Uh, um... I think someone is interested in me.

[little.nation]

First of all, neato! Yay!

Second, scream!!

Yeah, I'm probably not quite cut out for mature adulthood (at 43 years old). My instinct is still 2nd grade (run far away). I seriously geek out real hard when someone is interested in me or I think they are. This is nonsense yet it still is, regardless.

The suspect is overtly interested. This is what appeals to me. I like that someone is interested in me. But, WHY is he interested? What for? We probably aren't looking for the same thing. That's the way it goes in my world, there's always a problem...

I had visions. They were unusual and perplexing. I had been daydreaming / imagining / supposing and contemplating. The visions I had in response were portrayals of him: golden yellow warm happy.

HUH?! WHAT?!

Seriously baffling.

But I look to and see the dark side. I see risk and danger. I see threat and ominous. There's an old story inside and I remembered it while in physical presence of the suspect.

Jo no se. I still prefer to just crawl in a lovely earthly hole somewhere and die. Oh, the comfort and the relief and the rest! Now, if one was a potential boyfriend / lover / partner (aka suspect) what would he make of my desire to climb into a dark dirt hole in the earth? That's not very attractive. The sun doesn't shine warm and golden yellow into the dirt. Not that I know of...

I'm looking for a partner, a quality relationship. I'm NOT looking to get any more hurt than I already am (this is why I want my dark dirt hole).

Whatever. I don't care. About anything. Anymore. Too tired and too sad and too sore.

Hmm. I'm a little confused. Lol!

[Kaere]

I have to smile, your feelings about this are flying right off your post. I know that feeling, when the giggles bubble up out of nowhere lol

Maybe you could just sit in that dark dirt hole for a bit... maybe poke your nose out and see what he's doin? No need to move fast, right? Is he being gently curious too? Or rushy rushy?

If he's the right fella for ya, he'll go at your pace cause he'll want you to be comfortable with him. If he doesn't, he's probably not the right one for you right now. Give yourself the time to get to know him is what I'm sayin' *smiles*

Have fun, good luck!

[little.nation]

Originally Posted by Kaere

I have to smile, your feelings about this are flying right off your post. I know that feeling, when the giggles bubble up out of nowhere lol

Maybe you could just sit in that dark dirt hole for a bit... maybe poke your nose out and see what he's doin? No need to move fast, right? Is he being gently curious too? Or rushy rushy?

If he's the right fella for ya, he'll go at your pace cause he'll want you to be comfortable with him. If he doesn't, he's probably not the right one for you right now. Give yourself the time to get to know him is what I'm sayin' *smiles*

Have fun, good luck!

Sorry, I just posted again before I saw your reply. I would love to vibe with what you're saying but the weight pulled and yanked on my chains and I flooded with darkness, so I wrote all that negative stuff. This is too cruel and merciless and harrowing. Unreal.

[little.nation]

There's a stronger or heavier vibration when I contemplate the dark story. The light side has no vibration. I'm certain.

Life is not in the script or plan or blueprint or design or the proverbial cards for me. Only evil for me. It fills me with disgust and hate, and conviction of god.

It's not just that this particular person "isn't the one" like as if someone else is. No. I know too much. My poor suffering soul has been sacrificed to eternal lack, eternal black, eternal darkness, eternal pathology, eternal victimhood, eternal suffering, eternal loss, eternal Hell.

Why? No reason.

I'm going to close this chapter now and not revisit it. I'm already filling up with vomit and disgust. Why subject myself to anything when I already know the lot in life satan, lucifer, Jesus and god conspired to make. They are revolting, an insane gang of evil entities with no morality, no respect and no nothin'.

There's nothing anyone can ever say or do.

[Kaere]

Mmm, well you can only be true to you, right?

I wish you contentment in whatever you decide to do.

[little.nation]

Originally Posted by Kaere

Mmm, well you can only be true to you, right?

I wish you contentment in whatever you decide to do.

Thanks :)

I was a little bothered and upset after all that subtle and overt stuff tonight but I know my walk through this world: I am a target and will never be let off the hook.

I'm fine. No problem. Evil can do whatever evil does. I'll shift my attention back onto the Dulos Traconis case, knowing full well that any time i dare to exert my will in this world I will be attacked for it and beaten right back into oppression and control.

No hero for me.

I love your positivity, Kaere. I regret that can't respond in kind. Disharmony... Grrph.

[little.nation]

I can't remember if I wrote anywhere around here how I had a strong resistance to taking this job...

I think I did but I don't think I'll find it. It's probably in my "too great the spiritual darkness" thread.

I'll retell it here...

I started working my first job in the middle of May. The hours at that job were 1AM - 5AM or later on the weekends. I wanted a second job, primarily because I have a serious need to be busy. I knew the grocery store job had the hours I was looking to fill (6PM to midnight).

I had a very strong resistance to applying for that job but I applied for it anyway because I knew I would be hired and I was (and still am) enduring extreme pressure and urgency.

((I am SOOOO tired of being spiritually invaded...))

When I went for the interview he went to hire me on the spot but encountered a system message that said "do not hire"

DO NOT HIRE

but he was desperate and needed the help so he said he would override it and hire me anyway. He had me come back the next day to finish the hiring and onboarding.

Then, I started work two weeks ago on Tuesday, June 4.

Mr PUPPET would-be lover boy immediately took an interest in me. He was overtly attracted to me and I was FOOLED AGAIN.

Real real tired of being made a fool and being made to feel ugly and like garbage. But that's exactly what they (they, spiritual handlers and puppet masters) achieved AGAIN.

THEY NEVER STOP (and God never stops them).

Do you think GOD put the DO NOT HIRE message there?

by the way, it rained yesterday. Rain is poison to me.

In the past two days, my face has been defaced.

I do not know what face i will be wearing when I get there tonight. I DO know there will for absolutely certain and without a doubt be a FULL ORCHESTRATION.

Sooo many of you here at spiritual forums have been absolutely wonderful to me and I want you to know i APPRECIATE IT (tears in my eyes).

God said IDOL WORSHIPERS burn in the lake of fire.

I live in a town with a biblical name that means a holy place and it also means house of idolatry.

Consider me guilty as Hell. My idol worship of Metallica is not wrong. Nope nope nope nope nope!!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8qrwON1-zE

[little.nation]

It has been seeded in my mind that with all this FIRE and burning that I am to expect to go in there tonight and be FIRED

For what, no reason. It would simply be a matter of spiritual manipulation and orchestration.

One seed came last week when a team leader glared at me and used language that was provoking. We were talking about shopping orders when she said something about "kicking me out" of an order if it was too much for a newbie in training, some reason like that.

So, being fired is seeded in my mind and it's what comes up for me as I contemplate what to expect tonight.

Oh yeah. And the spiritual sorcerer(s) / handler(s) / puppet master(s) who flashes visions into my violated and invaded temple (mind) keeps showing me images of being arrested, but it threatens me like this constantly. This is nothing new. They threaten and terrorize me constantly. And God is in control LOL! They get their power and control from Him.

Mind control and mind police.

[little.nation]

Really sucks to be so hostile.

Really sucks to be so invaded and possessed.

Really sucks to be so controlled.

Really sucks to be a slave.

Really sucks to be NOT FREE.

[JosephineB]

I hope all goes well in your new adventure

My poor suffering soul has been sacrificed to eternal lack, eternal black, eternal darkness, eternal pathology, eternal victimhood, eternal suffering, eternal loss, eternal Hell.

That's the ego not soul.