sometimes.

I mean, when I want it to happen, it never does! It always sneaks up on me and catches me totally unawares and I'm like; "you must be kidding me right? You want that to happen now?...mmmokay, have it your way".

I have also heard that the more you just let it happen initially, the more your body gets used to it, the more you can control them and incorporate them into everyday awareness.

Another thing that helps is grounding. I had a case of terrible 'electric shocks' going up my spine last night, jolting my whole body at 10-15 minute intervals. It was so annoying and sleep did not stop it from happening.

So I just came back from the beach where I stripped naked and buried myself in wet sand for 3 hours, before getting dressed again and then hugging a huge banksia tree saying "let's swap energies here" and I stayed like that...shoes off and hugging this tree for like half an hour, visualising my energies going into it.

Then it dropped a banksia seed pod at my feet and I picked it up...it felt nice in my hands as I rolled my fingers and palm over it, letting it massage my hand as I squeezed it and the tree said "take it home...it is my gift to you and when you want to ground, pick it up and think of me".

After that, I walked along the beachfront to a series of rock pools and my shoes were already off as I walked along the beach and I was thinking to myself "the reason why holy sadhus never have this problem with energy buildup is because they go barefoot everywhere...they don't have any shoes!"

So, I rolled up my jeans and dangled my feet in the rock pools as a slight breeze kicked up while the sun was belting down on my face and I thought; "here we have all 5 elements together...water (ocean)...earth (sand)....fire (sun)...air (wind) and of course the 5th one is me, my very soul and I prayed to the sun: "Om Suryaya Namah"..."Om Adityaya Namah"...."Om Bhaskaraya Namah..." and I realised I sorta knew the Rig Veda word perfect, even thought I had forgotten all that.

I was also sitting there going "lam...lam....lam...lam..." which, of course is the bija mantra for the Muladhara Chakra and visualising Lord Ganesha inside it...as he is...to mentally ground all of the accumulated energy in my crown that's not going anywhere and just giving me migraine after migraine.

Now, all my excess energy has been drained, but it always l get totally fatigued after doing it, but I also realise if I do it every day, the less fatigued I will feel!

I'm only feeling like sleeping where I sit because it was a huge energy dump all at once, where if I spent half an hour a day doing it...just taking my shoes off and walking in the grass, it wouldn't affect me like this.

I know you have an aversion to going outside...but do you have a backyard? a small grassed area where you can take your shoes off? maybe take your shirt off and lay down on the grass and look at the sky? do you have trees you can touch?

You could also make a garden and plant things...get your hands dirty and make things grow! that helps with depression...just don't forget to water them and let them die, or you'll just get all depressed again. lol

So, right now I am going to have a glass of carrot juice and some par-boiled potato...you know, get with all the food stuff that grows in the ground and then after that, I am going to go on Youtube and find some grounding sounds...maybe a Tanpura drone in C# or maybe something in the Schumann Resonance frequency...and then I am going to download it and have a nap whilst listening to it.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by shivatar

It's not the esctacy of doing a thing that excites me, but rather it is the newness of doing a thing that excites me.

Being popular. going out in nature. Being enlightened among others. Being enlighted in soltude. All these things are like blah to me. None of them really get my fire burning.

I guess a part of my depression is my inability to find that thing that gets my fire going once again.

It's very difficult to find a thing that nobody has done before.

You mean to say, that the very pinnacle of mortal existence just doesn't 'do it' for you?

Your bliss must be totally different to my bliss then!

You know, when Rudra stares you straight in the eye going; "and how may I destroy you today?" and when Lord Nataraja takes your hand and goes "may I please have this dance?"

Then you play with the very fire of Agni Soma (the nectar of the sacred flame) itself! You get to fondly caress the Atma Lingam (the indwelling spirit) itself and you sorta walk around for the next few days just going; "Aham Brahmasmi...Aham Brahmasmi...Aham Brahmasmi" ( I am that Divine Consciousness)...and that is not 'exciting' enough for you? oh dear.

I mean, when it is perfected and fully establishes itself, one attains Moksha (liberation) and doesn't even have to be reborn anymore!

However, when I was like you, Lord Shiva got my fire going and I got His going after chanting the Purusha Shuktam and doing Agnihotra...I have my whole heritage to fall back on and support me...you need to find what it is you believe in and then have it also believe in you.

[Shivani Devi]

Okay, say God appeared before you and said; "Okay Shivatar, I shall grant you one wish"...what will you wish for?

You could wish to have an experience nobody else has ever had...and because all human experience is all relative and subjective anyway...God will go "will Nirvikalpa Samadhi suffice? How would you like to BE me Shivatar?" and Shivatar will go "nope, because I am looking for an experience nobody has ever had before".

My dear boy, who is to say that 'your enlightenment' is exactly the same as 'my enlightenment' or 'anybody else's enlightenment'?

You are too much in your whole 'head space' to understand this though and that the difference between our levels of awareness.

I do not seek ecstasy...I seek 'end game' with the universe.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by shivatar

What is the purpose of depression in spiritual development?

