Thanks Drew!

Just kidding. Not your fault. I must admit though your thread did get me to thinking about my own stuff. Im moving what i posted into here.

I thought of my husband when i first viewed this thread(Drews thread) a few of the threads had me think of him actually. He wants to file for divorce a.s.a.p. I woke up a couple days ago after he told me this and it fully kicked in the 'OH MY GOSH IT'S OVER' moment, yeah i bawled my eyes out. Any hopes of our marriage working out are gone. I didn't give up. I needed some space...lots of it. To get through the hurts and what shocked me and floored me the most was how i hurt him. No matter what he said or done (and there is a list lol) i still loved him and could forgive him. We are separated and have been for a just over a year and live in different countries now but still stayed in contact until early to mid June in that time i had seeked professional guidance and help to help me figure stuff out. I asked him for patience as he wanted me to move over to him. This caused so much anxiety and sleep deprivation because i knew our issues were far from solved...different country same issues. So yes i asked for space. He felt i was changing my mind and too often. I sit here now and feel sad that at the time i couldnt find the right words to communicate with him. I was in a place where i forgot who i was so what was i meant to tell him but to be patient? I didnt know what was going on all i felt was terrible fear and hurts. Hence why i seeked help in order to help heal.
However he's had enough and who could blame him. I love him and wish him lots of love and happiness when he's ready.

Is this normal to feel shocked? I have heard of this before. Some people wake up after years of being divorced and go into total depression zone. I guess i always thought he would be there. Now i feel selfish saying that.
UGH!
This is something else to add on my list of healing(failed marriage). It's all for the better though. At first i was going into this deep seeded, get to the core healing business for myself and my marriage. I'll keep going, i need to for my own wellbeing and i will accept what is. I have to. I also have to respect his wishes.

Thanks for reading, whoever you are, wherever you are.

[John32241]

It is normal to feel shocked. The reality perceptions that we all live with are "ego constructs" from our logical mind. As a culture we are not aware of how our psyche works.

The value from this experience can be that it will drive you inward towards your greater self, or higher self as some would say. You will start to sift through what happened and why. It is not your list of things to heal that concerns you, it is your power to heal. That doubt is you ego speaking, doing everything it can to remain in control of you.

I suggest that you start all reflections with a heart centered focus. Look for the wisdom from all that you have ever created. When you find that you have also found your Self.

John

Thank you John

Your reply makes a lot of sense and i will certainly keep your words with me. Ego with its control....well thats not very nice. I totally get what you are saying; my eyes read and my heart hears.

Bright Blessings

lol. just noticed this thread now. dork! well glad my thread gave you some insite. Yes its a hard thing when reality kicks in but atleast you still feel. I have gotten to the point where i dont feel much. Im comfortably numb and cold at times.

So out of curiousity who did more damange? im taking it that you were sort of on the same level as my ex. She screwed up alot and tried to make it better but in the long run like you read in my threads, she will never change. Now im not saying this is your case but curious exactly what happened.