are you in a relationship or are you on your own?

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by HeartSound

wow, lots of single people!

Its foreseeable that spirituality will appeal to the loners and misfits of the world.

ocean breeze - maybe it's not so much that we are loners and misfits, but more to do with the fact that, contrary to the majority of people, we don't want to make do with the first guy/gal that happens to hang around in some bar, but that we are looking for something more meaningful - which is incredibly difficult to find nowadays?

I'm single too. I've always been single, never had a relationship, never even been asked out, never been on a date.

Before anyone asks - no I'm not ugly, stupid, an introvert, some misfit - nothing of the sort.

I'm simply in the wrong time - nowadays people have casual relationships and change partners all the time. That's not for me. Many women also get married for money. I think that's disgusting! I have suffered terrible poverty in my life but I would never even have entertained the thought of marrying some guy for money! That's living a lie and it's no better than what ladies of a certain profession do. I wouldn't want to lower myself to that standard (on a side note - I know that some ladies of a certain profession have reasons to do what they do, such as being forced into that sort of thing - I'm not including them in this statement but they have my deepest sympathy).

Until recently I always found it sad that there was nobody for me, especially so since countless men have told me ever since I was a teenager that I am "not good enough" - only for them to go off and marry some dog (and that's an insult to dogs!).

Now however I realize that - first of all, who knows what I have been saved from (most likely I've been saved from some beer swilling idiot that runs around being unfaithful and looks 80 by the time he is 40, and most of them are abusive) - and secondly, I would only ever want to be with someone where there is true love, genuine and unconditional love.

Nothing else will do.

[Dargor]

People of my opposite sex over here only tend to fall in love with show-offs and jerks anyway so I guess there's no more reason to feel love towards anyone who simply isn't worthy.

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

ocean breeze - maybe it's not so much that we are loners and misfits, but more to do with the fact that, contrary to the majority of people, we don't want to make do with the first guy/gal that happens to hang around in some bar, but that we are looking for something more meaningful - which is incredibly difficult to find nowadays?

I would assume that's the case for anyone who is down to earth with a little more depth to them regardless of spiritual beliefs. I agree that finding something more meaningful is difficult to find.

I'm simply in the wrong time

I use to believe that too. Perhaps we are just destine for other things in life. Should our life purpose be limited to just fitting in and engaging in relationships?

I can relate to how you feel (i think). Even when a woman shows interest i often feel discouraged. Our lifestyle, interest, mindsets, are very different so the attraction is there but the connection isn't. Five years ago some guy who was trying to get to know me better (in a friendly way) told me he doesn't think any women would give me a real chance. So far he's right.

Anyways, you at least have a good friend from what i've read. You don't want to lose that over something silly. That's very hard to find. Hopefully that friendship will last for you.

ocean breeze - you bet, indeed I wouldn't want to lose my friend over something silly, he is a wonderful person and I don't have any interest any more in meeting some idiot with a view to having a relationship because I wouldn't want anyone to come between that friend and me.

I know what you mean when you say even when you meet a woman then your mindsets are very different. Most people nowadays are very superficial, it would be frustrating to be in a relationship with someone that you can't have a proper conversation with. The spiritual connection has to be there or it's all doomed to fail anyway. I do hope though that your friend was wrong and that you will find a girl that's on the same wavelength as you - there are still people about who have depth and emotional intelligence. It's rare but it does still exist. Unfortunately I couldn't possibly advise you where you can find such a girl - I've been single all my life so I know how near impossible it is to find a real soul mate.

Maybe we are destined for other things - I still think though there is no higher purpose in life than to find one's soul mate/twin flame and experience a fulfilling relationship that's based on more than temporary attraction.

SlayerOfLight - same here, men all want women who are superficial and "good in bed", which seems to be the only thing that counts for them. And then they complain when they find out these women were only after their money, which the vast majority of women are. As you rightly say - such people are not worth it.

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

ocean breeze - you bet, indeed I wouldn't want to lose my friend over something silly, he is a wonderful person and I don't have any interest any more in meeting some idiot with a view to having a relationship because I wouldn't want anyone to come between that friend and me.

I know what you mean when you say even when you meet a woman then your mindsets are very different. Most people nowadays are very superficial, it would be frustrating to be in a relationship with someone that you can't have a proper conversation with. The spiritual connection has to be there or it's all doomed to fail anyway. I do hope though that your friend was wrong and that you will find a girl that's on the same wavelength as you - there are still people about who have depth and emotional intelligence. It's rare but it does still exist. Unfortunately I couldn't possibly advise you where you can find such a girl - I've been single all my life so I know how near impossible it is to find a real soul mate.

Maybe we are destined for other things - I still think though there is no higher purpose in life than to find one's soul mate/twin flame and experience a fulfilling relationship that's based on more than temporary attraction.

SlayerOfLight - same here, men all want women who are superficial and "good in bed", which seems to be the only thing that counts for them. And then they complain when they find out these women were only after their money, which the vast majority of women are. As you rightly say - such people are not worth it.

Thanks, i found your words encouraging yet realistic.

[Hadarian]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

I'm single too. I've always been single, never had a relationship, never even been asked out, never been on a date.

I'm simply in the wrong time - nowadays people have casual relationships and change partners all the time. That's not for me. Many women also get married for money. I think that's disgusting! I have suffered terrible poverty in my life but I would never even have entertained the thought of marrying some guy for money!

Until recently I always found it sad that there was nobody for me

Now however I realize that - first of all, who knows what I have been saved from (most likely I've been saved from some beer swilling idiot that runs around being unfaithful and looks 80 by the time he is 40, and most of them are abusive) - and secondly, I would only ever want to be with someone where there is true love, genuine and unconditional love.

