what is this ?

sorry for the long post, ive been very confused for a couple months and thought this forum would be a good place for some outside observations and opinions. thanks for your time...

so I'm 45 in a great marriage over 15 years with a great woman I'm lucky to be with. she is kind, beautiful and giving and I'm happy to grow old together with her and the life we have built. actually its stronger now than it has been at other times and she seems to be in love with me more now than in several years. I'm not looking for anyone else and I'm not an affair guy, but i had an injury and had to go to physical therapy for it. there i met this girl (one of the therapists) and its very confusing. what makes it more confusing, is she is probably 20 years younger and has some type of head trauma. some speech and other things. i don't know what specifically. but when we talk, its like adults but sometimes her mind seems to also be childlike. i know some people would find these things annoying, but i just see her pure heart. its like there is nothing between her inside and outside. no walls. its like I'm in this trance of joy in her presence. the first time i looked into her eyes, it felt like id found an old friend lost a long time ago i finally found. i don't know what i feel, but its the deepest into my guts and heart since my daughters birth 17 years ago. her kind eyes and beautiful smile make me feel so happy. when I'm in the same room with her, i get intense joy even from across the room if i just hear her or see her in peripheral. Ive never before actually seen aura colors, but one time we were standing very close to each other talking and smiling into each others eyes and i saw gold and white yellow glowing around us. it seems like I'm in the presence of an angel. when i hear her voice its like honey pouring into my heart that becomes sweet music. when i see her it feels like 1000 suns rise in my heart. i mean it actually physically feels like waves are coming out of my heart. its weird. we don't have a lot in common like i do with my wife. its kind of like how you can do anything with your kid, because when you see them happy it warms your heart and makes you happier than when you do something you like to do. i have this really strong desire to protect her and do whatever i can to make her happy. but i also think she is beautiful and like her in a romantic way so i know some of it is selfish. although we have never talked im 99% she also likes me from some things that happened and how she acts. although i don't think she has fallen this bad or thinks about any of this abstract stuff. i don't belong with her, i belong with my family who i love very much and my wife truly is a perfect life partner for me and i will stay with her. but I'm always carrying this girls smile and voice with me. everywhere i go i hope to run into her. i wish i could cut myself in half and become 2. one for the life i have and one to get to know her more. part of me wishes i could devote my life to her happiness. but i want to do this for my wife who i love and promised. please realize i have been happily and faithfully married for over 15 years and nothing like this has happened before. sure, we all meet someone we are attracted to, or meet an occasional someone along the way and think " i like this person and if i was not married...". but what I'm having are not logical thoughts or observations but feelings that can not be told to stop. and the whole thing is extremely illogical. whats also odd, is it seems as my affection has grown for this girl so has my appreciation and love for my wife. its very confusing. but my therapy is over and it breaks my heart to just walk away and try to forget. plus i have to drive past this place daily. its like walking in the desert all day, you get to some water, but cant have a drink. ill just have to have faith there is a reason we met and a reason we cant be. maybe down the road another life things have their time. i thought about re-injuring myself to see her which is stupid. i also hoped my wife would meet someone else so i could get to know her. this is foolish, to throw away a life on a person i don't even know that well? with a large possibility it will go nowhere? a friend i confide in suggested the nurturing thing is because my daughter is now an old teen and my favorite time was being a dad when she was younger. he also suggested we have many lives, parts of ourselves in parallel universes, and when you feel something this strong, it could mean you are with the other person in another life.

so i just wondered has anyone had something like this happen to them or help me understand? any input appreciated. i wont be offended by criticism and being called a pig and nothing is to abstract for me to consider. I'm just looking for some opinions, explanations and feedback. thanks for your time

Originally Posted by Zack

so I'm 45 in a great marriage over 15 years with a great woman I'm lucky to be with.....i met this girl...so i just wondered has anyone had something like this happen to them or help me understand?

Hi Zack,

I cannot fully speak to the situation because I do not know you or those involved, but from what was told in your post I would like to start off by passing along a quote from a friend of mine who cheated on his wife.

"I love my wife but what no one ever told me is that I would fall in love with someone else while being in love with my wife... and fall in love more than once."

To me it sounds like you know what your heart should do, but you are tempted to give in to what you want to do. I can give you plenty of perspective, if you wish (and if you do, please say so), but the question almost feels like you are asking, indirectly, what should you do.

