Share your Stories...Share hope

Originally Posted by amy green

My biggest transformation/miracle (that I was able to put into effect) was in changing (permanently) my mind-set from fatalistic to allowing the possibility of freewill. I wrote about the process in the form of this story (here below). Although written as a fiction, everything in it actually happened (have only changed the name and there's some artistic licence regarding plants!) Have also submitted it under Quotes and Short Stories but, for those who may not have read it, it seems apt to post it here too since it's principally about offering hope.


A Leap Of Faith
Here's an old story of mine; I wrote it for those who have depression and no hope (as I once did). Oh, it also co-stars unrequited love(!)

Here we go again sighed Hazel, slumping into her garden hammock. With her college essay completed, her depression now descended more heavily upon her. All at sea - at the mercy of her emotions - she passively succumbed.

She had fallen secretly in love. Without signs of mutual interest, it felt foolish to express herself. Hazel herself was pursued by some students; it was the unwelcome pressurised nature of this that determined her affection remain undisclosed unless reciprocated. However painful, the feeling of love was beautiful, gentle and - for her - had nothing to do with the imposing, manipulative energy of lust.

She pondered the relationships of her friends. Being unlucky in love felt like the norm. Was it bad luck? Sabotage? Fate? Feeling too low to rationalise, she reached for her drink. Suddenly the sun came out and randomly spotlit colourful areas of the garden. Hazel acknowledged this in a subdued, distant manner. She then caught herself thinking that the appreciation of this scene was not for her. For the first time she had become aware of this thought process - dismissing something pleasant in self-punishment. It had to be this way didn't it?

Hazel recalled her college essay on humanistic psychotherapy. She was drawn to this positive subject because it differed from her fatalistic mind-set of accepting how things were - not feeling that they could be otherwise. Her essay was on the practical application of choice, exercising freewill which, although intriguing, she wasn't sure could be true. Were they just kidding themselves - that reality could be so optimistically transformed? Believing in this illusion? She had never put it to the test and here she was in this sunlit garden, with her depression.

She looked around her - could this shining greenery be appreciated in her current state, if she chose it to? How could she let it in? That was it... CHOOSING to confront her ingrained, self-imposed barrier and allow herself access to a fuller experience. It felt timely so she opened her mind up to this possibility. She looked around the garden with fresh vision. For quite some time nothing changed. She started to feel foolish. Then, when she was just about to give up, her perception shifted. The heaviness began to lift and she became both humble and excited, like she did as a child. There was now nothing inbetween her and the garden. She could feel the beauty around her - the golden rod radiant in the sunlight, the shafts of sunlight streaming through the oak tree, tinged with intermittent rainbow edges. Her leap of faith consolidated into the knowledge that freewill can truly be accessed. We can choose how we react to situations.

Although, (being in love), she still felt all at sea, she was no longer at the mercy of her emotions. The shore line was in sight and she had now acquired a new energy that would enable her to swim to safety.

Ahhh Beautiful Amy...a leap of faith! Yes!

Originally Posted by Gregatha

I can relate to a lot that has been said, particularly to Dar's eloquent post about alcoholism. I am happy to say I haven't drank or taken drugs since early 1987.

There were many dark times in my life, but none more dark that the period around the time I stopped drinking. I had arrived at a point where I felt there was no hope. The mental torment was such that I felt the only way out was to shoot myself. Now don't get me wrong, I did not want to die, but, if the pain got too much to bear, it was a good to know I had an option. This, in a way, gave me some relief. I even gave it a dry run, just to make sure I would get it right. At the time I was sharing a house with my father and the thought did occur to me that it would not be a good thing for my father to experience his dead son in a bloody room. With this in mind, I decided to move forward...I didn't have much of a plan, just that, come hell or high water, I was going to beat this damn thing.

On the same day that I reached this decision, I lay down on my bed and started to read the AA Big Book. With the plan springing to mind that I would start going to meetings. After about an hour or so of reading, I had a sensation or a feeling of the like that I have not experienced since. It was unconditional love. I loved everybody regardless of who they were or their personal histories. It was the most perfect state. A state of being beyond my wildest dreams, and this state stayed with me until I fell asleep. Much to my displeasure, I woke up in my usual sick state...except for one thing...I now had hope. I knew there was another way to be. The unconditional love I had felt the day before had given me hope.

The road ahead was not easy, but I had real hope now.

