Am I allowed to be upset by this or no?

Originally Posted by moke64916

I think your allowing yourself to be upset. Sounds like an obsession with this girl. And maybe she is going out clubbing with this guy to make you jealous. Some woman do that. But there is no reason to think about it. Your allowing yourself to get upset.

It is true that we choose our emotions, but it’s OK for him to connect deeply & authentically w/ his feelings to sort out how he really feels. He has to do this to made a decision.

This isn’t just a random girl, but his ex(wife?) who was wanting to get back together w/ him.

If he chooses to end the relationship, but is sitting around 6 months from now, not trying to meet others, replaying this incident 10,000 times like a country music song w/ the theme of she done me wrong, this is another issue altogether. It seems like this incident is very current. If one can’t move on after a break up, examining what feelings we have & what emotions we are generating is in order, as you've mentioned.

It is true that some, both men & women, use a tactic such as going clubbing w/ someone else to generate jealousy, but for someone in their late 20s whom one he has had extensive history w/ romantically this is using a curious tactic if her desire is to establish the intimacy & trust a permanent relationship is built on & would be one, if this were her intent that would be manipulative.

As he clarified that they had an understanding that they weren’t to go out w/ others, it is likely that this is how she chose to let him know that she was no longer interested in resuming their relationship. It sends the message w/o her having to deal w/ it directly.

Of course, to each their own in how they would process & handle this type of situation.

As im reading some of these responses some of you are either getting the wrong idea or not really paying attention.

I am the one that has ended it with her everytime. Im the one that actually moves on and has dated others and dont even think about her or miss her. She is the one that cant let go and keeps trying to come back. Yes we had an amazing connection, passion, sex, love but it wasnt worth the pain and lies. Each time that i took her back was because she said she changed and i was willing to give it a TRIAL run. Then of course she failed me again. Reason why i gave her a 3 week trial run was because last time beginning of year we were dating i was a real so-and-so to her. I felt it was ok to treat her like **** to get even but i realized it wasnt so i said what the hell this time and lets see. Clean Slate!

Well not to my suprise she obviously has not changed much and in my opinion is getting worse by being more premiscuous. Bottom line NOT MY PROBLEM! I still have not heard from her and am not focusing on hearing from her in fact i prefer not to. She knows she messed up whatever she did and on top of it i found out some more dirt on this guy last night from someone that knows him very well but cant stand him either. If and i say IF she did sleep with him? well she may be at high risk of catching an STD. This dude has a kid he pays no attention to and who knows who else he has got preggo and like i say he is nothing special. maybe he got good game but thats it. So bottom line if she did get with him she is tainted and will have to deal with whatever consiquences and as for me i get off scott free! nothing to do with me, not a care what happens cause its her fault. I have been feelin great the past few days about all this cause i am finally rid of the most mentally ill woman i have ever known. Answer your questions?

[Adrienne]

apologies, long stories are so confusing I must have missed the ex connection too.... thought it was just a girlfriend, wrong all the way round, lol !

no worries. long stories are hard to keep all details together. It was a girlfriend not ex wife but we were very serious. She just has alot of issues and i think she has just excepted her demons rather than fight them. I dont need or want that baggage in my life. I feel alot better without her!

[Kaere]

Well then, sounds to me like you've worked your way through and instead of wondering if you're allowed to be angry about it you're now realizing there's no need to be angry about it

yeah i guess i have but i wasnt sure untill i got everyones feedback so thanks for that everyone. Trust that i will update if i hear anything from her.

Well this is sad- i feel sorry for you..!

Maaan im soo confused again. i just cant figure this girl out and im not expecting or even trying to think about things too much but it would bother anyone. So the thing that gets me tripping is well have a real good night and then she turns so cold. Example, Saturday morning i spent the night at a hotel cause i partied with friends the night before. she lives right down town so i asked if she wanted to go to breakfast. she agreed so i took my friend home and picked her up. She took me to this little spot that is important to her and private saying i should feel special. then we went to the porn shop and got some kinky stuff and then to her house to watch a movie. the whole day she was a sweetheart, would touch and be very affectionate. a good day!

So next morning we planned to get up early and go to the flea market. i pick her up and we go but her attitude was totally different. she seemed cold, shady and was not affectionate at all. after the market we went for food and shopped a bit and then a movie and the whole time she hardly said a word and was not affectionate at all. I was so boggled cause the days before she was all about me. I dont think this would have to do with it but at the flea market some little girl was trying to get me to buy my girl something and she says "come on dont you love her" I looked at my girl and said "umm noo not quite" but i wasnt rude about it and its the truth. weve been dating for less than a month. i dunno if that bothered her but at the end of the day i dropped her off at home cause we both had dinner plans with family. Since then i texted with her briefly monday morning but thats it. What the hell is going on? I spoil her rotten and she seems all about it but Sunday seemed like a crummy day. Is she waiting for me to contact her? ive noticed she has been posting lots of random stuff on facebook almost to get attention when she rarely posts period. what yall think. i really like this girl but i dont understand this stuff!

I texted a bit ago askin how shes been and she replied real short "ok, you?" what?



Edited by SF Staff

Ugh the stalker/wierdo type, why do girls like them? all they cause is pain and frustration in peoples lives, imo one of the worst sort of people, i feel for you mate!

I dont know what to call it but its confusing. normally i dont give two craps and just move on but when we have our good dates the connection is awesome but when she acts all off and cold im tempted everytime to just tell her she is too much to handle and im out. I drew the line today and she called me and told me she has alot of personal stuff going on. well why didnt she just say so earlier. i understand that so i said lets just part ways for now so she can handle her biz and she said she didnt wanna do that so im just gonna leave the ball in her court and do my own thing. Like i said normally this stuff doesnt get to me and i just say next but you know when you feel you finally click with someone after numerous duds. haha.