very angry & confused, need guidance?

[idkusername]

Opening up my social media app, I came across a picture my tf recently posted. It was a picture of him with a girl (flirty picture almost, the way I took it) she had silmilar feature as me. She had the same hair color, same eye color, same eye brows & same ethnic background. I showed the picture to my friend & she told me it she looks very much alike to me.

Now, I don't want this anger to be confused as "jealousy" because it's not (I can openly admit when I'm jealous & I have no problem doing so since it is human nature & I know this isn't jealousy it's a different feeling), I'm angry. I saw him for the first time in person two weeks ago. We did not speak to eachother but we had a connection (a homey feeling) & he would keep looking at me when I wasn't "aware" & when he first saw me he had a transfixed face, confused kinda, I can't really explain it but I know something was there anyways, back to explaing why I am mad/fustrated. I am mad because he saw me two weeks ago & now he's out with another girl but then sometimes I get this instant blast of reality that if he's happy than I'm happy but sometimes I can't control the anger that comes out because why couldn't he approach me like he did to her, I know where he was with her there was more of a bigger chance to have a communication then the place that I met her but why couldn't he at least talk to me? I know the same thing could be said to me since I didn't try to talk to him, but I just had a feeling he would be the one to approach me first which was stupid because he's very, very shy but I still don't understand. I'm just over all confused at the moment I hope this makes sense. I know when we saw eachother there it wasn't a moment meant for us to come together since we are both unhappy with our selves & I believe you can once connection & unite once you work on your self & become happy with your self which we have to do, then we can be re united. But ever since I saw him I've been feeling happy, angry, confused, hurt, joyful. I'm a mess at the moment

[Baile]

I read this twice and cannot understand why you are angry. It sounds like you're angry because of this: "Couldn't he approach me like he did to her?" I've been with partners who, after we split, I wanted nothing to do with. I was happy it was over and just wanted to get on with my life. That could be one reason. Regardless, if the two of you aren't together anymore, then neither owes the other anything. So unless he's intentionally doing things to anger or annoy you, there's nothing you can justifiably get mad at him for. You're getting mad at him, for doing what is his right to do as a free being. Do you accept family members and friends getting mad at you for doing whatever you freely chose to do? Of course not, you'd tell such people to go mind their own business.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Baile

Regardless, if the two of you aren't together anymore, then neither owes the other anything.

Baile, I don't believe they have spoken/communicated to one another (yet)....

[idkusername]

Originally Posted by Baile

I read this twice and cannot understand why you are angry. It sounds like you're angry because of this: "Couldn't he approach me like he did to her?" I've been with partners who, after we split, I wanted nothing to do with. I was happy it was over and just wanted to get on with my life. That could be one reason. Regardless, if the two of you aren't together anymore, then neither owes the other anything. So unless he's intentionally doing things to anger or annoy you, there's nothing you can justifiably get mad at him for. You're getting mad at him, for doing what is his right to do as a free being. Do you accept family members and friends getting mad at you for doing whatever you freely chose to do? Of course not, you'd tell such people to go mind their own business.

That is part of why I am angry, but if you read what Wolfgaze said below you, it indicates that we haven't communicated/spoken yet. One of the reasons I am mad/fustrated is that we had the chance to commiuncate but he did not approach me nor did I approach him (I could be angry at my self also, but I did not feel like there was any time for me to approach him or felt like it was right to approach him since he is shy) but clearly apparently his not that shy based on his post on social media. Which is why I am mad. Do you understand it now? Lol, I understand he is a free being & it's not like I would ever control him or be controlling of him since he is his own person.

[idkusername]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Baile, I don't believe they have spoken/communicated to one another (yet)....

Yes, you are right. Haha, thank you wolfgaze!

[ANJTF]

I'm kind of confused. I get what you are angry about but I don't think it's something to be angry about. You say you have never talked but you have to know this person in some sort of setting. You say they are shy? You knew their name to look them up on social media?

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

idkusername, i figure you'd ought to let the maelstrom of emotions
pour out of you. it's a resorting out type process... what remains at the end
will be settled and peaceful.
release your expectations for how events ought to transpire, and disallow
these experiences to guide your present actions (don't be reactive to the past).
get yourself into a calm and peaceful state of being...
then be prepared to "make the first move" with someone that attracts
your interest (maybe a different fella even)

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by idkusername

Opening up my social media app, I came across a picture my tf recently posted. It was a picture of him with a girl (flirty picture almost, the way I took it) she had silmilar feature as me. She had the same hair color, same eye color, same eye brows & same ethnic background. I showed the picture to my friend & she told me it she looks very much alike to me.

Now, I don't want this anger to be confused as "jealousy" because it's not (I can openly admit when I'm jealous & I have no problem doing so since it is human nature & I know this isn't jealousy it's a different feeling), I'm angry.

life would be so much less complicated without social media !

[Baile]

Originally Posted by idkusername

Which is why I am mad. Do you understand it now? Lol, I understand he is a free being & it's not like I would ever control him or be controlling of him since he is his own person.

Okay, you met someone two weeks ago for the first time, and spoke with him once? twice? He's not your boyfriend and the two of you weren't going together; you weren't anything other than acquaintances. And now you're upset because you've decided he's your TF (Is he even aware of this?), and you feel he owed it to you to talk to you first. That's what I understand concerning your situation.

If that's the case, then yes, you are indeed trying to control this person. And no, I cannot understand why you believe you have the right to be mad at him, or think he owes you anything. If he made promises of some kind to you, sure. Otherwise, no.

[idkusername]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

idkusername, i figure you'd ought to let the maelstrom of emotions
pour out of you. it's a resorting out type process... what remains at the end
will be settled and peaceful.
release your expectations for how events ought to transpire, and disallow
these experiences to guide your present actions (don't be reactive to the past).
get yourself into a calm and peaceful state of being...
then be prepared to "make the first move" with someone that attracts
your interest (maybe a different fella even)

Thank you! Looking back at this thread I typed I realized how dumb it is, but I've been like this since I saw him. My emotions keep on changing up, no joke one minute I'll be so happy & joyful & the other I"ll be a crying mess. I guess when I type out that paragraph I just needed to vent at the moment (since I was in one of my "moods") thank you for the helpful reply! Blessings