That is not something I can say. Again, I can give perspective, but I am in no position to say what is better/worse.

There is one question that my intuition is pushing me to ask: What does this new woman/energy in your life offer that your wife does not?

With Love,
Spirit Monk

[TheReason]

First off, I think it's great you came here to approach this subject. I would hope everyone on here would refrain from judgment as they may have never experienced anything like this.

In truth, there is no time or limitations, only the ones that we create. Each "lifetime" such as the one you are in has reason for everything you go through. Whether you see it fully now or not, this woman came into your life for a reason. Only you know the reason she has come into your life. I think one of the many flaws in the human thinking is when we find a connection like this, we must do something about it. Just like when we find something significant, we feel we have to expose it. Anyway, my point is, this lifetime (among all the dimensions/lifetimes you are living) is fully in your control. So, you must commit to what you really want this life to be, and where you want to go in it. And you must stick to that vision in order to be content. Like I said earlier, only you can know the answer.

There is nothing wrong for what you feel, so do not judge yourself either. However, you do need to commit to which direction you want to go in.

I always find a quick reading gives better insight, so I did a quick one for you:

"The General Theme of the Situation": What do you desire right now? Visualize it and it will come about. Negativity will block your progress.
"The Possible Block": Increase your standards and expect more for yourself. Don't settle!
"General Guidance": Let go of small thoughts of yourself. See yourself succeeding.
"The Probable Outcome": New romance is imminent - either with a newcomer, or through reignited passion in your existing relationship. Be open to giving and receiving love.

I hope this has helped. I wish you all the best

From a psychic sense, I pick up that she is a "healer of hearts". While you may be confused at your attraction to her. I don't feel this is meant to be a "romantic" encounter. She is there to help you. I get "angel in disguise" (the lyrics to a Madonna song) floating in my head as a message to you.

I feel she is going to help the way you see things. Even people with disabilities. Maybe to help you in other areas of your relationship with your wife.

Please dont take this as critical view Zack, but ther is probably nothing psychic in this,i,ts the age old story of a "little excitement " in a predictable lifestyle,you sound like You have a happy secure relationship,this can ,sometimes be reread as,well, a bit boring,. This Lady brings a welcome "zing " to life,see it for what it is,- interesting, but dont let it wreck your life

[TheReason]

I agree with Laura. And the reading I gave indicates your relationship with your wife becoming better as you said. There's definitely a reason she came into your life, but it's nothing "more" as far as romantic goes. Our egos have the tendency to make things into something they are not.

[Xan]

In this world we tend to think of deep angelic love like you describe as potential relationship.

But in letting go of our projections about all that we are open simply to experience and enjoy the love itself.

How healing and freeing is that!


Xan

hey thanks everyone. i really appreciate the honesty. i just swing over twice a week to try to let it fade.
anyways everything mentioned is helpful. it helps the comments just let it go unresolved. i never thought about this much , but i think i understand. the experience does not need to be kept or developed into anything other than what it was at the time. this does not diminish the possible importance of it. like you see an awesome big rock on the beach. as humans, we want to take the rock away and put it in our yard or house. but what makes the rock so cool is the stories it has absorbed by being on the beach where it belongs. i never believed you could be in love with 2 people at the same time but now i do. also true it could just be a sugar coated infatuation. the abstract nature of relating with a person with head trauma leaves more room for the imagination to project. although ive had many feelings for many people, and i know there is deep feelings and believe strong connection but not now and probably not this life. the thing that sticks the most is the comment on the healing heart. because it really feels like this happened and i was thinking this 2 days before it was posted. ive kind of gone through a transformation of sorts and its all triggered by this person. i eat less, sleep less and have tons more energy. lost 10 pounds to my weight 10 yrs ago and eat healthier. i wake up every morning again feeling that life is a rare gift and something important must be done and something unexpected will happen. my mind is full of new music i have to write, i have not felt this creative in 10 years either. it feels like ive gone back 10 or even 15 years. my wife and i are the best in years. although i sometimes feel guilty because i cant give 100%, since part of my heart belongs to this other girl. i have this compassion for humans i have not felt in even longer. i used to see peoples agendas, but now i see people really want to just feel needed and appreciated. i also think im going through a kind of mid life thing. i would not pick a different path to take or person to be with, but i miss the feeling that anything is possible. i wonder , what it would be like to live a total different life for the next 20 years with someone different. i think the idea this person might need someone to help them more than others draws me in. 2 months ago i wrote a song thinking of her and titled it angel which is funny because now i think i believe when we were glowing she was an angel at that moment and healed my heart and my injury also healed a month early. so im good most days, i still have days of heartache but it is helpful not seeing her or hearing her voice except in my memory. i do think of her often but over time it will be less and i dont want to forget her. memory of her voice and smile still give me a comfort only she can give me. it will probably never be understood or resolved and always feel like it is unfinished but thats the way it is. thanks to everyone for helping me towards a path being more at peace with this...