Its a way that people manage their pain or fears, their inability to feel love and joy, (which seems a common theme, myself included) In some ways it becomes like a protective mechanism even as it is very difficult. It becomes a way for some to keep themselves separate from what is housed within the depression deeper. I guess it serves the one walking through it until its time to move on from that more complete. As a deeply fearful person once upon a time, I see that both depression and fear runs so deep that often when people do resurrect from that burden, they have quite profound spiritual awakenings. From one extreme to the other, as I have learned. So in some ways I see depression can be quite a profound bridge when the time is right to rise from the deep more aware and more conscious of itself on both sides, so it serves the new creation coming from itself more complete and aware of its own completion.The dark night opens the light of day awake and more aware of itself through the whole stream of itself. And I have learned that my stream in this way, serves more than myself alone.

[Emm]

Originally Posted by shivatar

What is the purpose of depression in spiritual development?

I'm in some kind of dark night of the soul right now and it feels like an ego crushing depression. So bad it makes me question "which part of me can't go on like this" and "which part of me can". I've come to understand that is an important question and this is a valuable period of time I'm in.

On the one hand I want to use all this depression energy in the appropriate way. On the other I don't want to do anything.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. Dancing on the edge of a knife. Almost at my limit, but not the limit I want, so I keep dancing on bloody feet.

On the one hand, I let things get so bad I have to fix them. This is OK because I feel good, but I'm right back to where I was not long ago.
On the other, I enjoy the chaos and watching myself get out of this mess. This is more OK because I can discover a new part of myself. However it's unbearable and a miracle I've gone as far as I have.

I hate to say it but my experience with depression and the Dark Night was facing my victim metality. Its easier to say that the world has done you wrong because then you don't have to face yourself knowing you gave your power away. For me, it made me face myself and ask the question, do I want to sink or swim? The moment I made the decision to swim the depression lifted.

If you remember that life just reflects back to you what you are believing of yourself...it then makes more sense that all those unfortunate events are not others taking liberties but a projection of your own making....its your expectation of life. You don't believe you are worthy...but it is only a belief, its not a truth.

Depression is draining, it saps you of your energy. What you need to find is an awareness of any little thing that gives you the slightest amount of excitement and follow those moments as if they're breadcrumbs leading you forward to better times. It doesn't have to be much, it can be a particular book you want to read or friend to see...keep looking out for those moments and you'll be back on track to taking charge of your own life once again. Appreciation is another way to feel better, its amazing how much of our life we let pass by without a thought...simple things like appreciating how good something tastes or smells...a blue sky or the sun shining...just get to catch yourself actually feeling that sense of goodness and keep finding more of those moments really helps.

Then we realise feeling good is a power we have that is not about circumstances but a choice and that's empowering in itself that no one can take away. Raising our own vibration.

I hope you feel better soon

[bloke]

The dark night of the soul is not the same thing as depression, in my experience.

There are various ways to overcome depression but the dark night is about surrender.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by shivatar

What is the purpose of depression in spiritual development?

On the one hand, I let things get so bad I have to fix them. This is OK because I feel good, but I'm right back to where I was not long ago.
On the other, I enjoy the chaos and watching myself get out of this mess. This is more OK because I can discover a new part of myself. However it's unbearable and a miracle I've gone as far as I have.

Could it be that "spiritual development" is not the answer?

Who actually introduces is to the idea of spiritual development? Could it be that the perpetual ponzi scheme is wearing you out?

Do we ever really see the results of enlightenment in the same way that we see weight loss or language skills develop?

Someone who seems to have their shizzle together may claim that it was down to a "certain path" but could it be that they simply changed the circumstances that they were in - voluntarily or not and it became like a spiritual placebo?

Show me where spiritual enlightenment gets you - not in theory or some long winded goal but actual physical proof that enlightenment is not just the forever dangling carrot.

If your time was put into say learning Swedish - that might lead to travel opportunity or jobs or perhaps a way of life that you have yet to experience but since you are looking inwards none of this has the potential to happen.

Are you similar to those that hang around Roswell because they have seen lights in the sky or had sleep paralysis therefore need to see the aliens again - yet they never do. Those that chase Bigfoot after an odd 2 second glimpse of something that they can't explain?

Perhaps the spiritual isn't needed here but you have placed the label on it & are convinced that the formula exists. I'll get all sorts of wonderful riddle filled "enlightened" answers from others no doubt but I would ask you to consider this as a possibility for your own sake.

Spiritual ideologies might have some good ideas, lessons & stories to them but so do songs & poems. Movies & comics have complete histories & canon - star trek it even has languages - but not of it is beneficial to you outside of the fantasy.

Don't be spiritual - is that the answer here at least for now?

.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

Show me where spiritual enlightenment gets you - not in theory or some long winded goal but actual physical proof that enlightenment is not just the forever dangling carrot.

The proof of spiritual enlightenment is only found in the realisation. This is not "physical" proof - it is a state of Being. For some it is a reality, for others it is just a belief. As long as it is just a belief then it is indeed a dangling carrot.

So where does spiritual enlightenment get you? It is the freedom of knowing that the Self exists without limits. It is the joy of seeing the Self present in all things. It is the awareness of being complete, because nothing can be added to what we are. Spiritual enlightenment is just effortless Being.

Peace.