Nothing else will do.

Maybe we are kindred spirits. I am exactly like this, with some exceptions. I have tried to have a relationship, to get married and live as a mother and wife. As you rightly noted, I did suffer unspeakably as a result. I never actually ever had a real relationship, never had all-the-way sex and never got to live how I had dreamed. If I had foreseen the life of suffering, alienation and loneliness that I ended up living, I would have killed myself at age 28.

Due to paralyzing social anxiety and a fear of people most of my adult life and my man-repelling "no-sex-before-marriage" principle, I never dated either. I did get asked and did go on 2 of the most awkward dates ever in my 20's. Other than that, my social paralysis and, even now, I think a touch of Asperger's which has made me socially inept or "different" in how I connect with people means that I don't socialize like normal people and need an approach so slow that nobody in this day and age has the time or patience to get to know me or let me get to know them.

I especially relate to the serial monogamy you allude to. I'm not wired like that--to give myself heart, mind and soul to one person, only to have him dump me and repeat this process over and over and over again. This has now happened for the last time this summer. The 4th relationship I've tried. We lived in absolute relationship bliss--love, joy, laughing--for 3 months straight. Not even a fight. He was happy. I was happy. I have never been so close to another human being in my life as I was to him. Suddenly, Friday the 13th no less, he gets into an "altered state of mind" and has a melt-down. Tells me horrible things he's done in his past and that I'm too good for him. "You're so full of love and joy and light and I'm such a dark, horrible person." From then on, he increasingly turned into a monster and became cruel to me. I am still having trouble processing it. I just can't understand it...

In the end I realized that he, like the vast majority of men today, are what I call one-woman-at-a-time men. He fancies himself a monogamist, but he's not really. The serial monogamist mentality, from my perspective, has even ceased to be monogamy, because society has turned it into a lifestyle. There is almost no such thing anymore as a one-woman-man. And many aren't even one-woman-at-a-time men either. Surely this applies to women today as well, I suppose.

I did learn more from this experience than I've learned in my whole life put together. I was looking and waiting for my twin flame. I began to believe he would never show up, so I tried to find a husband on my own. This is the result. I now know I am literally not allowed to be with any other man. Or, I am "allowed," but the price is this unspeakable suffering when he dumps me, which I swear will kill me if I go through it one more time.

Hence, I, too, am single. I'm not happy about it--never have been--but neither my heart or mind can survive another man. And I have no friends, not least due to my problems with socializing.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Hadarian

Maybe we are kindred spirits. I am exactly like this, with some exceptions. I have tried to have a relationship, to get married and live as a mother and wife. As you rightly noted, I did suffer unspeakably as a result. I never actually ever had a real relationship, never had all-the-way sex and never got to live how I had dreamed. If I had foreseen the life of suffering, alienation and loneliness that I ended up living, I would have killed myself at age 28.

Due to paralyzing social anxiety and a fear of people most of my adult life and my man-repelling "no-sex-before-marriage" principle, I never dated either. I did get asked and did go on 2 of the most awkward dates ever in my 20's. Other than that, my social paralysis and, even now, I think a touch of Asperger's which has made me socially inept or "different" in how I connect with people means that I don't socialize like normal people and need an approach so slow that nobody in this day and age has the time or patience to get to know me or let me get to know them.

I especially relate to the serial monogamy you allude to. I'm not wired like that--to give myself heart, mind and soul to one person, only to have him dump me and repeat this process over and over and over again. This has now happened for the last time this summer. The 4th relationship I've tried. We lived in absolute relationship bliss--love, joy, laughing--for 3 months straight. Not even a fight. He was happy. I was happy. I have never been so close to another human being in my life as I was to him. Suddenly, Friday the 13th no less, he gets into an "altered state of mind" and has a melt-down. Tells me horrible things he's done in his past and that I'm too good for him. "You're so full of love and joy and light and I'm such a dark, horrible person." From then on, he increasingly turned into a monster and became cruel to me. I am still having trouble processing it. I just can't understand it...

In the end I realized that he, like the vast majority of men today, are what I call one-woman-at-a-time men. He fancies himself a monogamist, but he's not really. The serial monogamist mentality, from my perspective, has even ceased to be monogamy, because society has turned it into a lifestyle. There is almost no such thing anymore as a one-woman-man. And many aren't even one-woman-at-a-time men either. Surely this applies to women today as well, I suppose.

I did learn more from this experience than I've learned in my whole life put together. I was looking and waiting for my twin flame. I began to believe he would never show up, so I tried to find a husband on my own. This is the result. I now know I am literally not allowed to be with any other man. Or, I am "allowed," but the price is this unspeakable suffering when he dumps me, which I swear will kill me if I go through it one more time.

Hence, I, too, am single. I'm not happy about it--never have been--but neither my heart or mind can survive another man. And I have no friends, not least due to my problems with socializing.

I'm a guy, but between expectation of rejection and actual rejection have had a lot of the same experiences.

Unfortunately though I knew it was coming. Sometimes I regret, that I listened when they told me it would be better this time. Everything would have been much easier if they had just left me to die when I was ready to go.

[Hadarian]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

I'm a guy, but between expectation of rejection and actual rejection have had a lot of the same experiences.

Unfortunately though I knew it was coming. Sometimes I regret, that I listened when they told me it would be better this time. Everything would have been much easier if they had just left me to die when I was ready to go.

Sorry to hear you can relate to my suffering. It sounds like you've lived some sad stories. For me, once I became emotionally entangled with the man, it didn't matter what I knew, what I believed or what my intuition was telling me--I was a goner.