[Xan]

Zack... In all these wondering transformations and new understandings you've been experiencing here's another offering.

my wife and i are the best in years. although i sometimes feel guilty because i cant give 100%, since part of my heart belongs to this other girl.

Consider this:The idea that love and our hearts can be divided is a false notion. Love itself is unboundaried and undivided... it only increases and multiplies as we let go into experiencing it more deeply. I know this because I also have more than one soul mate.


Xan

Hi Zack,

I can relate to what you're saying. But the 1st thing I want to say is I hope you don't harm your marriage on account of this young woman, because I don't think that is what's meant to be. I think for the sake of your sanity and peace of mind, if you can't stop thinking about her, focus on the fatherly feelings you have towards her. I'm 58, but we never become tired of women, and younger women are truly like a fresh breeze into our souls. In my job I get to be around younger women very often. I'm a man so I feel attracted, yes. But I'm old enough to be their fathers, and I usually feel that way too. I happen to love younger people in general, and being a man, I take a special interest in the females. The only way I don't go bonkers is I focus my feelings on being nurturing towards them. The younger men I work with don't understand this, of course. But this is how I remain sane when around younger women. I don't even let myself think about sex with them, even though some ask me for sexual advice, when they see I like to help them. And I'm not even married, and yet I do this. I think that's the way you need to do it too.

Beyond that, I met a woman 26 years ago who wasn't too young for me, but 10 years younger. I still speak to her occasionally. We were close friends for 15 years, and I raised her 2 daughters with her. There is an uncanny connection between me and her. But it only goes 1 way. I can feel certain things about her, and I always could. She used to tend bar many years ago. If I was sitting at the bar, and she went in to the girl's room, when she walked out, I felt it. Even if I was talking to another girl, when this one walked back into the main room, my head was pulled and I looked in her direction. I never saw auras around her nor anyone else, but much of how you feel around the PT girl is how I felt around the one I'm describing. Sadly, I was in love with her, but she only loved me as a brother. Remember what you said about when you look into the PT girl's eyes. When I look into the eyes of the woman I'm describing, I see Home. I don't know how else to describe it. I see Home, I felt I belonged with her, and she with me. In fact it was because of this lady I came to this board. I don't know where we were before we became humans on Earth here, but I believe my spirit and this woman's spirits knew each other. If there are past lives, me and her were probably married at one time. One strange thing is the main thing that has held her back from romance with me is my physical body. She's into really good looking guys. Ironically, I'm usually never attracted to women who are over weight, but this woman is over weight. But with her, it doesn't matter to me. I love something inside her. Something I can only see when me and her are alone and having heart to heart talks. So I guess I'm more spiritually advanced than she is, because I can go past her physical body, but she can't get past mine. And yet, if I was in a different body, one she found sexually exciting, she would have been In Love with me, instead of brotherly love. We haven't been close in 10 years now, and yet I still have the connection to her. But it just isn't meant to be anything special in this lifetime. This is why I said I can relate to much of what you experienced. The big difference between you and me is you are married, and if you don't exercise wisdom and self control you can ruin a wonderful marriage. You will also hurt yourself and everyone else involved. Meaning your wife and your kids. And I know the emotions are tempting, but don't listen to your feelings. Emotions are deceptive more than anything else. And since this is a spirituality board I want to point out that there are good spirits who help us, and evil ones who want to ruin us in any and every way they can. All these things can talk to us in various ways. The evil ones will tell you to do what feels good. Don't listen to them. Listen to your logic, and what you know is right. You already said you will, and I believe you will. I just figured a little more encouragement from me wouldn't hurt.

Jack