How to Mend a Battered Heart

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Lanzalady

Radical forgiveness comes into play to help us heal and to 'awaken'. If a person felt that their father didn't love them when they were a child, that is the lesson that was pre arranged - to feel that experience but to resolve it. Unfortunately it becomes part of our belief system - I am unlovable. Then, they get married to someone who has affairs making us feel our belief was right all along, when in fact the two souls got together to work out a way how that person could forgive how the father made them feel. The soul attracts someone who will give that person the same experience in order to deal with it properly.

LL

I don't know about reasons behind suffering, all I know is it's my pain and anger, and even if someone else caused it, I'm the only one who can do anything about it. When I lash out at someone or if I'm harboring resentment, I know it's because of what's going on inside of me, it really has nothing to do with the other person. I have to own it instead of thinking of myself as a victim. Also if I don't feel loved by someone, I know that's me too. I believe I'm responsible for the love I receive or don't receive. Love starts with me, so does healing and peace.

Thanks for sharing about the book.

Originally Posted by Belle

Absolutely-dutely !

And to think we are a co-conspirator in all these nonsense patterns of abuse. Neville makes the good point of "time". I'm a big fan of "time" and avoid the instant healing.

I applaud the lack of blame, and would go further to say that instead of referring to these people / our parents as controlling / abusive - just people who are walking their own difficult paths. To give them a label as controlling / abusive creates an energetic which keeps us in a controlled / abusive scenario.

I know I am speakign to myself about this as well - i easily refer to my mother as "manipulative" but that keeps me as being manipulated by her.

Sure, she may go on to manipulate someone else but in order for that not to be me, I need to find a healthier word. "healing" perhaps? Because that is honest and true (I think).

The author actually states that we do nothing but 'thank' and 'love' these people for the way they are/have been as its helping us to...'heal'... He did go on to say that you don't have to like them. He also says that it's really kind of these souls to take on the role of our abusers etc, as they are being perceived as 'bad/evil/mean' when in fact they are actually doing our souls a favour by helping us to heal.

A lot of what he says makes a lot of sense. I'm so glad I came across this book.

Originally Posted by Seawolf

I don't know about reasons behind suffering, all I know is it's my pain and anger, and even if someone else caused it, I'm the only one who can do anything about it. When I lash out at someone or if I'm harboring resentment, I know it's because of what's going on inside of me, it really has nothing to do with the other person. I have to own it instead of thinking of myself as a victim. Also if I don't feel loved by someone, I know that's me too. I believe I'm responsible for the love I receive or don't receive. Love starts with me, so does healing and peace.

Thanks for sharing about the book.

I agree with you 100% Seawolf. I just have to put it all in practice when things are getting to me. When I've forgotten to be strong. That's when I need to remember these things the most.

I am 3/4 of the way through the book but I will read it again straight away as I want to ensure I don't miss anything.

LL

Originally Posted by Lanzalady

Hi Seawolf,

It seems this club of 'I had a bad childhood' has quite a few members

I've not read much of the book and I will need to retread it when I've finished as it's quite deep.

Basically what we experience during our human experience is decided upon prior to us being in this life. Our pain stems from separation from the Source/God. The human experience is one of separation from the Source/God.

We will choose souls to give us those experiences and no matter how bad they are, that is what is supposed to happen. Unfortunately our egos get in the way, because we've forgotten where we've come from. We're supposed to forget where we've come from otherwise our human experiences would mean nothing.

Radical forgiveness comes into play to help us heal and to 'awaken'. If a person felt that their father didn't love them when they were a child, that is the lesson that was pre arranged - to feel that experience but to resolve it. Unfortunately it becomes part of our belief system - I am unlovable. Then, they get married to someone who has affairs making us feel our belief was right all along, when in fact the two souls got together to work out a way how that person could forgive how the father made them feel. The soul attracts someone who will give that person the same experience in order to deal with it properly.

Ie, I felt my father didn't love me. Instead of feeling that experience, as previously agreed by the souls involved, I believe that my father didn't love me. It becomes a core belief - I am unlovable. Instead of forgiving, without blame, I hold onto it. I become a victim and will then attract people into my life that will either, a) give me the opportunity to forgive without blame (as was the original agreement) or b) enforce my incorrect belief of being unlovable. Unfortunately, people going through this would rather be 'right' instead of 'happy'.

Apparently my soul will keep attracting the kind of souls that will do the damage my father did, until I get it right and just forgive, without blame - and without blame means NO ONE ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING WRONG. In other words everything happens exactly the way it was supposed to.

I don't know if I'm making any sense of this but I have to say, it gives reason to EVERYTHING!!!!!! Instead of, 'why me?' it's more, 'Ohhhhh, now I understand.'

I've not come to any exercises yet but I'm sure they are there. When I've finished the book, or if I find anything I can share immediately I will.

LL

What you have read so far totally resonates with me and I have read similar things as well...

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Lanzalady

The author actually states that we do nothing but 'thank' and 'love' these people for the way they are/have been as its helping us to...'heal'... He did go on to say that you don't have to like them. He also says that it's really kind of these souls to take on the role of our abusers etc, as they are being perceived as 'bad/evil/mean' when in fact they are actually doing our souls a favour by helping us to heal.

A lot of what he says makes a lot of sense. I'm so glad I came across this book.

Couldn't agree with the author more - and praise be that we don't have to like them !

what we also need to acknowledge, I believe, with more than a tad of humility is that we are probably somewhat helping others in their healing journey in maybe the way we would not like to be perceived. That's radical when that is opened up and we have to be open to our higher self maybe teaching others along the way.

That's not an excuse for being a meanie, just a simple acknowledgment that perhaps we are not all sweetness and light.

Originally Posted by Belle

Couldn't agree with the author more - and praise be that we don't have to like them !

what we also need to acknowledge, I believe, with more than a tad of humility is that we are probably somewhat helping others in their healing journey in maybe the way we would not like to be perceived. That's radical when that is opened up and we have to be open to our higher self maybe teaching others along the way.

That's not an excuse for being a meanie, just a simple acknowledgment that perhaps we are not all sweetness and light.

Yes Belle, you're 100% right. The author says we judge people and we're actually projecting the things we don't like about yourselves onto that person. Another way we heal is by acknowledging that these are things we don't like about ourselves. But yes, we're helping them as much as they're helping us.

It's all part of the plan....!!!!!

[Belle]

Dang. The author wrote the book before I could.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Lanzalady

I agree with you 100% Seawolf. I just have to put it all in practice when things are getting to me. When I've forgotten to be strong. That's when I need to remember these things the most.

It's just practice, all the time. The practice of loving and thanking the thoughts and feeling for coming up is almost constant for me. I think I might have some strange thing were my feelings are not filtered, it seems I feel everything and can't push it down or ignore it even if I try. It's an opportunity to let go. I don't know how to let go, I just practice like what they say in the book and I guess it just happens naturally.

Originally Posted by Belle

Dang. The author wrote the book before I could.

Lol. It looks like you were too slow on that one but I'm sure you have a plethora or knowledge we could assimilate...!!

Originally Posted by Seawolf

It's just practice, all the time. The practice of loving and thanking the thoughts and feeling for coming up is almost constant for me. I think I might have some strange thing were my feelings are not filtered, it seems I feel everything and can't push it down or ignore it even if I try. It's an opportunity to let go. I don't know how to let go, I just practice like what they say in the book and I guess it just happens naturally.

I think it's important to 'feel' the feeling but it's important to let it go when it's been used. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!!! Yes, yes and yes