My life now, about 25 years later, is one of brilliant contrast. Since that day my life has been full of signs and synchronicities of being in the right place at the right time and also meeting wonderful teachers along the way, both personally and through other means.

Here's the thing, I wouldn't want to go through my life again, but, I am glad it brought me to this place or, should I say space.

Enjoy your day,

love Greg

25 years ....wow Greg, you are an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by Gregatha

My life now, about 25 years later, is one of brilliant contrast. Since that day my life has been full of signs and synchronicities of being in the right place at the right time and also meeting wonderful teachers along the way, both personally and through other means.

Yes, the synchronicities. They definitely seem to become more frequent.

Even years before my personal "restart" which I described, I did benefit from some amazing syncs in my life, when I was in trouble (like once when I was lost in a blizzard while in the Sierras on January first).

[Swami Chihuahuananda]

Originally Posted by amy green

My biggest transformation/miracle (that I was able to put into effect) was in changing (permanently) my mind-set from fatalistic to allowing the possibility of freewill. I wrote about the process i


snip


Then, when she was just about to give up, her perception shifted. The heaviness began to lift and she became both humble and excited, like she did as a child. There was now nothing inbetween her and the garden. She could feel the beauty around her - the golden rod radiant in the sunlight, the shafts of sunlight streaming through the oak tree, tinged with intermittent rainbow edges. Her leap of faith consolidated into the knowledge that freewill can truly be accessed. We can choose how we react to situations.

Although, (being in love), she still felt all at sea, she was no longer at the mercy of her emotions. The shore line was in sight and she had now acquired a new energy that would enable her to swim to safety.

cool deja vu ness ... mrs dar used to write some and used to have depression

I also thought of a movie ' Adaptation' (screenplay by the unique Charlie Kaufman) where Cage's character realizes it really isn't so horrible if the other person doesn't love you back (not that it's ok, either) . The way he describes it takes away the abject depressive nature of it though. He says it's ok if she doesn't love him back , because he can still have the love for her and keep it . Something I'm leaving out... but it makes sense in the film; he lets go of the self-destructive need to be loved back (because he accepts it will never happen) but allows himself to still have love for her ... because he loves her; that's his love to give . pretty cool stuff . even though I'm super happy , there's still the ghost of someone from long ago that broke my young heart , and I allow myself to love her (when I'm not thinking rationally about what a creep she was ) .

DS (rambling on)

Originally Posted by amy green

My biggest transformation/miracle (that I was able to put into effect) was in changing (permanently) my mind-set from fatalistic to allowing the possibility of freewill. I wrote about the process in the form of this story (here below). Although written as a fiction, everything in it actually happened (have only changed the name and there's some artistic licence regarding plants!) Have also submitted it under Quotes and Short Stories but, for those who may not have read it, it seems apt to post it here too since it's principally about offering hope.


A Leap Of Faith
Here's an old story of mine; I wrote it for those who have depression and no hope (as I once did). Oh, it also co-stars unrequited love(!)

Here we go again sighed Hazel, slumping into her garden hammock. With her college essay completed, her depression now descended more heavily upon her. All at sea - at the mercy of her emotions - she passively succumbed.

She had fallen secretly in love. Without signs of mutual interest, it felt foolish to express herself. Hazel herself was pursued by some students; it was the unwelcome pressurised nature of this that determined her affection remain undisclosed unless reciprocated. However painful, the feeling of love was beautiful, gentle and - for her - had nothing to do with the imposing, manipulative energy of lust.

She pondered the relationships of her friends. Being unlucky in love felt like the norm. Was it bad luck? Sabotage? Fate? Feeling too low to rationalise, she reached for her drink. Suddenly the sun came out and randomly spotlit colourful areas of the garden. Hazel acknowledged this in a subdued, distant manner. She then caught herself thinking that the appreciation of this scene was not for her. For the first time she had become aware of this thought process - dismissing something pleasant in self-punishment. It had to be this way didn't it?

Hazel recalled her college essay on humanistic psychotherapy. She was drawn to this positive subject because it differed from her fatalistic mind-set of accepting how things were - not feeling that they could be otherwise. Her essay was on the practical application of choice, exercising freewill which, although intriguing, she wasn't sure could be true. Were they just kidding themselves - that reality could be so optimistically transformed? Believing in this illusion? She had never put it to the test and here she was in this sunlit garden, with her depression.

