Fallen angle

[reapersweep]

I've been trying to work up the courage to post this. I have no idea if this is even the right place to ask and talk but I guess there is no real harm in trying. Sorry it's so long, I'll put a brief summary at the bottom.

When I was young, I thought I was different from the other children. Even taking in the doctor theory that I'm somewhere on the Asperger spectrum, there was something that made me feel out of place.
There was a time that I was developing empath. I was getting good at feeling and understanding what others were feeling. My sister was even impressed (and a little unnerved) at my growing ability. I thought it was great, that maybe I could help people. I thought it was worth the pain that came with it.

But then I fell.

Or it felt like falling. Everything seemed to get worse. Family was struggling and I had a hard time making friends. When I was very young, a bad babysitter had stolen my purity and there was a time I thought that was the reason I had fallen.
These days, I'm not sure if that was true. Maybe I was never meant to be someone who could heal someone's hurt or be someone that people could trust and go to if they needed help.

When it got to the point where it felt like I was drowning in my own self-pity and my mind was becoming fractured enough to have my alters grow, I made a pact with myself. The deal was that on my 18th birthday I would die. If I didn't die then I would never kill myself. If I wasn't able to help others or survive on my own, I thought it would be better if I didn't exists at all.

I'm 22 now and it's one of my biggest regrets.

Maybe you're confused why I'm explaining this; you're thinking I should be talking to a doctor. But there is a point tot his and that's because I've shifted and a new thought had entered my mind and won't go away.
If there are Angels then there must be Demons, light cannot exist without the dark after all. If an Angel falls, than it can be supported.

I can feel a shadow of what I used to be. My ability to feel what other's feel but instead of knowing how to help, I know the best way to hurt someone. Instead of bring love and fortune, I bring pain and trouble. It never reaches rock bottom but it will never be good. People become sick, angry, and depressed if they stay around me for too long. When I'm away they say how much they love me and are willing to help. It terrifies me to get too close because I know it will only hurt them in the end.

TL;DR: When I was young I wanted to help others and even was devolving my skills as a n empath. But things went wrong and I fell. My abilities from before seemed warped and twisted; I bring curses instead of fortune, I can sense the pain in others and know how to manipulate it

If I was once someone who could have been great but has fallen; does that mean I am destined to become a demon? A monster?