She looked around her - could this shining greenery be appreciated in her current state, if she chose it to? How could she let it in? That was it... CHOOSING to confront her ingrained, self-imposed barrier and allow herself access to a fuller experience. It felt timely so she opened her mind up to this possibility. She looked around the garden with fresh vision. For quite some time nothing changed. She started to feel foolish. Then, when she was just about to give up, her perception shifted. The heaviness began to lift and she became both humble and excited, like she did as a child. There was now nothing inbetween her and the garden. She could feel the beauty around her - the golden rod radiant in the sunlight, the shafts of sunlight streaming through the oak tree, tinged with intermittent rainbow edges. Her leap of faith consolidated into the knowledge that freewill can truly be accessed. We can choose how we react to situations.

Although, (being in love), she still felt all at sea, she was no longer at the mercy of her emotions. The shore line was in sight and she had now acquired a new energy that would enable her to swim to safety.

I LOVE this Amy.

Originally Posted by amy green

My biggest transformation/miracle (that I was able to put into effect) was in changing (permanently) my mind-set from fatalistic to allowing the possibility of freewill. I wrote about the process in the form of this story (here below). Although written as a fiction, everything in it actually happened (have only changed the name and there's some artistic licence regarding plants!) Have also submitted it under Quotes and Short Stories but, for those who may not have read it, it seems apt to post it here too since it's principally about offering hope.


A Leap Of Faith
Here's an old story of mine; I wrote it for those who have depression and no hope (as I once did). Oh, it also co-stars unrequited love(!)

Here we go again sighed Hazel, slumping into her garden hammock. With her college essay completed, her depression now descended more heavily upon her. All at sea - at the mercy of her emotions - she passively succumbed.

She had fallen secretly in love. Without signs of mutual interest, it felt foolish to express herself. Hazel herself was pursued by some students; it was the unwelcome pressurised nature of this that determined her affection remain undisclosed unless reciprocated. However painful, the feeling of love was beautiful, gentle and - for her - had nothing to do with the imposing, manipulative energy of lust.

She pondered the relationships of her friends. Being unlucky in love felt like the norm. Was it bad luck? Sabotage? Fate? Feeling too low to rationalise, she reached for her drink. Suddenly the sun came out and randomly spotlit colourful areas of the garden. Hazel acknowledged this in a subdued, distant manner. She then caught herself thinking that the appreciation of this scene was not for her. For the first time she had become aware of this thought process - dismissing something pleasant in self-punishment. It had to be this way didn't it?

Hazel recalled her college essay on humanistic psychotherapy. She was drawn to this positive subject because it differed from her fatalistic mind-set of accepting how things were - not feeling that they could be otherwise. Her essay was on the practical application of choice, exercising freewill which, although intriguing, she wasn't sure could be true. Were they just kidding themselves - that reality could be so optimistically transformed? Believing in this illusion? She had never put it to the test and here she was in this sunlit garden, with her depression.

She looked around her - could this shining greenery be appreciated in her current state, if she chose it to? How could she let it in? That was it... CHOOSING to confront her ingrained, self-imposed barrier and allow herself access to a fuller experience. It felt timely so she opened her mind up to this possibility. She looked around the garden with fresh vision. For quite some time nothing changed. She started to feel foolish. Then, when she was just about to give up, her perception shifted. The heaviness began to lift and she became both humble and excited, like she did as a child. There was now nothing inbetween her and the garden. She could feel the beauty around her - the golden rod radiant in the sunlight, the shafts of sunlight streaming through the oak tree, tinged with intermittent rainbow edges. Her leap of faith consolidated into the knowledge that freewill can truly be accessed. We can choose how we react to situations.

Although, (being in love), she still felt all at sea, she was no longer at the mercy of her emotions. The shore line was in sight and she had now acquired a new energy that would enable her to swim to safety.

Seriously love this. Good one Amy

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by Dar

even though I'm super happy , there's still the ghost of someone from long ago that broke my young heart , and I allow myself to love her (when I'm not thinking rationally about what a creep she was ) .

Yes, some of the stuff I've had to recover from in order to free-up my energy and live happily has resulted in some important understandings. For instance, as a father I learned about certain things not to do and certain ways not to be from my own father's behavior.

Also, after untangling and healing from being the recipient of bad-faith or betrayal types of behavior from people whom I considered friends, my understanding of what real friendship is was made very clear.

Healing, forgiving, and understanding of people and situations is very important. But understanding of what good-faith and compassionate behavior actually is is also very important.